“No, stop! Stop it!” I screamed in my bed, with the same extreme fear and pain that I had when I was thirteen— I experienced watching my writings turning into ashes and making the sizzling sound in the dancing flame once again.

    I cannot put myself into sleep again. I walked in front of the window. It is raining outside right now. My thoughts went back to that night, the night that I almost buried my soul forever.

    It was a rainy winter night, the electricity system had a break-down. Anything that needs electricity was not working. The whole neighborhood was stuck in the darkness. My family decided to light up the house by burning some old newspapers in the stove since we used up all of the candles in the last electricity outage. Everything was going fine until I saw my writings and diary appeared in the stacks of old newspapers that are going into the five stove.

    I instantly panicked, but I thought it was an accident made by my mother. I quickly picked up my writings and diary from the piles of newspapers. While I was busy picking up my papers, without warning, a furious voice came into my ears: “What are you doing here? Put those papers into the stove, now! Are you trying to let your family suffer in the cold and darkness? What a devil you are!”

    I ignored the order from that furious voice. I was focusing on picking up my papers before they would be thrown into the stove. Without any notice, a strong force pushed me onto the floor. All of the papers that I picked up were taken away and tore apart. I looked up, it was my mother. She was the person that pushed me onto the floor and took away my papers. I ran up to my mother and tried to take back my writings, over and over again. In return, I was kicked and pushed off onto the floor numerous times. And finally, I had run out of all my energy. My writings were thrown into the red, burning that is dancing in front of me like a monster. I stood in front of the stove, without a single word.

    “What are you doing there, idiot!? Mourning your stupid and worthless writings just like yourself? Put those newspapers into the stove, right now! If you dare to disobey my order again, you’re going to stove with those junks! You’re my daughter, your assigned job is to take care of me and your brother, not wasting your time on daydreaming and writing. As a valueless person, you should be glad that you are not abandoned and homeless. What an ungrateful thing! Remember, your last name is Chen, you are Annie Chen, you are born to serve this family. Now, start working for your family!” 

    I was left alone with the mountains of newspapers. I felt the drops of blood coming down from my forehead, this was not the first time it happened. I tore a piece of newspaper apart and took a piece of it to wipe off the blood from the cut. After wiping off the blood, I start to add newspapers into the fire just as what my mother ordered me to do. The sizzling sound from those burning papers in the stove was heartbreaking to hear. I watched and listened to my words and thoughts slowly turning into ashes in the stove. That night, my flesh was warmed by the fire, but my heart was frozen and buried with thick layers of icy snow.

    After that night, the sky was bright and beautiful. The sunshine can warm up my body, but not my flesh. My mother had stabbed a sharp and cold into my heart. This was not the first, however, this time was the worst. The fire had not only burned off my writings but also my dream of becoming a writer.

    I screamed and cried for help in my heart for various times. The image of that flaming fire had deeply haunted me. I drowned in the waves of pain at night. I could not sleep, I wanted to scream out, I wanted to breathe, I wanted to cry out loud, but I couldn’t! I felt like a broken baby doll that is roughly glued together. All of the bleakness was locked under that fake and cracked smile. Ever since that rainy night, I was lost, lost in a rainy forest.

    In the next two years, I lived my life like a manipulated doll. All of that hopelessness and anguish were hidden deep in my heart. I followed all of my mother’s orders, endured the endless violence from my spoiled younger brother. I tried my best to fulfill my family’s wishes and forget about those heartbreaking memories, which I knew was impossible to do. Even so, I did not get any kind of attention or love from my family, not even the sight of pity. I thought this was my fate, I thought I was supposed to live my entire life worthlessly with struggles and the continuous housework until I met Mrs. Melenian, a kindhearted and intelligent woman that saved me from the bleak chaos.

    Mrs. Melenian was my English teacher in my first year of high school. As a fifteen-year-old, I had terrible grades and behavior. Ever since my writings were thrown into the fire, my dream of becoming a writer was crashed into ashes, because of this, the school had become a shelter, where I hide from the endless housework and violence. It was a temporary shelter, and only a temporary shelter.

    However, things change. My world was changed in an afternoon.

    It was a rainy day, again. The sky scowled, the dark clouds covered the entire sky, not letting any brightness through. I was held after school by Mrs. Melenian. I walked towards Room 30, expressionless. Being held after class had become part of my daily life. I knocked on the door, expecting Mrs. Melenian opens the door with a cold, emotionless face just like what all of the other teachers do when I appear in front of their doors after class. At the moment when I was least expected, where she was, standing by the door with a big, warm smile on her face and said: “Let’s have a talk! Shall we?”

    I walked into the classroom with confusion and fear. Mrs. Melenian’s honey-sweet attitude made me feel overwhelmed. Her warm smile was a shot of sunshine that suddenly came into my heart without any warning. It touched the deepest spot of my heart, while also releasing a combination of feelings from my heart----  a mixture of happiness and fear. I desperately wanted that shot of brightness to stay. I was extremely eager to catch that only shot of brightness in my heart. At the same time, I was also scared, scared of losing that shot of hope. I thought the warm attitude of Mrs. Melenian was not going to stay long. Once again, my guess was wrong. Her sincere attitude lasted for the rest of the afternoon. For that peaceful afternoon, we had a nice conversation about improving my grades. For the first time ever, in one of these “after-class conservations”, I felt I was treated as an equal, not like a 5-year-old. In that afternoon, the classroom became more than a shelter to me, it was like a home, where I am welcomed and warmed. 

    On my way out of Room 30, a strong compound of emotions took over me. I ran back to Mrs. Melenian with nonstopping tears and a hug—— Even though I regretted my actions right afterward and ran straight back into the rain. I wasn’t completely sure of what motivated me so strongly, all I knew was: I was never, ever been treated by an adult as an equal, this was the first time, for the first time ever. 

    Afterward, Room 30 became my home. I started to stay in Room 30 daily. In Room 30, I was never ordered to do cleaning work, There was also no one rising up their fists against me. There was only a caring, loving, patient, and knowledgeable Armenian woman that would always support and listen to me. With more and more time went by, Mrs. Melenian became my friend and even my family. My insomnia also started to get better. With Mrs. Melenian’s words of encouragement, I picked up my dream of becoming a writer again. When I received my certificate from a writing contest in the mailbox, I knew my new life had started.

    “Now is 5:30 in the morning, November 4th, 2019” My alarm went off as I expected.

     It is still raining outside, the same as when I was thirteen. However, this time, I am no longer that scared thirteen-year-old girl helplessly crying in front of the fire stove. I am now Annie Melenian. An independent, happy, loved 25-year-old. With the help of Mrs. Melenian, who had given me a second life, I had left the family that mistreated me, attended college, and became a writer—— Just like what the thirteen-year-old Annie wrote in her diary……