Opulence | Teen Ink

Opulence MAG

May 1, 2008
By AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
5 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There&#039;s just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger<br /> <br /> Life it too short to let you matter.


I’ve been watching him for days now. When he leaves his house to go to school, I’m the one carefully tailing him, switching cars every day to make myself look less suspicious. If he ever sneaks out of his second-story room, I’ll be the one silently watching from a nearby tree. In class when he turns, feeling eyes on the back of his head, I’m the one who sent the hair on the back of his neck up on end. I am the girl whose shadow is always slightly overlapping his.

Being assigned to watch him almost makes me
feel like I’m not a stalker. Though I’m only 17, I’m a full-fledged member of the organization known as O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E. I’ve been with them since the ­tender age of five. It’s my home. Being an orphan, my office is also my permanent residence, the couch a fold-out bed. There are many others like me: no family. A lot of us are loners and haven’t chosen this route for ourselves.

I’m a tracker. I have been for years and some might say that I am the best at not being the best. In other words, I’m great at being invisible. Or at not being noticed. It’s not as hard as the others in the organization think. Being young and female is good, since most we track are young. Seeing me around younger people – my age, actually – doesn’t raise alarm bells. It helps that I’m cute. With a small frame, light hazel eyes, and short blond hair that curls under my chin, I don’t appear threatening. Of course, my ­organization-funded training doesn’t back that theory.

Soon I won’t be tracking down others with the power. They are finally going to give me an apprentice. After years of mastering everything I’ve been taught, they see my potential. That’s not to say I know everything. Even with my extended life I won’t be able to learn all the things I want to. If only this annoying boy would show the signs. It’s been almost a week. If he doesn’t show soon, they’ll reassign me. That much longer until I get my apprentice.

So here I am, sipping a latté and waiting for the Target to leave for school. I have been put in all of his classes in case something happens there, though I graduated high school years ago. Private tutors sped things up. With no family or personal ties, I had lots of time to devote to my studies. Martial arts black belts. Twelve languages, not including English. Everything a girl needs for a serious career in the agency. Such positions of power are not handed out easily. You must prove yourself many times over.

The Target and I have never spoken, but I know a lot about him. His file told me some, but after watching him for only a few days, I feel confident in saying that I know things no one else does. Not just the obvious, either. He resents his father and is protective of his mother, which makes me suspect the father is less than faithful. He smiles often but doesn’t make a lot of eye contact. He usually only speaks when spoken to. Although he has many friends, he isn’t close with any of them. The Target is observant, a watcher. This leads me to believe we would get along if he shows any promise.

I look down at my watch, then back at his house a few blocks away. The Target is late, which means I’ll be late too. Today my ride is a shiny black sports car, not out of place in this suburb full of midlife-crisis men. I turn on the engine impatiently. I’m fiddling with the radio when I hear something. I don’t feel any immediate danger, and I know to trust those feelings. But I ­also know that something is off.

Just as I am about to get out of the car and pretend to look in the trunk, the passenger door opens. I look up in surprise as the Target slides into the seat next to me. I grin, quite pleased by this turn of events. This is definitely a good sign. Perhaps intuition is strong in him. That would be good for my apprentice to have, complementary. I could handle having to deal with that.

“Hello, Lenna. Why have you been following me for a week now?” the Target asks lightly, conversationally, his first words ever said in my direction.

Ah, one of my many aliases. The organization set it up so that whenever I’m on a case, I get a new name, past, and present. It’s very powerful. The organization can basically do anything it needs; it has people everywhere imaginable. I’m just one of many, though there aren’t that many at the top, as I am. They don’t trust many to be trackers. Or to be apprentices. All of the full members have the power, though we control others to get things done.

My smile deepens as I say in my authoritative, professional voice, “My real name is Jade. I am a witch of the moon and a tracker for the organization known as O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E. You are also a witch. We would like to formally welcome you into the organization as my apprentice. Here is my card for verification.”

Jade Wordsworth
Tracker for O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E
Official Political Understanding Lending ­Everyone ­Navigation for Co-Existing Ethereals
Office hours: 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon-Sat
Phone: 555-5555
Proud league of witches of the sun and moon.
Worldwide.

“What do you mean ‘moon and sun’? Or ‘tracker’?” he asks, still looking at my card like it’s going to ­disappear.

“Types of magic. Moon is all about spells, the sun is more potion-based, though each type of witchcraft involves the other somehow. As a tracker, I find people like you and I bring them to O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E. Every witch must register, train, and become a member by law. In fact, the organization is like a government targeted toward witches,” I explain with a smile, loving the fact that this time I get to teach the newbie.

“Magic? Seriously?” he asks, eyes wide, meeting mine. They are large, yellow, and catlike.

I click a button on my left, automatically locking the doors. I put the car into drive, pulling out onto the road. As an afterthought I add as a courtesy, “I think you had better come with me.” .



