School buses are always loud. I don't know if it's because it's 6:50 am when I have to get on the bus, or if it's just all the middle schoolers who get picked up before me. The noise was more bearable in the afternoon, but it was always far from pleasant. Nothing is worse than hearing the outdated trendy chants that they muster up in their undeveloped mind. It's often worse than the shriek of my alarm clock. I dream of the day that I'm 16 and can drive myself alone to classes.

Alas the doors open and kids start piling out. There's always that kid who runs from the back to the front to get out first before the bus even stops. I respectfully wait for my turn, maybe even let people go in front of me to not cause a scene or to draw less attention. Either way, I get out at my turn and walk. Listening to music is a good way to focus myself on what I'm doing, in this case, looking down and walking. 

Once I put my hand on the cold rail to step inside the building, my heart started beating a little faster, I started looking left to right with my peripheral vision, trying not to move my head too much. A few of the school punks had been pushing me around the past couple of months with no signs of stopping and I didn't want them walking up to me this early in the morning. I've always been told that bullies are just insecure and want to take their hatred out on kids who are smaller than them, kinda like a punching bag. It's pretty pathetic at its core, but their punches will always leave bruises on my body and my brain.

Classes are boring too. I never seem to connect with the teachers. I sometimes don't understand what they're saying. It's English but so foreign so often. I don't tend to connect with anyone. It's the reason I don't have friends at school. Like most kids, I struggle to make friends, especially since Covid. I've come to realize that most of my friends weren't as 'there for me’ as i 

thought they were. As saddening as it was, it helped me to come to the truth that I need to help myself. I don't need to waste my energy on people who wouldn't waste their energy for me. But no matter how many friends I don't have, my days will still continue. Class through class until my favorite time of the day, lunch.

I don't love lunch because of the food. The food is awful. I love lunch because it's the only time I get in the 7 hour day of prison to do what I want. I get to sit alone at my table or maybe in the bathroom and just enjoy time by myself. I pull out my phone and check that to no surprise, I don't have many notifications. I have about as many friends online as I do in real life, although I have a few ones I can call close. I opened TikTok to keep myself busy for the time being. 

"Hey man!" I didn't realize anyone was talking to me until I saw the boy sit down next to me. He had a wide smile and circle glasses. His hair was well groomed and combed to his left. His mouth looked large. You could see a lot of his gums between his lips and his teeth when he talked. He wasn't necessarily an amazing person to look at but he was a human and he wasn't filthy. He seemed very outgoing so I assumed he was a part of the student council just trying to get suck up points from his teacher. “I'm new here, what's your name?” 

"Hey, I'm Clark. Why do you ask?” 

"Just trying to meet and make new friends! You seem nice, I'll probably sit here with you.” This was probably the worst possible situation that could have come out of this visit. I don't wanna be friends with this kid. He seemed so interesting and his life was not a book I cared to unfold. But regardless I felt very pressured to stay. So why not give it a shot.

After a little chat about our hobbies and basic small talk he asked to be walked around the school and to help him find his next class. I'd been living in the town my whole life so of course, I knew my way around the school. We walked and talked and explored his classes until the bell 

rang. We exchanged phone numbers and he went on his way. I hate to admit it but, I enjoyed it. I think I could be friends with this kid.

The rest of the day seemed to move so fast. My classes felt shorter, the bus ride wasn't terrible, and my mom wasn't really mad at me when I went home. It felt nice. I felt content. I decided to text my friend and ask him to hang out.
"Hey, ..” I cut myself off. I realized that I forgot to ask for his name. I started feeling hesitant and guilty. How do you bring up a conversation without asking for a name? I can call him bro but is it too early to call him that? Maybe I'll just wait until next time to find out his name. Maybe I can ask for his instagram sometime. Maybe I can ask the school for it. I was overthinking and when I say overthinking I mean thinking of everything. I eventually settled on a “Hey bro. Was curious if you want to hang out sometime?” Almost immediately he opened up the chat and replied with, “My mother is pretty strict, but I can try!” This was crazy to me. I’ve never had a real friend and i didnt know what to even do when we hang out. More importantly, I didn't know his name. I needed to find his name.

I knew we didn't have any classes together so I couldn't really figure out his name that way, maybe I could try when I go to his house. I'm not sure what to do, I'll just go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and think about it more.

The next morning starts and I'm getting up and ready to go, still pondering what to do. I head outside onto the bus and take the ride to school. I'm bored of course and the kids are not making my life any better. I pull out my phone and text the kid, “Hey, come meet me in the cafeteria for lunch again, I’ll be at the same spot.” and again almost instantly he replied “Sounds good!” I was starting to get a sense that this kid was similar to me. 

Classes go on and it's again time for lunch. I go find my original seat and wait. I pulled out a book that I checked out of the library earlier and began to read until I saw a body sit down next to me. “Yo, what's up?” It was my friend! 

“Hey man I’m just reading! It’s nice to see you here” I replied. “Thanks man, so do you wanna hang out?” He asked me. “I’d love to!” So, the plans were settled. I was going to hang out with him. I need a plan to find his name out tho. I was thinking I would snoop around his house for information. Maybe I could ask his mother but I don't wanna give her a bad impression either. I wasn't sure exactly how I’d find out his name but I knew I would do it one way or another. We talk and chat and go about our days and eventually go back to class. Through the classes we go until school is out. I again text him and ask him where to meet and he says just at the front of the building.

I head to the front and run into him. He was waiting for me next to his mom's car and holding the door open for me. I climb inside and talk to him and his mom for a while until we get to his house. It's game time. I need to get into his house and ask for a bathroom break for a chance to sneak around and look. I can't run into anyone else in the family though. I think the first place I'll look is on the walls. Maybe I can find a portrait or picture with his name on it or something. The last place I want to look is through file cabinets. But if I must, then I must.

We head upstairs to his room and talk a little and I ask to play a game with him. He turns on his xbox and loads up minecraft. We start playing and then I ask if I can go to the restroom and he says sure. So I walk out of his room casually and then start sneaking around. I checked the room to the right of his, it was a bathroom. Then the room next to that. It was his sister's room. I looked in there for a little while but didn't find anything with my friend's name. I walked around the house more and looked and searched for his name but couldn't find it. I looked at the computer 

and the usernames. I looked at papers and even some mail I saw on the table. I couldn't find it anywhere. I knew what I had to do. I had to ask him. I walked up the stairs back to his room in shame. I told him the truth.

“Hey man. I have to admit, I forgot to ask for your name. I hope that's okay. What's your name?”

“It’s Tyson! Don’t even worry about it!” And that's when I knew I found a real friend. I don't need to worry about this much. I don't need to get so stressed out over little questions I could ask. I don't need to overthink everything like I do. I don't need to feel so anxious anymore. I have a real friend who cares. I don't need to be popular. I can just have Tyson. It'll be okay.