She sits still in the dark, not knowing what to do. Her family falling apart and her heart spilling on the floor. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She opens them and the tears well over. Her breath shakes as she tries to be quiet, not wanting to wake the toddler that needs to be ready for school the next day. She draws her knees up to chest and breathes. She whimpers, not knowing what to do. There is a window right next to her, and the door is right there. How does she escape? Lips trembling and her vision blurred, she stands. Breathe.
She opens her window needing air. She tiptoes past the soundly sleeping toddler and heads for the door. After opening the door she turns her head both ways, to her right are two doors. One holds her sleeping brother who, though she’ll never admit it out loud, she knows she’ll miss him dearly. He is the only person she trusts with everything, the only one she’ll go to look for when she can’t take the pain of life anymore. The only reason she stopped the harm she did to herself because her friendship with him was put at risk when he grew knowledgeable of it. The second door holds her parents. She can’t hear them arguing, but knows that when they wake it’ll begin. She can’t sit another day through it, she looks to the left. There is her way out. Somewhere in the darkness is the door, but what’ll happen if she leaves? Will she be missed? Will she be forgotten? Breathe.
She’s a fool to the darkness, she takes a step into the hallway. She walks down and reaches the end. To her right is the stairway that leads to the door, to her left is the couch where her family sits every Sunday morning. She smiles to herself thinking of the happy times her family has had. She frowns again, life isn't like that anymore and she knows it. She turns to the right knowing that this is the only choice. No, she needs to write something, letting them know where she is and if she plans on returning. She rushes back to her room and finds paper and a pen. In her letter she says, “I’m sorry for leaving, but then I'm not. The stress surrounded about being in this house is not what I need to be the person I want to be. I don’t know if I'm coming back and if I am then things need to change. Take this as a warning. Sorry. Sincerely, Your Daughter.” Breathe.
She wipes a tear away from her cheek and takes a deep breath. She turns and goes back to her room to check on the bundle of innocence that lays next to her. She sits next to the child and strokes her hair. She’s crying as silently as possible. Under her hands she feels a slight movement, she takes back her hand as if she’s been shocked. She looks at her palms and sobs. She leans over the thing that makes this seem so wrong. She kisses its head and whispers, “I love you, I’ll be home soon.” She stands again clenching her fists to her sides to convince herself she isn’t shaking. She goes to her next destination. Breathe.
She turns the doorknob to her brothers room. She walks in knowing he won’t wake up because if she knew anyone who can sleep through a war, it would be him. She smiles at the thought of this. She remembers all the adventures they’ve had, from climbing trees together, to just sitting in the fields of there old school, sharing stories of their day. She can hear his soft breathing and the small snore carried after it. She giggles. She walks towards him and strokes his hair. He’s always loved his hair. He always made fun of her because he had better hair than her. She whispers, “I’m sorry, I know you’ll be the one the most upset about this, but I know you’ll forgive me. And we’ll see eachother soon.” She turns around and sucks in a sob and starts to walk out the door. The door of final decision, her bedroom door is right there all she has to do is go back in and tuck herself back in and act as if this never happened. She steps into the darkness and finds her note. She takes it in her hands and looks at it. She looks back and turns around, she goes back to her room. She puts the note into her pillow case. Breathe.
This wasn’t the right choice, this wasn’t an escape, this wasn’t the right thing to do. We all know this, her included. I sit here and think why would one do such a thing? I think the siblings are what made her change her mind so suddenly. There was no excuse for what she was going to do if she would’ve come back. She still has that note in her pillow case and it's burning a hole into her mind, but she doesn't let the temptation take her. She won’t leave her family not matter how bad it is. She needs this. She needs her home. Breathe.