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This article has 896 comments.


on Feb. 16 2009 at 12:43 am
xxnblyxx BRONZE, Norwalk, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments
captivating, smart, witty...great start,it wasn't perfect everywhere but really great start you should really continue

on Feb. 14 2009 at 11:29 pm
Great hook.

doesn't remind me of twilight at all.

maybe make her not so perfect,have some flaws

the were cat said...
on Feb. 13 2009 at 5:49 pm
As I read the article, it fired my imagination.

I found it intesting to rea about an organisation like spies for witches.

makes me want to read more.

MeggEllo said...
on Feb. 12 2009 at 11:56 pm
I like it a lot, did you continue it at all? Is there another chapter? I'd LOVE to see where this is going.

SunshineGirl said...
on Feb. 11 2009 at 2:39 am
that's AMAZING, so intense! Just so WOW!!!

RedHot95 said...
on Feb. 11 2009 at 12:33 am
OMG! that's really good!

Kathryn2010 said...
on Feb. 9 2009 at 2:47 am
I thought it was the start of a really good book! Keep Writing!

IS!! said...
on Feb. 7 2009 at 12:28 pm
ONE WORD: WOW!!! :DDDD THIS PIECE IS TRULY ENTHRALLING!

reader1 said...
on Feb. 5 2009 at 4:09 pm
Something in your writing was missing- some sort of flow... Maybe if you worked on the transitions a bit more instead of bouncing from one sentence to another, the writing quality would improve.

Nicovera said...
on Feb. 4 2009 at 12:55 pm
very nice initial idea. I don't know why others are talking about a Twilight vibe, though. anyway, I do agree with others, it was much too abrupt (and the boy IS rather gullible, but some boys are very gullible. then again, if you want him to be different powerwise, why not make him different personality wise?)

Overall it was very good. The beginning was the best to me, because it was descriptive enough to get a hang of what's going on, but not so descriptive that it's boring. But then again, I'm the type of girl who liked Fahrenheit 451, so might want to get a second opinion there XD

Keep going girl, you show a lot of potential. And the way you have magic and technology mixed together? (There has to be technology, those cards arn't made with old fasion stamps-the boy should know that) Very good idea. Perhaps it's not the most origonal thing so far, but you've wound this story around you're hand and won't let it go.

Good luck!

-Nico

cman101 said...
on Feb. 3 2009 at 1:57 pm
this is a great book i am going to buy it next morth

Anonymous said...
on Feb. 2 2009 at 9:31 pm
''Eh.. The writing wasn't stellar and the plotline is hurried and cliche. I think commenters before me have hit on this, but I'll throw it in as well... Your main character is much too perfect, a MarySue if you will. Twelve languages, great fighting skills, pretty, magical powers.. ''

.InkWell. said...
on Feb. 2 2009 at 7:46 pm
I don't think your character really screams perfect, just very confident. An enternal struggle could really be cool for Jade, in my opinion. I do agree however, with some of the posts saying it's too quick. It's very fast paced. It didn't really remind me of twilight; but you seem to have a similar writing style to Stephanie Myers. I do like the book Twilight, but I liked it because of the writing style, not the story. Yay, complement! Keep writing! Over all I really liked the story, just thought it wents too fast.

on Feb. 2 2009 at 12:12 am
Overall, I think the story is good. But it's definitely not spectacular. The plot seems interesting but the character does seem too perfect. However, I think if you got it published as a completed novel it would be extremely successful in terms of appealing to the teen demographic. Personally, it does not appeal that much to me but it is obvious why the majority of readers are so intrigued by it. :)

i<3you said...
on Jan. 31 2009 at 7:49 pm
This is very good, kept my interest. Didn't see the witch thing coming!

Emster29 said...
on Jan. 31 2009 at 7:49 pm
HOLY CRAP! I'm caught hook line and sinker. That was amazing and I cant WAIT for you to finish. I know I will see that in the bookstore in a year or two! Keep it up!

on Jan. 29 2009 at 1:54 pm
Oh please... This story is cliche??? You must not even be able to read.... <_<_ which is not tori's fault. Tori hon, great job. One of my emails is snburnbabyburn@aol.com, mail me sometime. And to the rest of you idiots who said this stoy is cliche? Uh, hello?! Anything fantasy is supposedly cliche right now! But regardless. Tori this was great sweetie, i definatly loved it, and KEEP ON WRITING!!!!!!!!! <3

keabby said...
on Jan. 28 2009 at 3:38 am
obviously it was some king of good cuz they leftt loots and lotss of comment. i personallyy loveedd it?! keep doing you it was great.

on Jan. 27 2009 at 9:08 pm
I find this an amazingly interesting story that I would love to hear much more of.

on Jan. 26 2009 at 11:09 pm
Eh.. The writing wasn't stellar and the plotline is hurried and cliche. I think commenters before me have hit on this, but I'll throw it in as well... Your main character is much too perfect, a MarySue if you will. Twelve languages, great fighting skills, pretty, magical powers..



Maybe this would be better if fleshed out more.