Secrets…something everyone has. Secrets really hurt...did you ever know that?
Maybe not…but I do. Secrets really hurt...especially when you have to keep them from people who you wish you could tell them to…people who treat you really nicely…people who care. I always used to think that keeping secrets were easy and fun. That was until I had to keep one…if a secret is yours and only affects you, then you’re free to reveal it but if it isn’t fully yours...if it’s shared by others…if it not only affects you but many? That was what my secret was like…a secret that I could not reveal…a secret that belonged to me and some others.
You wanna know my story? Well here it goes……………
It all started when I came back from school on Monday. Isn’t it funny how most things that change your life seem to happen on Monday? Anyway…I come home and my Aunt was there with my mom and my mom was crying. I didn’t know why. My mom looked pale…her eyes red from crying…the tears must have been heavy.
I went to my mother and embraced her. “What’s wrong?” I asked
She was silent. I turned to my aunt. She turned away
Then I saw him….a man about 5.2 feet tall.
“What are you doing here?” I asked
He bent down so that he could see my face clearly. “If it wasn’t for your father…I wouldn’t even bend down, young lady”
My father was the head of the Securities Department. Everyone respected him. Especially people like this guy.
“What’s up?” I asked
“Your brother….Ian. He’s fled the country.”
“What happened?” I asked
“We believe that he helped some people kill the prim minister.”
“What? You must be joking! Ian never even fights at school! Just gets beaten up. Why would he kill?” I asked taking it all as a big joke.
“Young lady. This is not a joke. I am not saying Ian killed anyone…I’m just saying he may be involved. He might of helped the killers.”
“Well who did kill the prime minister?”
“We don’t know. Not yet.”
“So you don’t know who did it and you come here telling us that our Ian is a killer?”
“I didn’t say he was…”
“Yeah yeah…you think he is. But why even think it?”
“Because he ran away and the killers were with him!”
“Well couldn’t they have kidnapped him?
“That is possible…”
“Well then go and try to save him. Don’t stay here accusing him of things he didn’t do!” I said
I was scared, sad, and also a little angry. The man came even closer to me and looked at my face; his eyes were red from fury. I bet no other 16 year old has ever talked to him like that.
My heart began to beat fast.
“If it wasn’t for your father...Emilia Altro, you would be in jail by now.” he said
“I’ll thank my father later but you better leave now.” I said hiding my fear and he left.
After the man left, I closed the front door. Then…I breathed.
“Emilia Altro…”started my aunt. I looked at her ready for a long lecture. “That was out of this universe!” That was something I didn’t expect…especially not from my aunt.
I smiled.
“Where did you learn to talk like that?”She asked
“From myself.” I said
“I’m proud of you. You told that man what he deserved. Accusing my poor innocent boy” said my mom and she gave me a big kiss.
I went to my room to get changed and keep my bag. The crying was over and my mom and aunt were in the kitchen making me a treat for talking so bravely with that man.
I take out my homework but though my hand writes…my mind wonders what had happened to Ian. (I’m good at multi-tasking.) I finish my homework, eat dinner, and get to bed. School tomorrow.
The next morning I got ready for school and ran to Ian’s room as usual.
“Ian wake up you sleepy head.”I said and then I saw the empty room and the nicely made bed.
Ian wasn’t at home…I felt like I could cry but held it in cause I didn’t want to grieve my mother.
I slowly went downstairs to eat breakfast and get my lunch.
“Emilia…remember…your brother is not safe…don’t tell anyone…there may be reporters anywhere and one word from you can result in a thousand questions from us.” said my mother as I took my lunch and started to walk out of the kitchen.
I nodded. “I understand.” I said
“Emilia don’t tell me you ate another yoghurt…”said my aunt
“What’s wrong with yoghurt?” I asked still walking to the front door
“Emilia, Emilia, Emilia must I always tell you that you should eat non-fat yoghurt.” said my aunt
“Sure…I’ll buy some on the way back.” I said quickly walking out of the house and I could hear my aunt say to my mother. “That girl of yours has a major attitude problem.” And my mom would probably laugh. Well at least that can help her forget Ian.
