You would think surviving would be the hardest part. But having to watch everyone I have ever loved catch it was harder. Watching them slowly die has to be the most painful part of this. Day 97  I mark on my grotty calendar I found in what was my neighbors house. 97 days of people slowly fading from my life. No signs of them ever existing besides their belongings that they left behind. The belongings I have used and still am to help myself survive. Never knew how alone you could feel until you are the only one left alive. At Least the only person alive that I know of. I remember just a year ago I would be sitting on the couch with my family mom,dad,my 2 annoying younger brothers and my older sister. Not the happiest of families. Seeing how easily our neighbors' family got along compared to us you would think we were enemies. But it worked for us and I would do anything to get that back, to get them back. It was my mom who got sick first. We thought it was just an average cold so we treated it as just that. But when it started affecting her lungs,heart, and brain we knew it was much more serious. We took her to the hospital to see them just as concerned as us but at times 20. We started worrying more when we heard the words

“I've never seen anything like this before.”

Leave the doctor's mouth. We knew something serious was wrong. Before we came to the hospital my mom started having seizures, struggling to breathe, constantly had to be reminded of who we were, and could barely get up. This all happened in 3 days of her being ill. Even though I knew this when we signed her into the hospital to get checked out I still expected to just be given stronger over the counter medicine that could help her until she was better. But when I was informed that they don't have a treatment or cure for what she has right now because they never had any other patient come in with this I froze. The more tests they did  on her the worse the news got. This illness was killing her and it was wasting no time to do so. It hit me that they couldn't find a cure in time for her to be able to survive. We knew we had limited time with her. No one knew if it was contagious or not so they had to keep her in her room away to be safe. But my dad and my siblings and I were able to see her before she passed. The doctors knew it was the day her body wouldn't be able to stay stable as her body has been shutting down through the week. It was silent in the room and all you could hear was crying.  I was never very close with her unlike my siblings, which made me feel sorrow for them. I know this is a big loss for myself too. But I missed the time I could've spent with her and that is my fault. It doesn't feel right to pity myself when the rest of my family tried way harder than I ever have. We sat there by her side saying our goodbyes until we heard a loud gasp. The sound of the last breath, noise, and sign of life my mom has made. The silence was then replaced with the machine she was hooked up to beeping with no break. Alerting the doctors that her heart has stopped. As they all ran to our room we stood there frozen staring at her lifeless body. You would think she had been dead for weeks with the conditions she was in. She stopped eating a few days after she came into the hospital. Thin, flushed, and fragile. She gave up on trying to survive. Very soon after the rest of my family got it in the order of my sister,dad, two brothers, and our dog. They all died a week after getting it the same way except I didn't get to have a proper goodbye with them after the doctors confirmed it was contagious no one was allowed to have any contact with them. It started spreading through the whole hospital. Spreading person by person until the whole population got sick. A sickness that I soon realized was caused by me. I realized when my friends got infected too. Having to say goodbye again from the same thing that killed my family. Then my teachers, and soon the whole school. I am not sick so the explanation to why one day I woke up and suddenly everyone around me got a mystery illness is beyond me. But even after I figured it out I still continued going places and seeing the world, spreading it. Call it selfish of me but I already lost everyone I loved. They deserved too as well, especially my loving neighbors family. I allowed myself to spread it all the way until human extinction. My daily routine consisted of waking up at my own time,brushing my teeth,marking my calendar, day 98, going through houses that have been abandoned to find any food that hasn't gone bad or anything that could be useful or I want. Once I find a pretty good amount of stuff I head back to the same house I grew up in and store it. Keeping myself entertained is a struggle so I go on drives farther out for anything that may be useful or just so I am not bored. Avoiding the bodies that were left behind by the people who decided to die at home. I drive back when it starts getting dark and get ready for bed. I have no proper night routine then to brush my teeth, and lay in bed to sleep. Not the most eventful life when everyone else is gone. But I don't regret getting rid of them all, why do they deserve to be happy? Many days passed of doing the same thing: day 99, day 100, day 101, day 102, day 103, up until day 114 something new happened. I was driving in a new direction I have never been before, I recently filled my gas with a gas can I found in my garage. As I went left instead of right which is my usual way I first saw the same thing. Abandoned houses, bodies lying dead, all the destruction I have created. I should feel guilty but when I see this I feel a smirk on my face. As I drive further down the road I pick a pretty blue 2 story house to look for another gas can to make sure I have enough to get back or for the future. As I pull into the driveway and grab the knob I notice it is locked. I grab the heaviest rock I see and throw it through one of the front windows to climb through. Being very cautious about where I place my legs avoiding leftover glass. As I climb in I see a very wealthy house, very expensive looking chandeliers, shiny gold decorations. As I explore the house more I see a body, must've been one of the past owners. I go upstairs to see just as well decorated rooms. I see more bodies in the rooms as I go through them one by one until I see all 3 of the bedrooms. I head back downstairs to see the body I once saw is gone. 

