The time had come. It was time to face my foe. I had been wronged long enough. So, though I was shaking with fear from my whiskers to my rotund belly, I told Pekoe that it would happen now. I, Cozmo the Magnificent, would slay the Dragon of Doom. (Yes, I know I said in the title the Dragon of Death. It was so greedy, it took the name of Doom and Death. Also, I made a mistake on the keyboard, and didn’t feel like fixing it. But don’t tell anyone. It’s too undignified.)
I bet you’re thinking, Who is this crazy person? So, just let me explain. I am Cozmo the Magnificent, the Cat of Prophecy, the One We Have All Been Waiting For.
In other words, ladies, I am the cat of your dreams. Cat, you say? How can a cat do such heroic deeds? I have no idea. But I am no ordinary cat! I am Cozmo the Magnificent, the Cat of Prophecy, blah blah blah. If the fact that I am a cat, albeit the best of the best, turns you aside, stop reading now. You do not deserve to learn about my chivalrous life.
Enough about me. I need to tell you about my motivation, so when you little kiddies want to become a great big knight like me, you know how to begin. There’s this cat in my life. Her name is Pekoe. She is brown and furry and warm and fuzzy and perfectly perfect in every single perfectly perfect way. She’s the real reason I mean to slay the dragon. She likes his manliness and I am jealous. So I will slay him, because I, Cozmo the Magnificent, the Cat of Prophecy, the One We Have All Been Waiting For, am the only one that is entitled to cuddle with her. I am just too handsome, smart, brave, and modest for her to resist, don’t you think? Yes, I know. Now, I need to tell you about the Dragon of Deathly Doom. ( See! I made a compromise! I am awesome.)
Jasper Boo Fluffernuttius, the thief of houses and pretty kitties, is vaguely canine in appearance. He has a golden-yellow coat, two dark, lovey eyes and a pink floppy tongue used to give humans the kiss of death. All in all, he is nowhere near as handsome as me. He arrived here not very long after me, about two years ago.
Cozmo, stop blathering about dragons and yourself. Go slay the dragon already.
(Poor fool. He doesn’t get that Jasper only wants to play.)
That was Pekoe. She just likes doing things to annoy me. If she shows up sometimes, just ignore her. Listen to me, because I am Cozmo the Magnificent, the Cat of Prophecy, the One We Have All Been Waiting For. It was time. I shook off the feeling in my belly, remembering Grandpa Bed-fuzz’s wise words. I repeat them every night before bed. (Listen to the belly, Cozmo, m’boy. The belly is your SOUL!!!)
I crept down the stairs, step by step, ignoring the jiggle in my belly. Whenever I go down stairs my belly jiggles because of its added weight. It was time.
You’ve said that several times already. If you keep on doing this I won’t type it for you.
Why not?
Spell check is mad. They gave me a lot of words with little red lines underneath.
That means they like it.
I give up trying to explain it to you. Now, if it has bad grammar, like the _ and _and _ and _, it’s not my fault.
The dragon was asleep. Lucky me. I crept up, hiding behind a chair. A human was with him. His prisoner, I guess. I made a mental note to free her later. I forgot that mental note promptly. I had more important things to worry about.
Yeah, like your big belly? Face it Cozmo, you’ve got bad memory.
My stomach jiggled, from fright. Listen to the belly, Cozmo, m’boy. The belly is your SOUL!!! I told myself frantically that I would survive. I snuck up. The human saw me, but didn’t react. Smart girl. I tried to remember what I planned to do.
Kill the dog?
Very funny, Pekoe. I crept around the person, whacking the dog with the sharp side of my beautiful paw. Blood oozed out. I ran up the stairs, pleased with what I had done. I, Cozmo the Magnificent, the Cat of Prophecy, the One We Have All Been Waiting For, had slain the dragon.
Don’t listen to him. Listen to me. Jasper is fine. He’s just mad. Very mad. Cozmo, stay away from him, you cheesehead.
Great. Pekoe, Jasper is un-killable. I tried my best. Now will you marry me?
I’ll think about it.
Well, Pekoe says that I have an enemy. Too bad for him. When we have our final confrontation, I’ll probably die in the effort, but hey, you should see the other guy. For I am Cozmo the Magnificent, the Cat of Prophecy, the One We Have All Been Waiting For. And now, my fans, I have a little advice for you. Remember it forever, but don’t tell any one. It is… Oh, I forgot. Too bad!
What he meant to say, though I don’t think it helps, is to listen to the belly. The belly is your SOUL!!!)
I knew that, because I am Cozmo the Magnificent, the Cat of Prophecy, the One We Have All Been Waiting For.
We all know!