“ I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what is going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself. ”

-By Kimberly Enriquez 

CHAPTER 1

I sit by my window looking at the night blue sky writing in my diary that I wish that I could be someone else. I wish that I could be smart, pretty but most of all the best daughter but I am not.

SLAM!!!

I jump and rush to put my diary in my box and under my bed I hop on my bed and cover myself with the sheets. Who can that be I hear them going up the stairs then. SLAM!!! I stand up and walk to the door. I open it as quickly as possible. I peek my head and I see my dad laying down in the stairs.

“Dad, what are you doing?” 

I walk to him to check if he is hurt and he is not. I lift his head and see no bruise. I sighed in release “Dad come on stand up” 

I put his arm around me “GO AWAY” he takes his arm off of me and pushes me away. 

“No be quiet you are going to wake mom up and you know that she doesn’t like it when you come home drunk”

 He looks at me with a mad expression in his face “ I DON'T CARE IF I WAKE HER UP  THIS IS MY HOUSE TOO” while screaming it. I think that woke mom up because mom came out of her room and started screaming at us

 “ WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING ITS 2:30 IN THE MORNING.”   

“I am sorry for waking you up mom” while she glares at me “You're sorry that all you have to say you woke me up at 2:30 in the morning and you are sorry” I look down at the floor not able to look at her.  

“ You can not even handle one thing by yourself”

 She says with anger in her voice “ Just go to your room I will handle it like always” I look at her and say nothing. I go to my room and lock the door. I can't help it and start to cry but silently so that my mom can’t hear me. 

She is right, I can never handle anything by myself. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just called my brother to help.

I tried to pretend to not hear my parents arguing next door. it's not something new they argue mostly all the time. My brother knocks on my door I opened it

 “why is mom and dad arguing” 

 I look at him “It's because Dad came home drunk and she got mad that we made her wake up early  in the morning.” He looked at me but I couldn't even look him in the eye

 “You are so stupid why didn't you call me”.

  I lifted up my head “Because I didn't want to wake you” He stared at me with anger in his eyes “See what happens this is your fault that Mom and Dad are arguing why are you so stupid”. 

“I am sorry “ He enrolls his eyes “ Just forget it, go to sleep you have school tomorrow”  he walks away not even saying good night or bye so I closed my door.

  I didn't even realize how hard I was holding my hand cuz when I opened it I had the prince of my nails buried in my hands. I only do that when I'm stressed or mad or I need to let something out but I can't without letting people see. 

I see my dog in her bed sound asleep. I walked towards her, picked her up, put her in my bed and covered myself with my blanket. I love sleeping with her because she is the only one that I can tell everything to hug her and fall asleep.

“BEEP BEEP!!!”

My alarm goes off. I wake up and see my phone is 8:10 OMG I oversleep . I am going to be late. I jump out of bed and change as fast as I can. I do my makeup and go down stairs.

I see  my brother sitting in the table eating cereal

 “ Hey why didn't you wake me up” 

 He looks at me with a smirk in his face “ ah you finally woke up your alarm has been going off for hours  also it's not my responsibility to wake you up”  I glare at him

 “ Why do you always have to be so mean can you not be nice for once”  he rolled  his eyes and continued eating cereal.

“ Well I'm leaving now”  he nods his head not even looking at me. School is like 20 minutes away from my house. Nobody drives me my mom goes to work early. My dad I don't even know what he does. He could be working or drinking with one of my uncles and my brother can't drive me cuz he doesn't have a car yet he's still 18.

He gets picked up by his cool dumb*ss friends Archie, Jessie, Ryan, and Michael. His friends are real jerks just like him. I don't know how most girls fall in love with them. Just because they are on the football team and the way they look. 

I have asked him if I can ride with them but their answer is always no. They call me Josh's little baby sister. Well most of them are jerks not Michael. If I have to say he's the only nicest friend that my brother has, the rest of them are jerks. 

Michael has been my brother's best friend since we were like 10. I am closer to him than I am with his other friends. He is kind and cares about others because when my brother was 10 and I was 7 me and my brother were new to town so we didn’t really know anyone. 

One day when my brother and I were playing in our front yard with our new ball that my mom bought us, we accidentally hit a kid on the head. The kid got so mad and was about to hit me but someone yelled “Leave her alone” someone said it was Michael. 

The kid turned around and saw Michael I don't know why but when the kid saw Michael he turned to me so fast and said sorry I was shocked.After that the kid never mess with me or look at me I don’t know if he was scared of Michael but from that day my brother and I became friends with him we had a lot of fun together. 

But as days passed my brother and him started hanging out more and I really didn’t talk to him anymore just sometimes. After Michael and my brother made the basketball team everything changed because the friends they made are jerks because they think that they are above everyone in the school and that everybody likes them. I don’t like the friends they most of them are bullies. 

So I just walk it I don't really mind it. It feels so nice feeling the breeze in your face. It’s so peaceful like all your problems just fade away. When I arrived at school I saw my friend Jessica waiting at our usual spot. I scream at her “JESSICA”  . She looks up and screams at me “HEY”  while she's running towards me. 

“ Why are you late? I've been waiting for you for hours” 

I hug her “ I am sorry I went to sleep late last night” I don’t want to tell her what happened last night. She doesn't know about my dad being an alcoholic. I don't know what she will think about me or my family.  She's one of my best friends. I knew her since kindergarten and yet she doesn't know everything about me as she thinks she does. 

“What were you doing last night”  

I don't like lying to her but I have to “ I was watching a movie” She looks at me 

“You're lying, you were watching a movie.”

“Yeah I was watching Outer Banks It was so interesting it kept me all night”  she doesn't say anything she just stares at me she looks me up and down “ Stop lying you were talking to Landon weren't you”  I  sigh in relief “ yeah you caught me I was”  she smiles and hugs me. 

“ Ginny Marshall, when are you going to date him already you and him make a cute couple” I smile and look down “I don't know it's complicated” I mumbled “Stop lying to yourself” Jessica says 

“I just don’t know” 

“Come on”

“ I don’t know if he even likes me”

“ He does I know because of the why he looks at you and I know that you also like him too”

“Girl really you can tell that he likes me just of the way he looks at me”

“YES”

“You are unbelievable”

“Speaking of him here he comes”

“WHAT”

I trend around and see Landon walking tours me and Jessica I panic Jessica bummed me in the shoulder and say “Oooo your boyfriend is coming don’t get shy.” I am not even paying attention to her. I am more worried that Jessica is going to tell Landon what we talked about last night and we didn’t even talk last night. 

“Hey girls what up”

I stand there not saying anything. I hear Jessica saying my name “Ginny Ginny” Jessica hits me in the shoulder. 

“Huh what” 

“Hey Ginny are you ok” Landon says

“What oh yeah”

“ Yeah she's fine she is just tired because she didn’t get enough sleep” 

“Why did you not get enough sleep Ginny”

“Well” I don’t know what to say. I stand there saying nothing because if Jessic finds out that I was not talking to him last night. She is going to ask me what I was doing last night.

“ You kept her up last night” Jessic Says

“What do you mean” Landon says

I look at him and put my hands together like I am praying and whisper to him “Please just say yes”