“Welcome, everyone, to our first annual writing convention for assorted beings, creatures, and or things, sentient or non-sentient,” a tall shape of unknown classification said blandly over the loud speaker system, as every good announcer should. It was a bustling event packed to the brim with zombies, dragons, gnomes, unicorns, trolls, and every other type of weird, interesting, or elusive monsters. The shining event, the one panel everything wants to go to, the crown jewel of this outlandish convention, was the English Literature panel, full of all sorts of stories written by humans, for humans.
“Ladies, gentlemen, genderless, and others… are you prepared to experience the most anticipated event of the weekend? Well get ready for the English Literature Panel! We have some of the most dearly loved authors of the supernatural world! Something, a great beast of a something (or other), Dyanna, the dryad of your dreams, and our thick headed, but still loveable troll: Stump! Lastly we have a mystery guest that even we don’t know about! Please clap for them or be thrown out of the convention…” the announcer managed to sound a little more excited now than before.
The creatures burst into applause. The security looked a little saddened by the lack of refusal.

The great Something roared over the crowd “Hello everyone! It is both an honor and a privilege today that we all get to sit here and talk with you, our faithful fan base. Before we start, we need to tell you about our sponsor: Human Recordation: The fine makers of a very strange product that takes a recording in almost any language, Swamp-beast, Swarm, Classic Monster, and now the popular “Bear” language, and turn it into their interpretations of English! Genius, I know. Apparently it also works non-human to human. We are using it today, and for any human that manages to get in here, our message to them is simple: if we find you, we will come and eat you. That is all that waits for you, puny human. Now, don’t worry about it, other humanoids, our Cyclopes, gnomes, zombies, fish-people. We will not eat you! Right?”
A muzzled Assurance was released by the crowd. The Assurance went and eats a zombie before it can be subdued.
“Well I can’t say I’ve ever seen that before,” Something muttered to the other authors. “Something for you all to know: we can not be held responsible for any damage, loss of life, or any other conditions you suffer here. But let’s move on…”

“There may be sum flaws witt our program, it is only an interpretation. It hasta switch frum English back two manstah a few thymes. Der maybe a few glitches, its made by goblins. You all know dow reliable goblin stuff is…” Laughter bubbled up from the group, because everyone knows goblins are cheap, shoddy, and almost a complete waste of time. There are certainly some comments about various ancestries made by goblins. A few get so mad, they turn red, steam comes out of their ears, and… pop! One goblin goes off, setting off a chain reaction of exploding goblins. The crowd got covered in bacon scented goblin and started a mighty feast.
“Now, on to something that is actually on English, to an extent. Humans are very odd creatures, if our sources are to be trusted. We have never captured a live human. Maybe it’s because they don’t live on Htrae. Maybe they live on another plane of existence. Maybe they only live in France. We just don’t know. One legend says that we are myths to them, could you believe that, every possible creature out there being a myth. I think I can speak for anyone here; we are perfectly real, unlike humans. We have always been here. We will always be here. I would like to see a human challenge that. Now on to English literature…”