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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
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LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

Hay.467 SILVER said...
on Dec. 30 2009 at 5:47 pm
Hay.467 SILVER, Hide-a-way, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;a man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar&quot; mark twain

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That's so totally hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing!
LoveLikeWoe DIAMOND said...
on Dec. 30 2009 at 12:00 pm
LoveLikeWoe DIAMOND, LeSueur, MN, Minnesota
54 articles 2 photos 748 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whoever laughs first has the sickest mind.

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hahaha!! i love twilight but this was really funny!! :D great job!! :D
roczyyy said...
on Dec. 28 2009 at 4:07 pm
I read tha book twilight saga now mon and it's totally different by movie.I think you shoud to read tha book necessarily.Good luck!
IsobelFree DIAMOND said...
on Dec. 28 2009 at 8:24 am
IsobelFree DIAMOND, Hamilton, Other
71 articles 20 photos 296 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;As long as there is open road, the familiar has the most formidable competitor.&quot; - Anonymous

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lmao I'm laughing so hard right now. I liked the books, but I am NOT a Twilighter and I do do my fair share of fun-poking at Twilight....this was hilarious. Five stars as well! :D
Moonlight BRONZE said...
on Dec. 27 2009 at 11:56 am
Moonlight BRONZE, Heiskell, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The boundaries which divide life from death<br /> are at best shadowy and vague.<br /> Who shall say where one ends,<br /> and the other begins?&quot;<br /> Edgar Allan Poe

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Lol! I'm not a Twi-hard, but I did sorta enjoy the books. Bella is so whiny, it's annoying. You really captured her in this little paraody. 5 stars!
literaryaddict PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 26 2009 at 6:30 pm
literaryaddict PLATINUM, Albuquerque, New Mexico
23 articles 3 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;We&#039;re almost there and no where near it. All that matters is that we&#039;re going.&quot; Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls<br /> &quot;The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound.&quot; Lady Bracknell, The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde

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wow this was hilarious!!! i loved it!!
Writer24 SILVER said...
on Dec. 26 2009 at 2:12 pm
Writer24 SILVER, Acton, Massachusetts
5 articles 0 photos 41 comments
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This is a good 5 minute screen adaption. You should make it into a movie and post a link here!
NorthernWriter said...
on Dec. 23 2009 at 11:19 pm
NorthernWriter, Fargo, North Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 326 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Only dead fish swim with the stream&quot;

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TOTALLY. MAKE IT INTO A MOVIE FOR YOUTUBE! have you seen the shortened romeo and juliet play?? you should! you would love it!
DaliaB. said...
on Dec. 23 2009 at 4:55 pm
DaliaB., Rochester Hills, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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Ha!

This was epic!

If this was made into a movie on Youtube I bet it would get 1,000,000+ views.
truelove4ever222 SILVER said...
on Dec. 22 2009 at 8:59 pm
truelove4ever222 SILVER, Crosby, Texas
8 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daughters of jerusalem, I charge you by the does and gazelles of the field; Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. -Song of Songs 2:7

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Epically amazing. I was doubtful at first but that brightened my day. Good work, buddy! :P
Amour3 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 22 2009 at 7:02 pm
Amour3 BRONZE, Cypress, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Never give up.&quot;

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Awesome!!!! It's hilarious and i loved it. Great job. ^^
Praefiscine SILVER said...
on Dec. 22 2009 at 4:36 pm
Praefiscine SILVER, Snohomish, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;A grownup is a child with layers on.&rdquo;<br /> -Woody Harrelson

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Argh, my darned mouse accidentally clicked the fourth star instead of the fifth! This is quite hilarious, and it truly does wrap Twilight's plot up into a few lines. Bravo. ;D
Erperderp said...
on Dec. 22 2009 at 9:24 am
Erperderp, Bangor, Maine
0 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
EAT THE STUPID COOKIE!!!!

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I JUST WANT TO KEEP READING OVER AND OVER
pandaLICIOUS SILVER said...
on Dec. 21 2009 at 10:54 pm
pandaLICIOUS SILVER, Portland, Oregon
8 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.&rdquo; -Audrey Hepburn

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LOVE THIS!
me,iwritetwistedromances SILVER said...
on Dec. 21 2009 at 3:13 pm
me,iwritetwistedromances SILVER, Louisville, Kentucky
7 articles 0 photos 7 comments
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"Yes, but that was anti-climactic."

love it. XD
millz SILVER said...
on Dec. 19 2009 at 9:21 pm
millz SILVER, Memphis, Tennessee
8 articles 0 photos 19 comments
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hahahahahahahahahah!!!! Best Twilight parody EVER!
JHale_44 GOLD said...
on Dec. 19 2009 at 5:04 pm
JHale_44 GOLD, Roseville, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is a mystery, and a lot of mysteries dont get sloved.&quot;<br /> <br /> - Ivory Tears

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Haha so funny becasue so true!
SpiceyRedPepper GOLD said...
on Dec. 19 2009 at 3:57 pm
SpiceyRedPepper GOLD, League City, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
Im not clumsy im just allergic to gravity!!!!

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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HILARIOUS! I LUVED IT!
Akio-san said...
on Dec. 19 2009 at 2:38 pm
LOVEED IT!! It made me LOLZ great i wanna see thi svertion of twillite now
Arluanna PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 18 2009 at 9:51 pm
Arluanna PLATINUM, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
31 articles 2 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;Mwahahahahaha! Now you are mine, Lesley-Bird, finally, at last, in my... oh, drat, forgot it had wings...&rdquo;<br /> <br /> -Phil, the youngest Kalins Uzin

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Oh my gosh, this is perfect! I was literally laughing out loud!