My Reality

I've always had difficulty keeping my mind in the real world; I always find myself thinking about new stories, almost as if there was a forever-changing movie playing in my head. Because of this, I've always had difficulty focusing on schoolwork, and my grades suffered for it. It's not that I didn't want to focus on school; it's just that the creations that filled my head seemed much more appealing than reality. I've always been a creative kid. I would get into trouble after turning my closet into what now looks like a six-year-old's sketchbook, but I guess that's what it is; my first sketchbook. Sketchbooks are to artists as a bible is to a priest, they allow you a pathway to guide your messages into the world. 

My love for anything creative came from spending time with my grandfather; he taught me to appreciate the ingenuity in every art form, whether it be paintings, movies, sculptures, or even a piece of graffiti. Most of my childhood would be spent in his living room, curled up on an old scratchy green couch, drinking warm hot chocolate in the winter, or eating a bright yellow lemonade-flavored popsicle in the summer. During my summer vacations, most of my nights were spent sleeping over at his house. Every evening we would either pick out a new movie to watch or put on records of Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, or Louis Armstrong and sketch until we were ready for bed. On the nights we decided to draw, I would have a black and white polka-dotted blanket draped on my lap, with a black graphite pencil in one hand and an old ripped sketchbook in the other.

My grandpa would be sitting to the left, almost mirroring me, except that he had a ruby red blanket and a sky blue sketchbook that seemed to be in much better condition than mine. While we sketched, we would talk about anything and everything. These conversations typically ended with a big life lesson that sounded like it should be the theme of a Hallmark movie. His number one life lesson was, "In life, you need to surround yourself with things that make you happy; otherwise, life won't feel worth living." Even though he gifted me these great words of advice, I couldn't find myself putting these lessons into practice.

Then one day, at school, I received a call from my mom. When my mom started talking, it felt like the world had suddenly stopped; she explained that my grandpa had been diagnosed with cancer. The next three weeks were dreadful because I wasn't allowed to visit my grandpa in the hospital due to COVID-19 protocols. But I tried to keep my hopes up because my grandpa would be having surgery. Sadly, when the doctors went in for surgery, they saw that the cancer had grown. Later that day the doctors decided to send him home for hospice. 

After my grandpa had been home for a couple of weeks I drove to his house so I could say my last goodbye. I remember walking into his room; my hands were shaking, and my heart was stuck in my throat; I was coming to the realization that I was about to say goodbye to the one person who gave me the long-lasting support I needed. Three months after my grandpa was diagnosed, he passed away, and even though these were the worst three months of my life, one good thing did occur from it. I finally realized that I needed to take his life lessons to heart. I started changing everything in my life that made me unhappy; I improved my grades and began spending my days focusing on my artwork. I finally realized that I didn't need to create my own worlds to be happy; instead, I could shape my reality into something that makes me happy.