What´s worse than having my fiance and his mother being killed is if I kill them myself. My life couldn't be any better. I live in my hometown Berlin, Germany. My soon to be husband is a wonderful man called Adalbert who unfortunately has a very sick mom who lives with us. My life was perfect. However, there was ONE thing that I found suspicious. A few months back Jews were required to go and check in to a government building so the government could know how many Jews were in the country and how many christians or catholics. That´s my guess at least. I, along with my husband am a Jew, but unfortunately I couldn't go and check-in due to house maintenance, my  fiance's job and the need to take care of my fiance's mom 24/7, it was taking over my day. One day, I heard a very suspicious sound. It was like bombs but constantly blowing up. Adalbert's mother said that they were gunshots.I didn't know what to think, I have never heard a gunshot in real life. A big bang on my door was heard. It was my fiance. My heart was beating so bad, but I was a bit less nervous now that my fiance was here. “They're coming.” Adelbert´s mother said.
“Who, whos coming momma?” said Adalbert.
“A group. Called natzeeks or something like that. I heard it on the news, I didn't think it was real.” She said with her small  shaky voice.
“Momma, that's not true. It's just rumours to scare people out.” He said. Suddenly a bigger knock came through the door. “I'll get it.” said Adalbert. As he opened the door, three guys came inside with three huge guns. One went for my husband, another one went for my mother in law and another one for me. “What do you want!!!!” Adalbert screamed.
“You, you disgusting jews. That's what we want, come with me.” The nazi said as he took Adalbert and his mother. I was screaming my lungs out. I didn't know what to say.
“Wait don't take me! I'm not a jew. I'm a catholic. Please, what can I do to help.” The nazi of course, didn't believe me. He slapped my face and hold me hardly by both hands. At this point my face was red and a stranger's hand was marked into my skin.
“How can I be so sure you are not a jew?” He said with a disgusting voice along with a intimidative face.
“First of all, do you see any star of david on my neck? Do you see  my name on the jews list?” I start questioning him. I clearly didn't know who I was messing with. He started going through the lists while I was shaking with fear. He didn't find my name. Immediately I was relieved. But then, I felt guilty. I left Adalbert and his mom alone. What could they be going through? Are they alive?Thinking about it made me nauseous.
“Ok, let's do this. We need more people in our army. Join the nazis.” He proudly said. I couldn't say no. It was not an offer. If my answer was no, he would immediately know i'm a Jew. I was too afraid. So I agreed with my most terrified face. He then took me to this huge car filled with 8 men and 3 women. I stepped in leaving all my memories away. They welcomed me with the most ugly cheer. I felt all the negativeness pass through my body. They all told me the plan. In general, the plan was to basically forze them to do jobs that we want and if they don't do what we want ,we kill them. That easy yet horrible. Killing my own religion. We then arrived to Auschwitz. When the car went to a stop, we went down and rushed inside. I couldn't believe what I saw.  1 million and a half jews dressed with dirty blue and white striped pajamas. I only saw men. Was this maybe an all men camp? Then, I saw kids, once again, no women. The kids were carrying huge amount of cement and had their skin paler than the snow. Then, I saw adults, they were all bony and skinny. I wanted to throw up.
“Excuse me, why don't I see third age men?” I asked another woman nazi, her name was Mirna,.
“We killed all of them, they are either sick or will be sick, so we go ahead and killed them off. One less problem in our lives. Don´t worry we just say it´s a shower and to be fair, yes it's a gas shower.” She said freely. I didn't answer. I just looked ahead. My mother in law must have been killed. I can't bear to think about that.  I was assigned to the door at the shower gas station. It was bath time. Millions of people were taking their clothes off and going inside. I couldn't breath. I smiled through the pain I wanted them to have a last minutes of their lives with a smile. Yes, a smile of a horrible nazi betrayer, but it was a smile.
