The Satisfaction of Creation: Narrative Essay

Many times in my life I’ve found myself in a hole. A hole where I took apart something incredibly complicated and I had no idea how to put it back together. Ever since I was old enough to move around I’ve always liked taking objects apart. I’ve taken apart toys, electronics, furniture, and so much more; pretty much anything I could get my hands on. For all my life, when I take apart a complicated piece of electronics, mess with it, and put it back together, I get this intoxicating feeling of happiness and accomplishment. And recently I discovered that when I build something, that intoxicating feeling is even stronger.

I didn't start with all the experience of taking things apart that I have now; when I was young I found every little thing I could disassemble. I needed something to fidget with and so I took things apart. The earliest story I have is from when I was two and I took apart the pins that held my grandparents’ sliding door in place. When I took those pins apart it wasn’t just the fidgeting part I was entertained by. It was the infatuation with how all the little pieces worked. As I grew up I continued to take apart as many random items as I could. I disassembled those items and wondered. How does this work? What does this piece do? Why does it need this part to work? Once, when I was nine or ten, my parents’ old 45” flatscreen TV died and they decided to get a new TV instead of repairing it. So I sat in my room for a good few hours taking it apart and messing with different components. While I was never able to fix the TV, it was incredibly fun just to take it apart and fuel that intoxicating feeling.

Since then I’ve continued to chase that intoxicating feeling; I’ve taken apart so many things and learned so much. I’ve learned how to remember the order of parts to reassemble, the different screw heads, how to open plastic without scratching it, and what certain pieces on a circuit do. Something I learned a lot from when I disassembled it was my old PS4 that broke. It had a cooling problem and I tried to fix it, but I couldn’t. I often look back at that memory, wondering why nothing I did would fix it. But now I’ve realized what I could’ve done to save it. I could’ve looked over all the cooling components, added new thermal paste, cleared the drive, and installed a fresh operating system. While I didn’t know that then, I now know what I should do if I ever have more cooling problems with my electronics. A few months later, when I was eleven, my parents gave me a model car engine for Christmas but it came disassembled, so I had to build it. When I was eleven I only took things apart and put them back together, I had never built something. Six years later I decided I would work on building that engine. For five hours I sat on my bed assembling the tiniest of pieces and once I pressed the power button, everything worked perfectly. It was so incredibly satisfying. On top of the satisfaction from building something, I learned how an engine was constructed and learned about engine parts that I never knew existed. But, more important than anything else, I got that intoxicating feeling. That intoxicating feeling that I originally thought came from taking things apart.

Building the model engine taught me something incredibly important; I love building just as much as disassembling. Right now I might not be able to do much as a child, but I have so many plans for what I want to build in the future. For example, I saw a table online that was made out of an engine block. When I grow up I plan to make that table simply because it’s cool and I can. After the table, I’m going to build a car. I’m going to buy all the parts separately and build the car myself. I want to struggle. I want to get angry that a part won’t fit. I want to make mistakes. I want to quit and come back with more resolve to finish what I started. I want to build something that drives and is truly, 100%, my own. Because in the end, the satisfaction, the sense of accomplishment, and the intoxicating feeling from driving a car I built will be worth every moment of suffering. 

I love taking things apart, I’ve always loved it and it defines who I am. I will never stop taking apart things so long as my hand can hold a screwdriver. But I’ve also discovered a new path in life that fuels that intoxicating feeling. That is why I’m going to become an engineer. Instead of living a life of disassembling things I want to create things. I want to live my life chasing that intoxicating feeling of creation. That feeling of creating something that is truly, my own.