“Boy in the green apron! Hold that door open for me!”

The boy whipped his head around. A sweaty man was stumbling towards him, waving his right hand back and forth in the air. “Sorry! I’m running late!” the boy shouted back and dashed through the half-open door.

“Ugh! Little brat! Don’t I deserve some luck these days?” Liam muttered.

He reached the entrance of the coffee shop and sighed in relief. “Good, there’s no line. Thank god..”

Before reaching for the door handle, he paused and glanced to his left and right. “Thank you, god..for giving me relief on this scorching hot day.” His hands reached down to dig the wedgie out of his buttcheeks.

Liam sighed in bliss. “No more sweaty cheeks...now just the front.” He shimmied up and down to discreetly moved his briefs around and groaned when he entered. “Oh god..yes..that definitely feels so much better.”

The smile dropped as soon as he heard a voice behind him pipe up.

“Ugh! That’s so disgusting! You seriously reached for the handle with the same hands you used to touch yourself with!”

Liam turned around to face a pretty woman dressed in a dainty sundress and a floppy sun hat.

“I didn’t touch myself, I merely adjusted an article of clothing on top of my body.” he flicked his finger against her forehead.

“Don’t touch me!” the woman glared at him.

“I’ll sue you for unwanted advances! I’m a law student!” she scowled.

“Oh god! I’m so scared!” he feigned. “Just kidding! I’m a law student too. I’ll sue you for verbal harassment!” They glowered at each other.

The pretty woman spoke up again. “Are you obsessed with the word “god”? ”

Liam ignored her and broke off his intense stare. His eyes danced over her face.

Suddenly, he grinned. “Smart-mouthed and hot aren’t you. ”

“What?” the pretty woman sputtered. “You’re...Just get out of my face”

Liam winked at her. “At least give me your name then. I’m Liam.”

“My name is Lily! Go take your order! You’re holding up the line!” she blushed.

“Number? Beautiful name by the way. And there is no line, we’re the only people in here. Let’s sit together.” he ended the flirty conversation and strolled to the register.

The boy in the green apron greeted him. “Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get-”

Liam exploded. “You! I told you to hold the door open for me! Didn’t you see that I was sweating balls out there? It’s one hundred and two degrees, you selfish prick!”

“Sorry man, I was running late for work. On the bright side, you still made it to our store in one piece!” the boy in the green apron beamed.

“Thank god for that.” Liam paused to look at the nametag on the apron. “Alright Peter, I would like to order a Cotton Candy Frap.” Embarrassed by his dietary restrictions, he mumbled quietly, “with soy milk and no whipped cream. What's my total?”

“It’s on the house for you. Sorry for not holding the door open.” Peter offered.

“Thanks, man! I appreciate it.” Liam stuffed the tip jar and picked up his drink.

Washing half of the frappuccino down his parched throat, a table caught his eye. “Lily, I found us a spot!”

Lily sauntered over. “Someone’s a bit thirsty. For the record, I’m only sitting here because there are no other open seats.” she teased.

“Once again, we’re the only customers here. No need to lie. And for the record, today was tough for me. I deserve this cold beverage.” he patted her hand.

“I don't want to hear about your day. I didn’t ask.” she retorted.

Liam ignored her again. “I didn’t ask a question either, so I’m not expecting a response…law student. Anyways I’m driving on an empty road and I run out of gas. So I walk to the nearest gas station and back which takes me an awful forty minutes in the sweltering heat. By this time, I’m drenched in sweat. The sun is beating down my face and I just want to go home.”

“Wow, thank you for your bravery.” she saluted him.

“Hah! Jokes! You would wither up into a french fry in that dress outside. But get this, when I start my car again, it won’t turn on. Surprise surprise, my car overheated! And so-” he stopped talking. His face twisted into a grimace.

Lily was alarmed. “Liam? What’s wrong?” he slammed his drink onto the table and clutched his stomach.

He cursed. “That devil put milk in my frappuccino. I’m severely lactose intolerant. I have level four lactose intolerance. I’m going to pass out..”

Lily sighed, exasperated. “There are no levels in lactose intolerance…idiot.”

Liam didn’t reply.