London, October 5
This is our last day here in London. I can’t wait to go back home. My anxiety has been very bad, because I couldn’t not feel safe as in Brighton.
Going out after my first night in London, was very difficult.
I was scared about people’s judgement over my body and what I was wearing.
My pills haven’t helped me at all. Taking them was like not taking them.
In Madame Tussauds, I had a really though day. In that museum I was feeling like pent- up in a cage. All the lights in that place Madame my anxiety grow really badly that they had to carry me away with an ambulance.
In the hospital they tried to calm me down with some sedatives and they have prescribed me a stronger dose of my anxiety pills.
They told me that I should go to the mental hospital, but I’m still not ready.
In the night they made me go back to my hotel room.
Joe after that bad accident, decided not to leave me alone. He would even follow me going to the bathroom to pee.
I knew he was doing everything to make me feel better, but I was feeling claustrophobic.
The day after went better, maybe because I was going to the Harry Potter museum. There I felt like I was a Gryffindor. Seeing the scenarios and the locations of the film, made me feel very happy. My anxiety that they were very good. I didn’t feel different, I thought that for one day I was part of this world.
That night Joe and I went to the Wembley Arena, we had a great time because I bought the VIP tickets, so we could see everything better and we also had our one little room where we could have dinner.
At the Wembley Arena, I was feeling like I was at home in Brighton.
I can’t explain why. Maybe because of the crowd and of the loud music. That night I decided to take with me my camera so I took a lot of foots of the football players but also of the crowd.
I really want to see how the photos came out, because I used a different lens. I decided to use a 28 mm lens. The 28 MM lens has been invented to take pictures of details like flowers and insects. I decided to use it to take pictures of the players and also of the crows. I wanted to capture the details not the background.
7 p.m. is time for us to go back home. During the journey I’m so tired that I fall asleep. In this week I didn’t sleep properly due to my problems.
I was so excited to go back home and to take a relaxing bath while reading a book.
One hour later, we are finally back in the cold and dark Brighton. Anything has changed in the week we were gone.
The city seems to be desert, maybe because it is a Monday night and everyone is at home with their family.
Walking it the streets at this time is priceless, because they are empty and no one is ready to judge me.
When I walk in our flat, I feel like I missed my place, my nest.
I go over the mail, and I see that uncle Chai sent us a card for our birthday, he never forgets us.
I open in at read it out loud so that Joe can hear it.
“My dear twin’s nephew, today is your birthday. You are 17 now. One year older than last year. I’m sorry that I’m not there with you celebrating your birthday, but I can’t wait to celebrate it the 7th.
Have a beautiful day,
your lovely uncle Chai.”
” Joe did you understand? uncle Chai is coming in two days. We need to tell him about our trip.”
“Yes”, I hear Joe screaming from the bathroom.
I decide to cook us dinner because I ‘really hungry. Because we don’t have anything in our fridge I decided to order from Wag mama’s our tea.
The food doesn’t take that long to arrive, just the right time for me to take a shower to remove that smell of train.
Joe and I decide to eat while watching to, we aren’t used to that because our parents didn’t allow us eating while watching Tv shows.
We decided to watch a film: “The sound of music”. Our favorite film.
Joe and I know all the songs so sang them for the duration of the entire film.
Sometime I really hoped that I had Julie Andrews as my nanny because I love her personality and her simplicity.
12 p.m. the film has just ended and outside there is a storm.
I decided to wear my superstar and go outside even if is raining.
Joe will say that I’m crazy but I don’t care.
I grab my keys and I go to the beach. I start running and taking of my clothes. I really want to swim right now.
The water is cold, but not that cold to stop me.
I start swimming, and I feel my body releasing all the stress and anxiety collected in London.
In the distance I hear Joe screaming my name, I didn’t realize he was following me.
After a while I decide to come out of the water, because I start feeling a little bit cold.
Joe is yelling at me right now, but I’m not hearing him at all.
For the first time I did something for myself and I’m proud of what I did.
I’m dragged with the strength at home by Joe.
1 a.m. Goodnight world, see you tomorrow.