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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

TristeLuvz2Write SILVER said...
on Nov. 18 2010 at 6:19 am
TristeLuvz2Write SILVER, Groton, New York
7 articles 3 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life&#039;s Not about waiting for the storm to pass. It&#039;s about learning to dance in the rain.<br /> &quot;Maybe I should call Bella and hang up!&quot; --Quil Ateara, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

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lol i think this is the best thing ive read in along time. :) i would really love it if anyone looked at my work and critiquted it :) but this was amazing
Silvertext BRONZE said...
on Nov. 17 2010 at 9:48 pm
Silvertext BRONZE, West Lafayette, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Imagination has rules, but we can only guess what they are.&quot; ~Mason Cooley

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lol! it's about time somebody did this! Great!

~Silvertext

Sushi3195 GOLD said...
on Nov. 17 2010 at 7:12 pm
Sushi3195 GOLD, Solon, Ohio
13 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;We are who we are. She is she. He is he. you are you. I am I. But when he and she come together or you and i come together... we are no longer taking on the world by ourselves... but with each other.&quot;- Kyle King<br /> <br /> &quot;think of the trees around us, some

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that was awesome :)
jaani-androphile BRONZE said...
on Nov. 16 2010 at 5:27 pm
jaani-androphile BRONZE, San Diego, California
3 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
oompa loompa doopity doo jeffrey&#039;s stirring up some chocolate for you- macabre

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Hahaha thank you for showing all of us how dumb Twilight is :) I can predict the whole book just by reading the blurb. I love this xD
XiaGaiana BRONZE said...
on Nov. 16 2010 at 12:59 pm
XiaGaiana BRONZE, New Orleans, Louisiana
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Anything is possible if you believe...<br /> He who fails to plan, plans to fail.<br /> All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

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Nice one!!!! I love the saga and this is friggin GOLDEN! My EGGO is PREGGO...soungs like Juno got thrown in the mix too :)
MeanPeopleDead SILVER said...
on Nov. 16 2010 at 9:51 am
MeanPeopleDead SILVER, Rouseville, Pennsylvania
7 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;i yam what i yam and that&#039;s all that i yam&quot; -popeye, the sailor man<br /> &quot;it&#039;s better to burn out then to fade away&quot; -kurt cobain

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AHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAHAAAAAA.
Araya3895 said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 10:37 pm
Must. Make. MOOOOOOOOOVIIIIIE!!!!!! That made me happy. Well done :)
HarryPotter said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 9:16 pm
That was perfect! It really does sum up everything and show you the stupidity of Twilight. Thank you!
theonewhosalwaysthere said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 7:03 pm
theonewhosalwaysthere, Sterling, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. <br /> Anatole France

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Graet Job!!!!! LOLZ so funny... you really did sum it up though!
fairbrat BRONZE said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 6:43 pm
fairbrat BRONZE, Sacramento, California
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Better to ask forgivness than permission

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that is very funny! great job!
TasteDaSkittles BRONZE said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:03 pm
TasteDaSkittles BRONZE, Bayfield, Colorado
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;dream on&quot;

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lol very funny great job
WinterFairy PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 4:33 pm
WinterFairy PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
45 articles 15 photos 111 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t dream it. Be it.&quot;<br /> &quot;Singing is praying twice, and dancing is singing with the body.&quot;<br /> &quot;Paper is more patient than man.&quot;<br /> &quot;Where you live shouldn&#039;t determine whether you live&quot;

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rotflmfao!!!!! lol!!!!!! so hilarious! keep it up :)
alwayssunshine PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 2:11 pm
alwayssunshine PLATINUM, Charlotte, North Carolina
24 articles 5 photos 147 comments
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This is so funny! I was picturing the whole thing happening and trying not to burst out laughing!!
Berta BRONZE said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 1:55 pm
Berta BRONZE, Somewhere, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;In riding a horse, we borrow freedom.&quot;<br /> Helen Thompson

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So funny!  I love it!  Keep writing.
hancampbell GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 1:46 pm
hancampbell GOLD, Woodside, California
19 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You may say I&#039;m a dreamer, but I&#039;m not the only one. I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one.&quot; &lt;3<br /> <br /> &quot;Not all who wander are lost&quot;

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favorite part:

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause].

 

hahahha. nice job!

elisabethphoenix GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 1:28 pm
elisabethphoenix GOLD, Louisville, Kentucky
18 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
proverbs 31:30 :D

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You. Are. My. Hero.

thank you :)

Mert said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 11:02 am
That was so cool girl keep up the great work girl.Girl power
ExtrovertedIntrovert said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 9:03 am
ExtrovertedIntrovert, Grantsburg, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know&quot; -Hemmingway,<br /> &quot;To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist. That is all.&quot; -Oscar Wilde,<br /> &quot;It was just that; a character, a person I aspired to be.&quot; -Anonymous

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AFDKFJNADLGJAVFADG what is air~

So brilliant, mate. You should write professional reviews for The New York Times. 

cupcakegirl10 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 3:56 am
cupcakegirl10 BRONZE, Gurgaon, Other
1 article 0 photos 25 comments
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hahahahahahahahahaha!!

loveeee ittt :D

Vixen said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 3:17 am
Vixen, Male&#39, Other
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whatever!! xp

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haha. love this. so funny..