At school things aren’t easy…maybe it’s my imagination or maybe not. Everyone seems to be staring at me as if I’m an alien from another planet. I walk to my class and sit in my usual place.
I don’t care how many eyes follow me as long as a single cell on my body is unharmed.
And they wouldn’t dare…
In the break…my best-friend whom I didn’t see till the break…came and sat near me.
“So….what’s this I hear about Ian?” Asked Amy my best friend.
“What about Ian?”I asked
“Emilia…you know our fathers work together…they’re partners.”
“Uh huh.” I said
“They’re friends if that means anything to you and friends tell eachother everything…they trust eachother” said Amy and I knew she was very annoyed with me for not telling her about Ian.
“Oh Amy…you do mean a lot to me but I can’t tell you about Ian…”
“Why? Your father told my father and my father told me…why can’t you tell me?”
“It’s not my secret to share…come to our house today in the afternoon and I’ll tell you... okay?”
“Yeah sure…sorry for forcing you...” Said Amy giving me a big hug.
I smile. “You’ll get to know anyway. I know I’ll tell you.”
She smiled.
That day after school… Amy came to my house and my mom told her everything.
“Emilia where’s the non-fat yoghurt?” Asked my aunt
I walk up to her and look at her face. “I don’t need non-fat yoghurt. If you want some then go get some but I don’t mind getting fat!” I said and went to my room.
FOUR DAYS LATER……

“Hey Emilia…”says someone and I look up from my work to see that it’s Falcon.
“Hi Falcon.” I said
“So what you doing?” he asked
“Reading.” I said
“Reading again? Never get tired of books, huh?”
“Yup.”
“Well see ya later...” said Falcon leaving my class.
THAT DAY AFTER SCHOOL….
“Mom can’t anyone know about Ian?” I asked
“No…dear. The only reason Amy knows is cause her father knows and they can help us.”
“Oh okay then. I understand.” I said going to my room.
I thought about all the times Ian and I spent together.
Why did he leave without even telling me?
Then I got a mail from Falcon.
“What you doing?” it asked
“Nothing just thinking.” I replied
“About what?”
“Homework.” I lie and when I send the mail….it just hurts.
Cause Falcon’s a really good friend of mine and he treats me so nicely. How can I lie to him?
“What are you doing, Emilia?” I asked myself “Why are you lying to him?”
“I’m not lying!” I answered back. “I’m keeping a secret!”
My mind and I argued for what seems a decade and I end up in tears.
“Secrets hurt…especially when you have to keep them from people who are really nice and kind to you.” I said to myself
My mind stops arguing and stays silent. It made me cry…it won the debate. I hope it’s happy.
“I can help if you want.” another e-mail….
“Thanks...but I understand.” I said even though I haven’t even touched my Homework yet
The Next Day At School…
“Finished your homework?”Asked Falcon
“Not really.” I said
“Need help?”
“No thanks...I’m fine.” I lied again cause I’m not fine. Not being able to tell him my secret is just killing me.
“Why do we even need to have secrets?” I ask myself
But this time my mind doesn’t answer.
I’ll have to keep this secret till the day everything turns back to normal…..
But…that day is years away….
Secrets hurt…especially when you want to tell it to someone but just can’t…
If you have a secret about something silly you did or about hidden feelings…even if you reveal it... It won’t be the end.
But certain secrets can affect your whole life.
Those secrets can make people see you and maybe others around you or in your family in a different way.
Those secrets……hurt.
I think keeping a secret is one of the hardest things in the world.
If the people didn’t have so much to hide, wouldn’t the world be much lovelier?
I wonder…………………………..
See you…
Ama Saumyadeepa Dias