The attack was over in seconds, or at least I thought it was. I find myself chained to a cold, metal chair. I look around and see that I am in some sort of abandoned, haunted looking warehouse. It looks so familiar..the room is dimmed and full of cardboard boxes. As I try to look around to see what else may bring back the memories of this room, I notice that my legs are tied against the legs of the chair and my arms tied together at the back. I heard footsteps coming up from behind me and my heart starts to beat faster as the steps came closer.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked. I felt a warm breath on the back of my neck as a man chuckles and says in an eerie voice, “I think we both know why you are here.”

This voice...oh my gosh...it can’t be. The man finally comes around and meets me face to face. It is him..my ex-husband, Dean.

“I don’t know why! Please...I’m begging you...let me fix this. Don’t hurt me, please.” I sob.

“Shut up!” he yells as he pulls a gun out, “Don’t make me shoot you, you know I will too.” he continues to say. He pulls another chair out in front of me and slowly sits casually as if nothing about this situation is a bit wrong.

“Think,” he whispers, “think hard onto why I’ve brought you here. THINK GODDAMNIT!” he yells as I sob harder. “I can’t...please just tell me...I can fix this…” I whisper out of fear. Then suddenly, I get a flashback.

  I am in my vacation condo in Paris with my three year old son, Joaquin, and my husband Dean. We are all gathered in the family room spending quality family time together, drawing and coloring. Laughter fills the room as we watch Full House as we are coloring.

“Mommy! Look, Mommy!!”says Joaquin, “ Look what I made for you!” I look down and see Joaquin holding up a family picture that he attempted to draw. We were all different colors. I was pink, Dean was red, and baby Joaquin was blue. “That’s so great, honey!” I say as I chuckle, “I am going to hang this up ASAP!” I say with a glowing smile. Then suddenly, I look past Joaquin and see Dean just staring at me looking desperately upset. I tell Joaquin to go to his room and sleep.

“Baby, what's wrong?” I ask Dean gently. 

“They know..” he says sorrowfully.

“They know? Who knows what?” I confusingly.

“They know who I am”

“What do you mean, babe? Just spit it out! You’re scaring me!”

“They know that I am a spy, the Russians know and they are after us..”

“After us? After us!!!! After us, how? We didn’t do anything wrong! Are you serious!” I yell angrily.

“Babe, listen. Relax please. I won’t let anything happen to you. I just need you and the baby to stay low and do as I say. But we need to leave...now.” he says as he tries to come closer to comfort me.

“Don’t touch me! Are you serious right now? They are coming after an innocent child and you are just going to tell me to relax! That my child too for Gods sake! Joaquin and I are not going anywhere with you! Go away!” I scream as he stares at me in shock. That wasn’t the reaction he wanted.

“If you don’t come with me, they will have a higher chance of finding you.” he says trying to convince me,”They don’t want you either..they want Joaquin. And as soon as they get their hands on him, they will torture him until they get you to tell them where I am then. You wouldn’t even know where I would be either.” he pauses for a second, “C’mon, don’t be so selfish.”

“Selfish?! ME!?” I say in shock, “You think I’m selfish? You are the one who put us all in danger, and I’m the selfish one? You sicken me.” I say in disgust and disbelief that this is all actually happening.

Suddenly, the flashback is over. I am still in the room tied back to the cold metal chair in the dimmed, boxed filled room. Dean is just staring at me, his eyes puffy and red as if he’d been crying for several hours. He looked like complete crap, bags under his eyes, scruffy beard as if he hadn’t shaved in several days, dirt on his face looked as if he had been playing in mud. His stare is emotionful, as if he didn’t want to be doing this to me. He looks into my eyes and says desperately, “Where is Joaquin?” 

“Why? Huh? So you can ‘protect us’?” I say angrily. How dare he ask where MY child is?! How dare he think that I would even tell him!?

