She hadn't always been this way, you know. For the longest time she was this happy girl, with loving family and lots of friends. To say that things took a toll for the worst would be an understatement. But we’ll get into that a little later. Today, conveniently enough, marks our 13th anniversary since we became friends. Ever since we were little, I’ve always known that something was different about her. Not a bad different, just something that is unique and made her so much more noticeable than anyone out there. I didn’t know whether it was her huge smile, that stretched across her face with her perfectly aligned teeth, or her loud, obnoxious laugh that somehow made others want to join in with her no matter how stupid the joke was. And she had a pretty standard family as well, two loving parents, a younger brother and sister, and an adorable, fluffy, watchdog. Friends too, she had lots of them and was well liked too. She was always the center of attention, but not in bad way. She loved making others laugh, she felt as though that was her job in this world, to put a smile on others faces. Sure, people may have gotten annoyed with her every once in while, but doesn’t that happen to everyone? It would brush over in a few days anyways and her closest friends always stuck by her, including me. December 6th was the exact date I moved, just across the street from I guess you could call her my built in best friend. We didn’t know it at the time but in the upcoming teenage years of our lives we will have been through hell and back with each other.

The summer going into highschool is when things really started becoming different. Not all at once, but I could tell that changes were going to happen in the few years we had left together. Throughout Middle School we always had a close knit friend group, all girls by the way. We knew what boys were, but we didn’t REALLY know what boys were. High school was a big step up from Middle School, over three times the amount of teenagers here. Boy were we disappointed when we got our schedules back just to find out barely any of us had classes together, especially Julia and I, that’s my best friend by the way. We had always done everything together ever since we were kids. We played the same sports, joined the same clubs, and had the same interests. Despite our disappointment, the time in our lives had finally come where maybe we needed to branch off of eachother and explore the world a little bit. I still remember the day she came up to me telling me all about this cute boy who sat next to her in Freshman English Class. She told me she got his number and how they were flirting with each other the whole period. I was happy for her, I was. But there was this jealousy that resided in me. She asked me if I had seen any cute boys in my classes and I told her that from what I can tell there is a lot of weird people. I was starting to get worried because the end of the day was rolling around and I hadn’t really made any friends. I had this picture painted in my mind that I would walk in on the first day and make a shit ton of friends, which really quite the opposite happened. I tried to remain calm and told myself that it’s only the first day. Julia and I met up after school like we always do. We rode the bus home then went to her kitchen for our usual after school snack routine. “So, Jackson and I have been texting pretty much the entire day, he told me that there was this party this Saturday and that all my friends and I were invited” said Julia in a delighted tone. There was a part of me that questioned if she wanted me to come. Did she think I was holding her back? Regardless, all our friends ended up going together. Our first highschool party, and boy would this be one to remember. One may ask, “why would this party especially be one to remember?” It would only be known why months later.

The following Monday rolled around and the party that weekend was all anyone could talk about. In fact, I was getting quite sick of someone bringing it up in every conversation I tried to have. It was the first party my friends and I had been too where there was underage drinking. Quite a few of my friends got really drunk, including Julia. She’s always been the kind of girl who wants to have fun. She’s always able to control herself, until she can’t anymore. As for myself, I had a few sips of other peoples drinks, but I’m mostly a people watcher. I don’t need drugs or alcohol to have a good time. At the end of the day I went to the heart of the school, the place where Julia and I always meet to go home together. I waited for her there for about ten minutes when finally I decided she was a no show and started to head home by myself. Is she mad at me? Did I do something wrong this weekend? I settled on the assumption that she was still not feeling well from this past weekend and went home sick. She was pretty hungover the morning after the party anyways. Tuesday came around, I waited for her after school like always. She was a no show, again. I was starting to get worried about her. The same questions I had the previous day floated around in my mind. What did I do? How did I make her upset? I decided on shooting her a text asking what was wrong. I got the response, “Nothing. I am fine!” A switch went off in my head, I knew her better than that. She says she’s fine I know the real truth. Despite her striking attempt to convince me everything was okay, I headed on over to her house anyways. I shuffled down her long dark driveway and up the long stone staircase leading to her front door. I stepped inside and found her Julia and her mom sitting at the kitchen table tears rolling down their faces. I didn’t care at that point what was wrong, I just wanted to give her a big hug and make her feel better. For a long period of time we just stood there hugging, and for a moment I felt like everything was going to be alright.

Now that, that is the story of what I wish would’ve happened. We all have things we wish for. Mine, I wish I wasn’t as selfish as I was back then. Instead, I took Julia’s pain and turned it into a problem of my own. Me being my narcissistic self, for some stupid reason I assumed she was mad at my and thought to myself “two can play at that game”. The story of what really happened, Julia was too embarrassed of herself. She never actually told her mom why she was upset, I was too self centered and got offended when she didn’t meet with me after school. I didn’t go over to my best friend's house to check up on her, I went home and pouted in my room like a child.

Your probably thinking, just tell us what happened that night already. Julia, was raped the night of that party. The saddest part about all of this, as if it could get anymore sad, was that nobody knew about it until a rape kit was done on her corpse. Unfortunately that’s just the world we live in. This 15 year old girl was so ashamed of being a victim of a disaster she couldn’t control, that she overdosed herself because of it. She never even got the opportunity to share how she felt, to tell her side of the story. The good news is, there’s a lesson that can be learned from all of this. That lesson is to ALWAYS check up on the people you love. Even if you don’t think they need it. Julia was the funniest and contagious person I will ever know. Suicidal people often think, if I die, the sun will still rise in the morning and the stars will still come out at night. My family and friends lives with both go on even if I’m not here. Without you, none of these people will want any of that to happen. Without you, there will be this empty void in your loved ones hearts forever. It’s always the people you least expect to be a victim of this horrible disease. I loved you Julia, and I can’t believe I could have been as selfish as I was. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t miss my best friend.