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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

thebeatles1423 said...
on May. 1 2010 at 9:19 pm
thebeatles1423, Canutillo, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?&quot; - TUCO from THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY

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this is like the funniest thing i have ever read. im having a hard time controlling my stomach from not exploding.although im not sure why people have to include rude comments like "not the best thing ive read". :[ Well anyway, my sister and i loved it so mouch we printed it out and showed it to our whole family.;]It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dule05 BRONZE said...
on May. 1 2010 at 5:26 am
dule05 BRONZE, Kraljevo, Other
1 article 1 photo 102 comments
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This is good, funny but certainly not the best thing I've read on Teen Ink as someone stated. Parodies are quite easy to be made out of anything that achieved success, hence I don't appreciate them very much and they can only make us laugh for it is their primary purpose. Anyways, you did a great job.
This_rose_has_thorns said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 9:22 pm
This_rose_has_thorns, Rochester Hills, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
uhhhh... I have three. So, Here they are:<br /> &quot;lead follow or get out of the way.&quot; -General S. Patton<br /> Life has no romance without risk. -Sarah Doherty<br /> &quot;Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything learned in school.&quot; -Albert Einstein

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This has to be the best... thing i've ever read!!! EVER! I wanna make a video of this!
HeyAmanda SILVER said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 9:19 pm
HeyAmanda SILVER, Rancho Cucamonga, California
8 articles 0 photos 47 comments
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ha ha loved it
seapenguin said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 7:50 pm
seapenguin, Healdsburg, California
0 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m a super hero, but with no powers or motivation.

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THIS. IS. PERFECT.
chartothalatte GOLD said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 3:22 pm
chartothalatte GOLD, Cleveland Heights, Ohio
10 articles 1 photo 62 comments
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this just about makes. my. life.
juliannaa said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 11:35 am
juliannaa, Saugus, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
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Wicked funny! I really liked it :D!
.A.Silence.in.Winter. BRONZE said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 11:12 am
.A.Silence.in.Winter. BRONZE, Truckee, California
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Those who plants in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.&quot; - Psalms 126:5

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That was epic.
annlovesbooks said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 10:29 am
annlovesbooks, Walsingham, Other
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
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Hey me and my friends just read this and we were like laughing on the floor it's hallarious!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it I mean WE love it.
forgottenpenname GOLD said...
on Apr. 29 2010 at 2:56 pm
forgottenpenname GOLD, Troy, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 147 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Carpe diem.&quot;

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We should totally do this via webcam. :P
Prosaic-Scriptor BRONZE said...
on Apr. 29 2010 at 12:27 am
Prosaic-Scriptor BRONZE, Davis, California
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments
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Beautiful, beautiful.
Cuore GOLD said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 9:53 pm
Cuore GOLD, Saint Augustine, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be the change you wish to see- Ghandi<br /> <br /> Everything in this room is eatable, even I&#039;m eatable, but that my dears is called cannibalism and is highly frowned upon in most societies.- Willy Wonka<br /> <br /> Bright lights often blind those who can&#039;t see. ~

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roflmao!!! This is SO funny!!! I've gotta make a video of this :D
torilynn400 GOLD said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 6:45 pm
torilynn400 GOLD, Poughkeepsie, New York
10 articles 1 photo 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.&quot;<br /> -President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

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I lvoe Twilight, but there are tears in my eyes right now. AMAZING!!!!!!!!! haha!
Emmaline said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 11:03 am
Ha ha, so funny! And so true the books are basically that. I read them all and I hate them! Twillight sucks!
Everhart said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 7:10 am
Everhart, Boston, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I am a fat girl, trapped in a normal girl&#039;s body.&quot;

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LOL! I am dying right now! I want to film this!
NeverFallTooHard PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 27 2010 at 9:51 pm
NeverFallTooHard PLATINUM, Hartford, Wisconsin
24 articles 5 photos 98 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reason is powerless in the expression of Love.~ Rumi<br /> Realisim, in painting, is what one wants to see, not what they really see. ~ Janet Fish

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Twilight was like my fav thing! And still is! But all these maniacs are bringing the fun out of it!
gollyitshannah PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 27 2010 at 7:47 pm
gollyitshannah PLATINUM, Woodbridge, Connecticut
25 articles 6 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;So you want a heart? You don&#039;t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable&quot;

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Hahahahaha I laughed so hard at this, thank you! This was hilaroius!!!!
Pointe2Twilight PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 27 2010 at 9:39 am
Pointe2Twilight PLATINUM, Woodbridge, Virginia
23 articles 11 photos 3 comments
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This is great, even to a Twilight fan like me lol. If I can find some people to do it, I might attempt to make this into a video.

Amazing!

Katherine93 GOLD said...
on Apr. 27 2010 at 9:11 am
Katherine93 GOLD, Liverpool, Other
15 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;the only person you are destined to become is the person that you choose to be&quot; - unknown

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I love twilight.....

but this is AMAZING cant stop laughing.

Well Done! :) :) :)

Lucrio BRONZE said...
on Apr. 25 2010 at 10:30 pm
Lucrio BRONZE, San Diego, California
4 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it.&quot;

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You're funny...