Your face
Neverland, California
February 7, 2011


Dear Micheal Jackson,


Cut, chop, carve! Cut, chop, carve! I feel these criminal acts almost everyday of my horrid, gruesome life. Just about everyday i reluctantly get butchered by a blood thirsty, insatiable monster. Frankly, I'm getting extremely tired of getting smaller by the day. I seldom ask you for much, but i am demanding that you invest in a bucket for my falling pieces. I want to go back to the way i used to be, big and black!

First of all, everyday i cower in fear, pondering,”Will he cut me today?” Also, I have a question for you: why would you manipulate your own nose? What have i ever done to you? There are many simple and effective solutions for our gigantic, nasal dilemma. I propose that you purchase me a nice, solid gold bucket, so i will be able to retrieve all my falling pieces and place them back on. Maybe over the years i can grow into a full, normal nose. In addition, if you don't comply with my demands i will completely fall off your horrible, newly white face. So, your two options are: you supply me a gleaming bucket, or i hit the road.

Summing it up, such a genius plan will benefit the both of us. I.e, I won't fall off your face and maybe I'll look a little better. Also, the paparazzi won't continue to harass you about your nose problem. Aren't you fed up with being called wacko jacko by the press? I can resolve all of our problems in one word: bucket. I want to thank you for taking your precious time to read my letter. You need me and you “nose” it!


Very truly yours,
Your one and only nose