“HEY YOU! Don't smile.” My commander screamed at me. I gulped and made a frown. The door was closed. I pushed the button and heard how every single body fell, one by one. I swallowed my tears and looked up. Adelbert. He was red. And crying. He must've heard about what they do to older people. He saw me and was in shock. I made him a sign for him to know that I was acting and Screamed to him,
“WHAT! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT STUPID JEW! GO TO WORK!” My commander looked at me and made me a thumbs up as she laughed at Adelbert. Adelbert, who is now named 86451. I realized that it was a good thing that he was here in Auschwitz. I could take care of him. For that day, I never saw Adelbert again. However, I talked to my commander into letting me take the night shift as well since I was very excited for this new job. She agreed and took me to where I should be guarding. The cabins. Here, jews could choose what cabin they wanted to be in. I went immediately to cabin number 16. Adelberts favorite number. I peeked inside and I couldn't see him. Until, I stepped a foot inside. All men stepped aside and there he was. Crying. Sobbing. “I'll take care of you. I promise ” I whispered so that only he could listen. He was shocked he looked a bit, betrayed? The next few weeks, were all the same. Going after Adelbert shift through shift, making sure he was fine. Of course, he didn't say a word to me. Never. I don't know if it was because he was mad, or because he was afraid. Both broke my heart. Shift through shift I gave him the less work possible, and gave him more bread and soup so he could stay strong. However, one day another nazi, who was called the same as me, Adelina came up to me. Since I got here, she looked suspicious. I was always sure to be careful in how I take care of Adelbert. Apparently I wasn't discreet enough for Adelina. She came up to me and hold me harshly by my shoulder.
“Well well what do we have here? A jew maybe?” She said as she was singing a well known song.
“What are you talking about?” I said without any guilt in my face.
“Oh I don't know, it's just weird, how you are treating one person differently, why may  I ask?” She asked in a whisper.
“Look please, give me a break, this was my soon to be husband. I just want this to be over!” I blurted out. She was in shock as if she solved the greatest mystery in the world.
“Oh, and what do you think our commander would think of this? Or even someone higher in place, Hitler.” She said with a threatening tone. My face as red and no sound came from my mouth. “Ok, let me propose this, I won't tell, however. You have to do something for me in change. Every day you'll take my morning shift WITHOUT the commander knowing. Deal?” Once again, I couldn't say no. She then left to her position. Day by day, I did her shifts, however that made me see Adelbert less, her shift was in cabin number 1, all the way to the beginning. Until one day, I didn’t see him at all. Not even one second. I asked the commander if there was any gas showers I could take over for today. She answered the worst thing she could've possibly answer. That they were done for today. I rushed to the gas shower, put my gas mask on, and opened the door. As I came in, there were millions of jews on top of one another. Huge piles of people who were now only bodies who filled the room. I searched corner through corner, body through body. And didn't see anyone that may looked at Adalbert, I was relieved. I was only missing one body. That couldn't be it. What luck could I have that the last body I searched, was Adalbert all along. What I first did was check his foot. He had a foot tattoo. A 16. I moved all bodies and got a hold of this person's foot. I saw it. I saw the 16.  I couldn't believe it, maybe someone else had a 16 in his left foot? My eyes started to travel all his body. Those were his legs, his arms, his hand, his stomach. That was his face. His pale yet soft face. The gorgeous eyes I fell in love with. The man I fell in love with was gone. My vision began to look blurry. I was sick, I couldn't stand up properly. I was a mess. I stayed there lying with Adelbert. Until Adelina came in. She looked, worried? “I'm sorry, I guess. I hate you and think he deserved to die of course.” She said. I didn't answer. But I made her a sympathetic look. “Come on, hitler is coming today, and he needs to see this place in shape. Lets throw that away.” She commanded. “That” that was my fiance. “That” was the man that I would take care for ever. “That” was the man I was going to spend my life with. From now on, there was no sense of living. From now on, i'm on my own.