I woke up to the sound of Beatles music by my head to the right again just like every morning. I open my eyes to pure blackness, or at least what I understand is blackness and I start to fumble around feeling for the source of the noise. I get my hand pretty close to where I think it must be coming from and slam down hard on the nightstand missing the box completely. For a few minutes I groggily feel around knocking over all sorts of things from what I can hear, eventually, my hands find a box and a button on top of it and written in braille on top is the word off. I push down on it and the music finally stops and I relax my arm and just let myself sink back into bed like I’m in a pool. Ten or so minutes later I start to hear footsteps and hear my door open.
“Kanan it’s time to wake up!” I hear her happily muse as she opens the curtains I think due to where I can hear her from and the warm sensation I feel on my exposed skin from the sun. I feel her gentle soft hands grip me to help pull me up. I sit up now waiting potentially for my mother to hand me clothing. Her cheerful voice rings out again saying
“What do you wanna wear today sweetie?”.
“I don’t know t-shirt and jeans? The usual?”
“Any preference on t-shirt sweetie?”
“Mom they all look the same to me I don’t care.” Sometimes it felt like my own mother didn’t know her own son was blind. I guess I can’t be upset with her trying to be nice but sometimes it could get frustrating. I hear her sigh while digging through my closet. She then walks back over putting a mess of clothes on my lap.
“Let me know if you start having trouble sweetie.” I fumble around for a second getting my shirt off and other clothing. I feel around finally making contact with a smooth silky feeling article of clothing. I feel around it finding four big holes, one on the bottom and 3 up top. Must be my t-shirt so I feel around inside it for the tag then slipping it on. A few minutes later of fumbling around and I have the rest of my clothing on. I feel my mother set a pair of glasses onto my face. I always wondered why I have to wear them since I couldn’t see a thing but mom said it would help me be socially accepted more but every time I tried to inquire she would just avoid saying more or would make up some excuse that she had to go take care of something. She handed me my cane and then set off to a different part of the house to most likely begin making breakfast or maybe some house chores.

I begin sweeping the area in front of me with the cane hitting a few small objects I presume that I must’ve knocked over earlier when I was trying to turn my alarm off. Based on how much time passed I think it must be about nine o'clock since my alarm was always set for eight thirty. I slowly made my way over to the living room passing on over our soft shaggy feeling carpet. It felt nice and all but sometimes my cane got caught in it which was annoying but I got over it. I eventually ended up on the couch feeling around for the book I left there last night eventually my hands come across a hardcover book that I must’ve presumed was mine but when I slide my hand over the cover to feel the familiar touch of braille, it was completely smooth… Must’ve been one of my mother's books so I set it back down calling out.
“Hey, mom! Have you seen my book on colors and that laser eye stuff?”
I heard her walk back over setting something down in front of me, I felt the heat rise up from it so it must be breakfast. Her soft hand again comes down holding mine guiding it to a spoon.
“Careful now sweetie it’s still hot, as for your books I threw them out.”My jaw drops and I drop the spoon it splashing in whatever hot meal my mother had prepared.
“WHY?! Why would you throw them out?!” I felt an anger inside me bubbling, those books taught me a lot about how it might be to see the world and gave me hope one day that I may try this laser eye surgery stuff and be able to see.
“Kanan Torr Jace don’t get that tone with me.” She crossed her arms. “It was unhealthy to be obsessing yourself with those books. Sweetie, I know you want to know what it’s like to be able to see but it’s not a reality for you. You need to learn to accept yourself the way you are.”. I could feel her hand try and guide mine back to the spoon but I shooed it away. She then slapped me on the back of the head hard.
“Don’t you dare shoo my hand away, now eat your breakfast and get ready for school. We are having a serious talk about your newfound attitude when you get back home.”.

I felt a few tears come down my face as I rubbed the back of my head and heard my mother stomp off somewhere else in the house. Sometimes I didn’t know what to think. She had some valid points especially when it came to my reliance on others for help but I hated that she wanted me to give up on never being able to see. It ate away at what little hope I had for the future, I dreamed about the day when I could live on my own and stare up at the blue skies, see and feel the green grass, and look at the crazy colors those fizzy bubbly sodas must be.

I eventually down the rest of my breakfast which turned out to be apple cinnamon oatmeal. After finishing I eventually heard my mom come back quietly and would sort of jerkily pull me up and would usher me to the car. I hated riding in the thing, it was boring as hell. It’s not like I could get to look out the window and see the sights, no I was just stuck stationary in an uncomfortable hot seat in a nauseating ride for about ten minutes until we eventually made it to the school and to my relief I felt the nice cool spring air once my mom opened up the car and helped me outside. Now I could hear the sounds of busy children making their way into the school and the busy traffic of parents and workers trying to get where they need to go. My mom gave me a quick hug and a kiss on my cheek then departed. I stood around waiting for my guide to class but after what felt like about 5 minutes it seemed like they weren’t coming for me. I started panicking a bit on the inside as I didn’t think I remembered the route to first block yet and the noises of kids started to die down as people eventually made their way to class. Suddenly I felt a tight clasp on the back of my shoulder and the snobbish low voice of one of the school prefects,
“And just what do you think you are doing out here young man? You should be in the first block by now.”. I turned towards where I heard the voice coming from, I heard a sharp intake of breath come from the man, he must’ve noticed the cane I carried with me or something and got the hint that I can’t exactly see.
“Ooh shit…” I heard him mudder. His voice now suddenly lighting up and sounding much more friendly as well as his grip completing letting up. I moved my spare hand up to my shoulder rubbing at the soreness from his grip. I heard him stammer a few words before he eventually got a sentence out “Hey I’m so sorry about sounding so mean and holding your shoulder so tightly. I wasn’t aware that you w-w-were blind… Aren’t you supposed to have a student from your classes help you around?”
“Uh yeah… I think they must be absent today, I was really starting to worry for a moment I’m a bit clueless when it comes to directions to places.”. I felt him lightly pat me on the back then resting a hand gently on my shoulder
“Well hey I’ll show you to your classes today then, my name’s Tristin by the way. I don’t believe we’ve met before.” I shook my head.
“Well it’s nice to meet you I guess, my names Kanan Jace. So yeah I’m supposed to be in room 1955 for my first block class. Theoretical physics with Doctor Brown.” He sounded surprised
“Well damn, Kanan you must be one hell of a genius to understand that crap.” I just chuckled
“Oh I don’t get a word of it at all, I just like to hear him talk about all these crazy theories that come with the subject. Impossible seeming stuff like time travel and all that.”.

