There are too many people on this planet, I’m sorry but it is the truth. Step aside global warming, this problem is much more important and urgent! The ones concerned with climate change obviously have not seen all of the data surrounding this overpopulation issue. We’ve already dealt with ice ages before, so what's the big deal? The population is only going up, up, and up and we have to do something about it. This whole pandemic fiasco is no help either because of the massive baby boom it will cause. Every couple has been locked up inside for all of these months; what else do you think they are doing? We need to fix this and I have a few easy solutions.

    Before you read these next couple of paragraphs I am going to need you to come in with an open mind. Some of these could be considered a bit out there but, hey, we didn’t get cheese in a can by thinking inside of the box, and so I offer up the ways of Sparta. Yes, I’m talking about gladiators, the coliseum, and all of that jazz because there really is no difference between those fights and American football. It sounds a bit primal in today’s world but when you think about it, they might have had the right idea. You either gather volunteers from around the world who would love to fight or bring in some prisoners to get the event going. Not only would it help decrease the population in an entertaining way, but it would also muster up a large sum of money, which can be used for the advancement of civilization, effectively killing two birds with one stone. In the beginning, some people may be opposed to the idea, but as time goes on, and gladiators once again become a norm, tech moguls, U.S senators, and billionaire socialites around the world will line up to place bets at their local fight fests. There is the possibility that no one will want to volunteer, and in that case, a lottery system can be put in place. Who doesn’t like to gamble? Now, as with all good ideas, this also poses some opposition. Talk of the idea being unethical will arise but there really is no ethical way to decrease population so why not make it fun and exciting? The generation that will be dealing with overcrowding was practically raised on books like The Hunger Games and Divergent, so I am sure all of them would love to have their very own Katniss Everdeen moment.

    For those who would like to look at a different way of whittling down the population,  I have another solution. On planet Earth we are running out of room, so why not just look up? Boom, an infinite amount of space!. By sending excess people into space, the dying option would be avoided (for the most part). It would be ideal for there to be a colony on the Moon, but NASA is still working on that, so we will just have to settle for sending people up in shuttles to orbit the planet that they were invited to leave. A trip to space will give everyone a chance to check out the view! A plus to this option is that once the moon becomes overpopulated, the people can move on to Mars in an exploration headed by the Man of Mars, Elon Musk himself. 

It is also important to remember that this whole system must be fair. Preppy popstars take up just as much space as your local barista so there should be no special treatment. “But we entertain!” they may argue. Yes well, now you will be entertaining people in a different way. This earth is getting full and we need to get rid of some people in order to get it back to its former glory. Either solution that is chosen will be a good one, and I am happy to share my ideas with the world. Once I write up the petition for the extraction of excess peoples, we will have 30 days to get to 100,000 signatures so the time is now! Oh, and of course, as the creator of this idea I (along with my friends and family) will be exempt from the events because there will need to be someone to watch over everything and make sure it does not get out of hand. Anywho, let the games begin!