Dear Mary,         10/6/1967
Right now I’m sitting in the big community tent, the guys are playing card games, to get their minds off the cold reality. It is a warm Saturday afternoon, in June in North Vietnam, sadly we’re not allowed to tell anybody our exact location.
A friend of mine, Bob the son of the major from Knoxville, if you remember him, told me today how sad he felt. He narrowed me, that he never said goodbye to his wife, and his three children. He said, it was too hard for him to look into crying children eyes, but he felt responsible to fight for his country and their safety. For a better life. I try to be there for these guys, before, during and after work. I understand their point of view, and they would do the same for me, I am sure about that. These guys are like brothers for me. I guess, it is a little like we carry mental problems for each other.
Bob made me think of you, my dear, I feel sorry that I cannot be with you right now. I promise I’ll be back around Christmas, and I don’t think that I’ll ever go back to Vietnam.
I cannot imagine that Lisa would grow up without her daddy. I’ll find another job, where I can be there for you, my love, and our little daughter. I’ll come back from work like every other American father would do it, and have dinner every single day with you two. You will cook and I’ll do the dishes and I will always tell you how beautiful you are. I’ll finally see our little girl growing up. I can’t look more forward to this wonderful time!
I cannot find the right words which could ever tell you how bad I feel, that I have missed her first steps. Her, making her first friends… I missed much more than expected, and my eyes are tearing when I think of this. I wish I could turn back the time, to be the father she deserves and the husband you deserve.
The last day was tragic, I lost a close friend. Cody Marthin’s got shot, as I carried him while he was already severely injured. His leg was bleeding, Cody was crying, and he wasn’t able to stand up. I smelled gasoline, heard the shot and I felt the thrust going through the body, I carried on my back. I remember that I closed my eyes, stopped while holding the dead body on my back, and I thought “that’s it, that’s the end”. The nasty smell of blood mixed with gasoline in the air and the shot made me trip back a little. The sweat ran down my face, it felt like it was easily more than 95 degrees, but I had no time to complain about this, I had to move. There was nothing to do, and I couldn’t stop it. I feel bad, a little responsible, but mostly really bad. We lost 200 men on this day, it was very tragic.
  He has got a wife at home, in Nebraska, and two young children too, I mean they are waiting for him to come back, on the Christmas day. They won’t see him again. Can’t you imagine the disappointment in their tearing eyes? Things like these, make me really sad, but happen here daily.
So I thought of writing her a letter, to tell Cody’s wife, what a good friend he was for me. He was always there for me ... I told him about your beautiful eyes, your pretty blond hair and your gorgeous smile. I just can’t wait to see you again and to leave this behind me. I’m even smiling when I’m writing about you! I told Cody about our beautiful daughter, her shiny eyes and the way it makes me smile when she starts jiggling.
The only thing that keeps me going are you two, I won’t fight for this war anymore. I’m so tired of fighting, killing and seeing brothers dying right next to me. I will fight, to see you again. I can’t tell what is right and what is wrong anymore.
Are you taking care of grandma and grandpa? I want to know everything! I hope that everything is alright over there, in Amery and nobody is sick.
Are you still going to church every Sunday? I miss the church next to the giant pine tree, where we used to have our first picnic date. Do you remember how the red sun went down, and reflected on the lake, and changed its color, ‘till it looked orange, when we first kissed? The smell of the apple pie you made on the day before, for me? No I don’t have a church like this here, but we all pray, for our families, for those who saved our life’s and for all our soldiers on the battle field.
I’m still sitting in the community tent, writing this letter to you, but it’s getting dark outside and this means we have to go to the battle field again. To pick up the last soldiers from the day and the dead bodies, to bury the fallen soldiers. We won’t leave anybody behind. At night when others hear silence, I hear the screams from this night.
Take care my love and kiss our daughter for me!
With love your John

    A thousand years passed by
Dear John,          30/6/1967
It’s been a long time without you John. I was very excited about a letter from you! This morning I was totally jumping, as the mailman pressed me your letter in my hand! We all, Grandma, Grandpa, for sure Lisa and me, are glad to hear from you!
I cannot tell you how cheerful I feel about your decision, to search another local job and how sad it makes me to hear what happened to your friend Cody. Good that you guys have each other and talk about your problems, it will help you to get over it, even if it’s hard. Stay strong John!
I would love to have you here for dinner every day. Your seat will be empty until you’ll be back. I know Lisa will also love it! You have missed a couple things, because it’s been a long time without you John, but I try to take pictures of every single step, of Lisa growing up. We can scan through the pictures when you’re back and I will tell you everything you need to know! I’ll make you your apple pie again, and we will cozy up, with a thick blanket next to the warm chimney on the Christmas day. Do you remember the smell of the fire in our chimney and fresh baked Christmas cookies?
From now on only you and I.
You have all my commiserations, it sounds so terrible, you have such a strong personality, I’m very proud of you. Please know that you did everything right, and that it really wasn’t your fault. I wish the war would stop right away and I could have you here by my side, and we could spend time as a family. I just miss you here.
Actually, I wanted to tell you this personally, but I can’t lie and let you expect everything is just fine over here. Grandpa passed away three weeks ago on a heart attack, he couldn’t make it, that was clear, said the town’s doctor afterwards. Things are getting harder without you. Grandma is completely shocked, I don’t think she is going to get over it so easy, I mean, I understand her. I know how it is, not to have the love of my life with me. An important part is missing.
Yes, we are going to church every Sunday, like usually. I asked the pastor to pray for all the soldiers, so we do this too and are thinking of you. Jessica Collins and I are taking turns, to write the prayer by ourselves, for the local church in town. Other soldier families heard of it and like it as well, I know everybody is praying for our guys out there.
Oh, and I forgot to add something else, Jessica, our neighbor, has lost her son two weeks ago. He was also a soldier, and he got shot in Vietnam. I am trying to take care of her, but he was everything she had left, her husband died a few years ago, as you know. It is not easy for those which are home, the only thing that keeps me going is you.
I’m looking so much forward to hug you again, and keep you here with us in Wisconsin. I miss you, and I wish you I could talk to you right now. Face to face, when I can get lost in your dark eyes. I would tell you then, how much I love you, and I am more than sure, that you will make a great father, for our little Lisa. The time is running, it seems so fast when I see Lisa growing up, but every day without you, feels like a thousand years passing by. There are no words to describe how I feel about this.
I think, I can’t stand another year without you. I’m always talking about you. I bet everybody in this town could tell you that. I still can’t imagine that your beautiful brown eyes, have seen such bad things, things a human shouldn’t see. We miss you. Lisa’s first words were “where’s daddy’?’”, I think it speaks for itself.
Please take care of yourself and come home healthy. I love you and we look forward to see you on Christmas.
With much love, your loving family.