“Get the hell out!” 

I hear a voice from behind me say. I turned around fast to see that the body I once saw wasn't lifeless at all. A blonde female around my age with dark brown eyes holding a knife tightly gripped in her hands. Even though she is the one with the weapon I can tell she is more scared then I am. She is about 14 feet away from me which perhaps is a good thing. I can see her shaking as I stand there frozen looking her up and down.

“You live here alone?” I say trying to avoid the subject of the knife. 

“I live here with my family now, get out!” I hear her shaking soft voice say, her stepping a bit closer. 

My stomach turns, and I feel as if I have the flu, but this is different.  Why do I feel this way? Her rosy cheeks flushed a vibrant red as she screamed at me. I didn't hate watching her get flustered. I hope I'm not getting red. Her family? So those bodies upstairs were also not lifeless? I stand there looking at her face making eye contact. I remember her from school. She is one of those people who you admire in the hallways but never have enough courage to talk too. A star looks dim compared to her. I step back a few steps, to keep the distance. 

“Why are you backing away?” she smirks nervously, dropping the rusted knife on the wood floor. “Are you scared of me?”

I hear a loud thud on the stairs. 

“Lora! Is everything alright?” A deep voice screams from upstairs. I am assuming it's her dad.

She looks at me and then looks at the knife. Will she scream back that I’m here? The girl smirks again and giggles.

“No, everything is fine, I dropped something” she says walking closer to me again.

I can't go near her, even if it was my greatest desire.  

“I’m coming down now!” the voice says as we hear loud thumps on the stairs.

I frantically look for somewhere to hide. There is no point. I must leave now. I run to the window and wish for the best. 

“Wait!” She whispers just loud enough for me to hear. “I want to know your name!”

I wish I could tell her, but I can't risk it. I wave at her, and jump.

I open the car door and look back at the window, to see her staring at me holding what looks like a round ball. I drive farther and farther away from there, going back to the house. I take off my coat, and realize a button is missing. Maybe it fell off in the car, oh well. I might as well sleep now while I can. As I'm lying in bed, all I can think about is her. I wonder what she smells like. Probably like a field of roses, and sweet nectar from a tree. I want to see her again. It's my only wish. 

I wake up the next morning and start brewing tea. I think about her as I'm stirring in the honey. Something clicks in my head, and I realize what I might have done. I rush out the door and grab my coat, missing its button. The ball she was holding was my button! Please say she didn't get the illness from my button. Oh, what have I done? As I pull up to the house I leave my car a few blocks down, just in case. I see her through the window, from the looks of it she still looks healthy.  I frantically knock on the window, relieved she's okay. 

“It's you again!” She says brightly. “I was worried sick about you!”

She was thinking about me? My heart turns a bit soft, and beats faster.

“You can come inside the house now and explain yourself, maybe give me a proper introduction?”

It was too risky, 

“No I am fine out here” I stutter 

She was persistent in finding out who I was. After a while, I realized her naive self wouldn't give up. I gave in and told her my name. 

“Leo,” I said . “That's my name.”

“Okay then Mr. Leo, who exactly are you now, a stalker?” she says, lifting an eyebrow.

I smiled at her and said,”I'm honestly not sure myself, and Leo is fine”

I begin walking towards the car. When I got home I knew I wanted to see her again. She told me,

“Every day from 6-8 my parents are out looking through abandoned places for supplies. so if you want to creep around, that's when you should!”

I went there the next day. 

“Hello again Master Leo,” She smirks, bowing down to me. 

“I told you Leo is fine, Lora” I roll my eyes.

“How do you know my name?” She exclaims.

“One of your folks yelled ‘Lora’ at you, remember?” 

“Not fair! I wanted to be all anonymous like you!” She glares,

I laugh at her, watching her rosy cheeks go red again. 

“Hey, it's not funny!” she screams at me. 

I continue to go to her house for a few more days, just to see her. I sit in bed, and sigh. I can't keep doing this. She might try getting closer to  me when I'm not paying attention, then it's over. I will only see her tonight, then I must stop. I thought I would want to kill everyone, but she's different. I would never forgive myself if she died. I have to be prepared for the worst. If she gets too close, I'll have to run.

I drove back up to the same blue 2 story house I planned on just robbing to see her through the window. I see her sitting on the couch entertaining herself. After I see her I know it's time. I head back into my car fast before she is able to get the slightest look of me. I drive back into the same house where everything has happened and head back into what was my parents room. My dad and I used to always go hunting together so I knew where he stored a gun. I know the only way I could keep anyone who is alive right now including Lora and her family is if I am gone. I grab the gun making sure it is loaded and hold it up to my head. I hold it still there for a moment letting tears go down my face. 

“Stay safe Lora.” I mumble as my finger presses down on the trigger.