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Tragedy of War

June 3, 2014
By WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
More by this author
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

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A tear trickles down. She doesn't bother to wipe it away. She is powerless. Powerless to stop the flow. The flow of life, the flow of death. The constant never-ending pain. She sinks to the ground, oblivious to the screams of torture around her, the cries of war. She places her face in her hands, and I watch. Everything around me fades into slow motion as I see her try to bear her sorrow. I can not stand it. I run to her. She stares down, down to where they lay. Bloody, lifeless, brave. They don’t stop, they keep coming. One was hers, one courageous soul who fought for freedom. For the right to life. More men fall. I look up, my tear streaked face noticing the fear and determination on men all around me. One boy, barely sixteen, trembles as he holds the musket, aiming it at the enemy. He shoots, then drops it, horror written on his face. He runs over to the man he just shot, cradling the man's head in his arms, sobbing papa. I cannot bear the sight. The sight of family being turned on each other over this. Blue and gray mingle, on the battlefield, on the ground, everywhere.

© Lauren B., Highland Village, TX

The author's comments:

If you can, I highly advise listening to "CORA" from The Last of the Mohicans soundtrack (you can find it on YouTube) while you read this. I wrote this while I was listening to it.

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This article has 10 comments.

WritinGirl PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 29 2015 at 7:40 pm
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

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Thank you so much. I will definitely take a look at your work!
alaina_h BRONZE said...
on Jun. 23 2015 at 4:58 pm
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

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This is the best article I've seen on here.it captures the horrors of war in a hauntingly beAutiful, tragic way. I think that in war, it's easy for people to get lost in the masses....this needed to be written. I would so appreciate you reading one of my articles! I'll take any feedback I can get...:)
WritinGirl PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 24 2014 at 12:01 am
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

View profile
Thank you so much! I totally get what you're saying about the short sentences, and actually I changed a sentence after I submitted, unfortunately. So it's now, "He runs over to the man he just shot, cradling the man's head in his arms, sobbing papa." Also, I'm searching for those tense mistakes...where are they exactly? The one spot when I say, "One was hers" and stuff, I mean was, cause he died. Thank you, though, so much! :)
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2014 at 1:59 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don&#039;t believe in magic will never find it.&quot; <br /> Roald Dahl

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Wow this was beautiful. You really made me feel like the world was in slow motion in the beginning. I loved your word choice, it made it all the more emotional. There was a few issues with tense. Where you were in past tense and then in present tense. It's alright, I do it all the time too, but it helps to read it out loud to catch some of that stuff. Aand I loved you're sentence structure, but I could do with a little more variety. Like your short stacatto sentences are great; they make it sound all the more emotional, but a long sentence here and there would be great. All in all, beautiful piece; I really felt the emotion in here. Great job! Keep it up!! :D
WOWriting SILVER said...
on Jul. 1 2014 at 12:48 pm
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
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Glad I could help :)
WritinGirl PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 30 2014 at 12:34 pm
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.&rdquo; ~Maya Angelou

View profile
thank you!! I am glad to see you were moved--that's my goal when I write these sorts of things...I cried too when I wrote it...thank you for all of your comments, and don't worry, as long as i'm breathing i'm going to be writing!! XD 
Olivia-Atlet ELITE said...
on Jun. 30 2014 at 12:12 pm
Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
325 articles 10 photos 1165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,<br /> More real than solid earth;<br /> And to these death does not mean decay,<br /> But only another birth" <br /> - Isabella Banks

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Oh my god....I can't stop crying!!! This was an amazing piece of fiction!!! Your diction is wonderful and the ending where son and father fight...I have no words. This was simply fantastic and the title was entirely fitting. Please keep writing!! XD
WritinGirl PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 30 2014 at 11:25 am
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.&rdquo; ~Maya Angelou

View profile
yeah, i can see what you mean. This wasn't something I worked on, it was a spur of the moment...article or whatever you call it; I was listening to a song and I wanted to write something sadder, hence this story. So yes, I'm sure it could use some improvement! But thank you :)
WOWriting SILVER said...
on Jun. 30 2014 at 11:16 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
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Nice description, if a little confusing and muffled in places :)
WritinGirl PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 29 2014 at 9:26 pm
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.&rdquo; ~Maya Angelou

View profile
okay guys, i'm getting a lot of people reading this, so i was wondering what y'all thought...