Warning: The tale you are about to read is horrifyingly strange, absolutely unbelievable, completely embarrassing, and entirely 100 percent true.

Once upon a time a young naïve seventh grader (that’s me!) was waiting in the endless lunch line in her public school cafeteria. With her thoughts on an upcoming quiz and the unfinished homework due next period she was entirely unprepared for what was about to happen to her. From across the large expanse of tables and hungry children she noticed another seventh grader staring intently at her. Blushing, she quickly looked away and returned her thoughts to homework excuses and tests. Little did she know that in a few moments she would experience the most embarrassing moment in her entire junior high career. As she waited mindlessly thinking up reasons to get out of homework the boy she had seen was making his way across the cafeteria. He slid across tables and shoved people out his way, eager to get there before he lost his nerve. As he braved the cafeteria madness he munched on some Ranch Doritos he had stolen from his friend. Finally he made it to where the seventh grader he had been stalking was waiting in line. At this point the girl had noticed the boys approach and was trying with all her might to look engaged in deep thought, however, the boy could not be deterred. She turned around to see if he had left and found herself face to face with the unknown seventh grade boy. He had blue eyes, red hair, and lots of freckles. The girl wondered what on earth he wanted when suddenly he leaned down and began kissing her right there in the school cafeteria! The girl, who had never been kissed before, was unsure of what a kiss like this was supposed to be like but she fairly certain about three things: 1. It was NOT supposed to be in the lunch line at school, 2. It wasn’t supposed to be with someone you had never even seen before, and 3. It was NOT supposed to taste like Ranch Doritos. The girl having just been gagged by a foreign, Dorito tasting tongue ran off to the girl’s bathroom where she repeatedly rinsed her contaminated mouth. From that day forward, well… at least until 9th grade, she refused to kiss anyone and never again ate Ranch Doritos. Later on when she told the story she always explained that, although it was a horrifying experience, she is grateful for the quality lessons she learned that day; to carry gum, mouthwash, mints, or a toothbrush at all times no matter where she was because you are never safe from Dorito having seventh grade boys.

The End