When I was only five, I spent a summer at my uncle’s militia compound, and he gave me a pop-up book about how the Rothschilds and the Illuminati created the Federal Reserve. Ever since then, I have been fascinated by little-known stories from our past. That’s why I want to major in Alt History in college.

I know that the education provided by an Alt History major will arm me with a strong intellectual foundation for understanding what really happened in the past, as well as what is really going on in the world today—rather than unquestioningly accepting New World Order propaganda at face value like the rest of the blind sheeple out there with their heads stuck in the sand.

I would also most likely choose to concentrate in International Shadow Government Studies, but I might also be interested in designing my own specialized track, such as “The Role of Roswell UFO Technology in Modern Society.” But whether I choose to study the impact of CIA mind-control experiments, or the great alt historical questions like why the Knights Templar and the Bilderberg Freemasons faked the moon landing, or even more philosophical issues such as how many clones of Princess Diana can fit in a black helicopter, I am confident that earning my degree in alt history will teach me the skills I need to formulate arguments that cannot by assailed by so-called “facts” or “logic.”

I wish I could take all of the informative and enlightening courses offered within an Alt History program, but of course I can’t (because of all those “criminals” hiding behind “diversity,” who will inevitably stand in the way). Yet I hope at least to be able to enroll in survey courses like “Introduction to the Globalist Agenda,” special sessions that focus on influential public figures, like “Obama: From Muslim Kenya to the White House,” interdisciplinary Alt Natural History courses like “Science is Fake,” and Senior Seminars such as “Hoaxes: From AIDS to 9/11.”

Equally, I look forward to conducting independent research using primary sources such as Reddit and the comment threads below YouTube videos. I am also excited about the many study-abroad options in settings such as the ruins of Atlantis, and internships at organizations like Stop Chem Trails Now and the White House. Most importantly, studying alt history will help prepare me for a future career in street haranguing or talk radio, which are both excellent options for people like me who are smarter than everybody else.

I am also interested in pursuing a minor in Ancient Geek, since I have always wondered who would win in a fight, Odysseus or the Green Lantern.