The bitter, eerie consciousness I’d woken with that night is too emotionally painful for me to put into words. My eyes opened but darkness still encircled me, it was a different darkness. A more complex, terrifying extent of darkness. It was not the darkness of the night, after the sun had pasted over the sky. Neither the darkness of slumber when you consciousness had been taken away. This was an entirely new darkness to me. A darkness that called for a new word.
Solitude.
‘Remoteness from habitations, as of a place; absence of human activity,’ but it was more than that.
Gradually my vision returned, but not completely. Only the blurred outlines of objects in the room were visible. The darkness still occupied the small room, the solitude was still present. Darkness did not refer to the quantity of light I could perceive, but what I couldn’t feel.
To be more accurate, what I could feel, which was nothing. Emptiness had inhabited any feelings I was capable of. Like a rock was inside me, just taking up space not producing anything.
A dark figure entered the room and came to my side. I tried to sit up but I could not move. I tried wiggling my fingers, but they could only twitch. Inebriation had taken presence in me, and made it impossible to bring myself into a panic.
My cracked lips felt like sandpaper against my tongue, and my saliva was not enough to change that. My lips parted, and the skin cracked letting droplets of dark blood trickle down my chin. The cut stung and I winced. They managed though to let out a whispered moan, but it was enough to gain the attention of the figure.
Her head snapped in my direction, the pained eyes met mine with remorse. The black, raccoon rings around her eyes stood out against her pallid skin. Her lips trembled as the sight of me cut into her more than my own pain hurt me.
I couldn’t bear starring into the woman’s tortured eyes anymore. I strained my neck attempting to turn away. A soft cry of agony escaped my lips; I bit my bottom lip to distract myself from the pain.
My eyes shut, and hot tears leaked from the corners. They tickled as the streaked my cheeks. A tear caught on my lip and caused the cut to sting even more. I could taste the salt from it on my tongue, it was disgusting. It then rolled down my chin and fell onto my neck.
A cool hand was placed on my cheek, though it boiled the blood beneath my skin. My eyes flashed open, the woman appeared above me, but only her blur was visible a black void behind her hid the rest of the room. She was trembling as she wiped my face, as she tenderly and ever so gently caressed my skin.
A blush rose to my cheeks, I knew she could feel the difference. She forced on a cheep smile, but at least she put in some effort. I took a risk look back at her eyes, the pain still lay there. But behind that, a glint of love was hidden deep within, slipping behind the pupils.
The corners on my lips twitched, almost forming into a smile. The cut in my lip cracked deeper though, and the smile was gone.
Her lips moved, but my ears could only pick up the soothing murmurs in a whisper. I concentrated on her words, and found them not to be of my language, but of a more graceful tongue. The sweet words had blinded me from the darkness, the solitude. It had lifted the weight from my shoulders, bringing light in its place.