We’ve all heard of the story of Abe Lincoln's assassination, but people tend to leave out the most important part. Who really killed him. You see, it wasn’t John Wilkes Booth that killed him, he was actually framed. I was the one who killed him. It’s great to finally say that. Me!!!
No one really knows who I am, so I’ll tell you. My name is Pluelmykh, but everyone calls me Nut. I came to your planet long ago with my henchmen. They follow me around everywhere and do my bidding. Our hiding spot is a secret and no one knew where or even who we are, at least until Abe Lincoln came around.
You see, the only way I have lived as long as I have, is because I feed off of war and contention. As you know Earth has an abundance of that. I was at the height of my power during the Civil War, when Abe managed to end it and get peace. It makes me disgusted.
I had the greatest plan of all time. The plan was that I would kill Abe Lincoln (obviously). It would end up accusing enough distress in the North and we would go back to war. I could feel the power coursing through my veins. Back then I was gullible and trusted my henchmen to be smart enough to carry it out.
Okay since you already know the backstory, I might as well tell you we landed in Egypt and hid our spaceship in the Pyramid of Giza. This was my last mistake. (Okay maybe not my last, but close.) The pyramid of Giza is close to the Nile River, and my henchmen didn’t do any research on the target, they didn’t realize what they had done.
Abe Lincoln was standing on the beach while I was in my lair. A few minutes later as the waves were rolling in, he heard these tiny whisperings. They were saying things about how someone was planning on killing him. So you see how incompetent my henchmen really are. They missed the fact that Abe Lincoln was a DemiGod. I don’t know how anyone could miss that fact, but they did (I know, they are really stupid).
Anyway right away, Abe knew what he had to do. He jumped in the water and started free styling across the Atlantic Ocean. Somewhere along there was a fin that came up under his hands and started carrying him faster. He looked down into the faces of two dolphins that were taking him straight to Egypt.
All this time, I was waiting for my henchmen to carry out my plans. This might come as a shock to you, but my technology is way better than any you can find on Earth. As soon as Abe stepped on the sand I knew who was here and exactly where. I turned to glare at my henchmen for being complete and total idiots, but they were nowhere in sight. I looked for them urgently before Abe reached my location. As Abe got closer to me, I started to realize that I can do this. I see his top hat (that managed to stay on while going across the Atlantic) as he walks over to me, I get ready to attack….
I remember that my henchmen ruined my plans so I had to do this alone. I stand up and walk towards Abe. As always, I was confident in my ability to finish him off. I decided to fight him by hand. He lunges at me, and I dive under his arm. Before he even has the chance to turn around I stand up and kick him into the sand. He gets up and I swing my arm around. I hit him in the face, and he falls to the ground again.
Abe didn’t stay down for long. It was bad enough that he had found out about my plans, but now he won’t stay down? I knew there was only one way to defeat Abe. I had to make this an unfair fight.
I opened up my hand and it produced a gun. Abe stood up and started running for me, before it registered what I had in my hand. Now this wasn’t a human gun, mind you, it looked like a 9mm, but as soon as this even grazes you, your organs will start failing. Soon none of your system will be working.
I looked Abe in the eye and shot him straight in the heart. He immediately fell to the ground and was dead. I ordered my henchmen to take him back to the U.S.
After a few weeks later I was sitting in my hut, when the news spread. I was excited to hear about the new war that was going to happen, but instead it talked about how Abe Lincoln had been shot. He was at Ford’s theater when an unknown man had shot him. There was no war and no contentions at all. Not enough for me to feed off of anyway.
I seethed, even after I had bested Abe he was still foiling my plans on getting the world to have more wars.