Why must my inner thoughts torment me more than the things that happen around me?

She doesn't like you. She deserted you. They don’t care about you.
You were never liked all that much.

These are the thoughts that cloud my mind. Everything I see is hazed by them. They are monsters, lurking in my mind and snaking their way inside my heart.
They taunt me. Use me. Make me afraid.
These thoughts. These demons. They revel in my anguish, grinning sadistically at my misery. They sink their teeth into me, ripping apart at my wavering sense of security. I am left weak, frail. I can’t cry for help. I can’t even help myself.
And once they fully clench their iron grips around me, they loosen their claws and act as if they are my friends. They speak softly, comfortingly, deceitfully.

You aren't loved so you shouldn't believe in yourself. Give up since you’re not worth anything anyway. It isn't worth it. You can’t rely on yourself—or anyone.

Believe in myself? Love myself? Those words have long lost their meaning.
I don’t know what it is to be seen. What does it mean to believe? To love? I cannot understand these foreign words. They are taboo. Forbidden. They cannot exist where my thoughts have control.
These monsters have stolen everything.
My vision is no longer blurred. It is has become black.

I see nothing. There is nothing.

I am nothing.