There was a river flowing, a deep blue hue reflected off the presence of the instant, with the faultless horizon above me. The dark night echoed that nonchalant stillness I so desperately craved. Against the black of the night, the water took upon a new facade, delightful with colors and life. This was peace, this was my aesthetic. A setting as beautiful as this allowed me to divulge my mind into life. Not just simple life, but everything. Everything important and even unimportant had crossed my conscious mind. Thus began my pursuit to happiness.
It seems that happiness is a source of love, family, a job, and of friends. These are things I’ve struggled relentlessly with. From the beginning, I’ve asked myself what is love? Is it just some chemical imbalance all human beings have? Is love just a fairytale and an invisible product? Being naïve, I did not have these answers. Throughout my life I’ve had this struggle. Love is something that at times I’ve been flooded with and at other times I’ve been devoid of. At this point, I’m nothing less of a philophobe. So, I entered my journey, mainly unknowingly. My mother was not a very good parent, and her actions reflect who I have become. After all, people are merely a product of their environment. New generations are bred from the last. My family has shown me this idea of love, this unconditional love. But what is it? How can somebody love anybody else unconditionally? It’s impossible for me to conceive this notion. Thus, love had led me to a new idea; that love itself was merely an invisible product. Love is seen in the media as some magical, attainable feeling and basically, love sells. I swung and struck out on love.
Family is something everybody has, small or big. However, through my discoveries, family is not something that brings happiness and at times it can bring sorrow as well. An ambiguous myth, that has been proven false time and time again, is that money can bring glee. I have had a job, I have worked for my own money and yet that money does not bring me any sense of bliss. It is merely artificial and while money has become a necessity in society, I find it minuscule in authentic value.
Another accessory to life that can bring delight is friends. Friends are supposed to be there for you, to consult you, to aid you, and to give you advice. While friends come and go, the importance is not in the obvious help itself. The world in which you live is based on your own perspective. That is everybody’s prerogative. The help that friends convey is their own perception and that is what facilitates a form of joy in oneself. I have friends, some close and some not, but I have not found happiness in having them.
While none of the marks were achieved, I learned something key. Happiness does not come from the result of the pursuit, but from the plight itself. Contentment comes from inside oneself in self acceptance. When somebody is able to accept who they are, they can find that inner happiness. While, happiness is not a perpetual concept and is relative to the abhorred sadness, it is an idea that somebody can find. I have discovered this and I am me.