“Listen, I know where he goes to school at, I know that you drop him off at his babysitters at 4:30 everyday so you can go to work. I know everything.” he paused for a moment and continues to talk as his voice cracks as if he is about to break down in tears in any second, “Yesterday..I stopped by to see him...the door to the apartment was wide open and it was quite, unusually quiet. I walk through the door and on the ground I see the babysitter lying on the ground in front of the tv with a bullet right in the middle of her forehead.” he says as tears start to run down his face. “I run looking around for him and he wasn’t there!” he yells as tears flow down his face. “Look what you did, Jiger! You are the reason he is gone! If you had listened to what I had said then he would be safe and protected!” he yells.

I am in shock..where could my son be? How could I let this happen! I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. This was the worst pain I have ever been in my life. It felt as if there was an elephant on my chest. I felt as if it was hard to breathe, like I was being suffocated. I feel  sudden sense of numbness and confusion. Had Dean been right this whole time? If I stayed with him, would Joaquin be safe? I look down to the dirty hardwood floor in disbelief. Then I look back up into Dean's deep dark hazel eyes and see sincere concern. He was truly worried, he wanted to find Joaquin as bad as I did.

“Dean..” I whisper as my voice break, trying to hold back the tears that I feel are going to flow down my face.

“Please, just tell me where he is..” he says as he touches my face gently.

“I honestly have no idea! Why would i do this to my own son! Are you crazy!” I yell in shock at the thought of Dean actually thinking that I would harm my own son.

“You’re right I’m sorry..where could he possibly be..?”

“Dean untie me right now” I say.

As Dean starts to untie me, I hear something. A voice so soft. A voice that made me feel warm

“Mommy..”

I turn around as fast as I can and see my son Joaquin being held by a man with a scruffy white beard coming in. He looked like around the age of 40.

“Give me the money Dean or or I will blow your precious little kids head right off his shoulders.” the man says with a thick Russian accent.

“Dean, what is he talkin about?” I whisper hoping the man doesn’t hear me. I keep my eyes on him, trying to figure out ways to get my son back.

“Doyle, I don’t owe you s***.” Dean says, “Give me my son back or I swear to God you will never see the light of day ever again!”

Doyle laughs and says “Funny how you are threatening to kill me while I have the fate of your child’s life in my hands.” he pauses , “Anyways, I have killed my own flesh and blood to get what I need, I surely won’t have a problem with killing Joaquin.” he says as he sets Joaquin down and pulls a gun out facing it right to him.

“NO!!!!!” I yell. “Please leave him! You can take me instead! Please don’t hurt my son...please.”

“You have 5 seconds to give me the money or it is over.” Doyle says in a cold voice.

I look down at Joaquin as he stares at me in fear. I just want to hold him tightly and tell him everything will be okay...but I can’t.

“5..” Doyle says as he starts the countdown.

“Dean do something!” I yell as he looks blankly at Doyle.

“4…”

“Dean!!!!!” I yell.

“3...2...1..”

The bullet goes right through Joaquins precious little head as blood splatters everywhere. It was like everything was in slow motion as his body drops lifelessly to the ground. I fall to the floor sobbing as I try to crawl towards Joaquin to pick up his dead body so I can hold him one last time. I shut my eyes tightly as tears run down my face. I felt dizzy, like I had took multiple rides on a rollercoaster.

Suddenly I hear again, “Mommy?” I open my eyes and I realize that it was all just a nightmare.

“Mommy, why were you screaming!” Joaquin says looking extra concerned.

I felt so relieved at the sight of him. I grab onto Joaquin tightly. Thank God it was all just a dream.

“I should've recorded that, it was so funny!” Dean says as he walks into the room in his pjs.

“I hate you Dean” I say as I laugh, “It was just a bad dream guys.”

“Do you know that bad dreams during the day always comes true right? I heard that somewhere!” Dean says sounding almost certain that his hypothesis was true.

“Oh really?” I say sarcastically.

“Yes babe, you better pray that whatever you dreamed about doesn’t come true”

“Yeah, mommy!” Joaquin says.

I look right back at Joaquin and whisper “We all better pray that it doesn’t, I guess we'll find out.”