    Over the next few weeks Tristin became my new guide and friend taking me to my classes every day, sitting and chatting with me at lunch, and hell he even managed to sneak me copies of the books my mom threw out just today. The hardest part now was going to be figuring out where to hide them when I’d get home now. Tristin told me he set them in the back part of my book bag and put book covers on them to hopefully hide what they were. I gave them a quick feel before zipping my bag shut. They felt smooth yet uncomfortable somehow, I guess they didn’t want students using them as pillows or something maybe. I felt another pat on my shoulder followed by Tristin speaking
“Hey I know you can’t see or anything but I got you daredevil book covers!” He sounded so oddly excited about what to me sounded like something mundane, I never really had interest in stunt drivers since it’s something you really needed to see to appreciate. Apparently, these thoughts were visible on my face but I don’t know he got anything from a slight frown.
“Dude come on, Daredevil? The blind superhero!”
“Blind superhero? That doesn’t make much sense, how would he even function without any help? How would he know to do anything without help?” I was thoroughly confused on how a blind superhero would function. It’s such a curse to be blind as is… I felt his fall gently on my shoulder.
“Look, Kanan, you gotta shake that mindset from your head. Just because someone’s blind doesn’t mean they are helpless. I mean Daredevil does have super hearing and smelling but he is completely on par with all the other superhumans. You don’t have to let blindness define who you are Kanan, trust me when I say that you are a strong person. You seriously don’t need to rely on me or honestly anyone else if you really put your mind to it.” I just shook my head in response.
“I don’t know Tristin… I only vaguely remember the turns we make to go places.”
“Look I have an idea. The school days almost up so how about this you walk from here down to the front of the school’s parking lot. I follow behind you but I’ll be silent. No hand holding, no directions, no nothing. What do you say?” I just sat there deep in thought for a moment. There’s no way that could work, I’ll just make a wrong turn and stumble around forever until he is forced to help me back the right way. More and more doubt filled my mind until I was brought back to reality with a swift pat on the back and Tristin trying one more time to encourage me.
“Kanan please, I believe in you. You can do it.” I nod pulling myself back up feeling around my desk for a moment until my hand comes across my study old backpack slipping the straps onto my back. I felt blindly around then for a moment looking for my cane. I grabbed something smooth and metallic first, maybe the chair? I move on feeling all around me until I finally make contact with the familiar smooth plastic cane I came to be so familiar with.

    I started to walk then feeling forward with my hand and cane avoiding chairs, tables, other book bags I think, and students. I finally make it to the door pulling it open taking a deep breath and stepping out into the seemingly silent halls of the school. My mind raced for a few moments trying to think of which way I had come from, I eventually decide on left. I think it’s where I came from at least. Not too long after my cane hits a wall, I think I’m at the next crossroads now. I listen closely hearing the faint sounds of classes going on to the left and from the right…. I think I can hear the sounds of cars driving by. I head right then making it over to another wall now but I think there must be a window or something at this one. I feel the familiar warmth that I’ve come to expect from the sun. I stand there for a moment taking it in then deciding to continue on down this hall. After a while my cane clinks on something hard and metal I assume due to the sound it made. I fell forward with my hands and make contact with a cold and hard handle on the schools front door! I actually did it! I smile as I pull it and feel the warm fresh air from the outside blow in and touch my skin. I hear my moms familiar voice from outside calling me over.
“Kanan! Kanan! Over here, sweetie!” I make my way over towards her voice smiling from ear to ear practically! Her soft voice speaking out to me again
“My my, someone looks happy today! What happened?”
“I made it here all on my own today! I didn’t even need Tristin’s help this time! It was me! All on my own!”
“Tristin? Who’s that? And what do you mean? You’ve been coming all alone to me from school for the past few weeks now.” I tilted my head sounding rightly confused
“What? He was the guy who brought me to and fro around the school! He brought me to your car just yesterday! He should be right behind me. Right, Tristin?” I turn my body around expecting to hear him agree with me but I’m met with only silence. My mother speaking out to me again
“There’s no one there sweetie… No one has been you’ve just been making your way into and out of school alone from what I could tell.”
“That makes no sense he even gave me the-” I pull my book bag off opening it up feeling around in it for the books he gave me but there’s nothing there now where I felt the books before.
“Who gave you what sweetie?”
“N-nevermind… Let's just get going.” Was this really true? Who could I have been speaking to then? What of the books? Was this really all me? I… I guess I’m not as dependent as I thought, but maybe I need to have my head looked at then. I got myself back into my mother's car with barely any help from her and we started the ride home with the sound of Beatles music by my head to the right again.