“Lately I feel as though I do not belong anymore. Although I’m sure that’s just the sober, but dark mind of mine talking. Sober. Yes I am sober. But I sure as hell wish I was anything but sober. Just to distract me from what my head tells me. My head. What a mess that is currently. With thoughts of tomorrow, remembrance of yesterday, and fear of what’s left for this day. My heart. Oh how it aches and longs to share these terrible, yet intriguing feelings of mine. My eyes. How they look and seek in desperation to talk to somebody. Anybody. Nobody. There is nobody. So I lay. I lay right here on this cold still floor of mine. The last. It’s the last time I’ll ever feel as if I do not belong. The last time for me being sober with that crazy head of mine, that aching heart that now rests. My eyes are now dry and shut. Closed. Dark. Now it’s dark again like how my mind once was. Dark. ”

She wrote me this. I hadn’t had the courage to bring myself to read it once more. I’ve spent these years wondering why she had felt like this; considering she hadn’t left enough words describing the reason. But I think I’ve put all the pieces together now. It wasn’t her who was sad, it was everyone around her that was. She just had a pretty dark little mind of her own and saw the world in a different way. And I think over time I began to except that, because over time I started to see the world in a different way as well. The world was just so sad and dark.