I Love You, Goodbye | Teen Ink

I Love You, Goodbye

October 2, 2020
By slafre08 BRONZE, Thousand Oaks, California
slafre08 BRONZE, Thousand Oaks, California
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

The great willow tree stands tall among the others in the park, gently swaying with the wind. The delicate branches bend swiftly in a majestic and enchanting way. The leaves make a soft rustling noise as they dance around one another with the cool breeze. Kaia Lani Davis had always been attracted to this specific tree in the park. Whether she was reading a book, admiring the clouds, or just sitting under it, this old, majestic tree would always bring her peace. 

Kaia found herself beneath that tree at the park every day for the past year, relying on the spot to bring her at least some kind of comfort. Kaia sits down against the tree trunk with a few pieces of paper in her hand. They have messy handwriting all over, torn edges, and the pages have faded to a yellow-ish color, indicating that they have been torn out of an old book or journal of some sort. Kaia takes a breath and begins reading. 

“Well, Journal, today was very eventful,”Alana wrote, “I got up at five this morning to go on a long sunrise hike. But of course I was too slow and missed it. I mean it was still beautiful and everything, but I wanted to see the whole thing happen from the top. Oh well, I guess. It’s been my favorite place since we moved all the way here to San Diego from Hawaii.” Alana stopped writing and looked up from her journal. A longing feeling came over her as she remembered her old home on the island of Kaui. Her eyes welled up with tears and she looked away, avoiding the pain that would come with remembering her old life. She started writing again as a single tear fell from her cheek and landed on the page.

“I have been thinking about my life a lot recently. I’ve felt heartache, sure, but what immediately comes to mind are the people I’ve loved.”

She looked up from her writing again, trying to keep from crying. “The little moments with those people mean so much to me.” Alana goes on to list some of these moments. “Going to the grocery store with Mom and singing along to the radio. Skateboarding around the farmers market with my sister. Surfing with all of my friends. Laughing the hardest I ever had in my life.” As the tears she was holding back dripped down her face, Alana chuckled, remembering some of those moments. Feeling the depth of her sorrows, Alana rubbed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the tree she was sitting under: the swaying branches, the bustling leaves. Alana’s mind drifted into a daze as she studied this beautiful tree. 

… 

Kaia looks up from the pages she was reading and glances at the trees once again, becoming focused on the beauty spilling out of them. She looks around at the rest of the park. The white flowers, the water fountain, the clouds above. Kaia takes a deep breath in and smells the freshly cut grass she was sitting on. Bringing a smile to her face, this nostalgic smell reminded Kaia of her sister. She remembers sitting in the park, under this tree, just talking and laughing with her. Kaia remembers laughing so hard with her sister and smelling the freshly cut grass. Still smiling, a tear drips down off of her face. Kaia thinks about how long ago that was even though it still feels like yesterday. She misses that feeling with her sister. The feeling of laughing until your lungs hurt, until you can’t breathe. 

Kaia comes out of her dreamy daze, looking back at her book. The hand written letters were smeared across the page, there were big dried water drops all over, and there were long pauses between sentences. Kaia raised her eyebrows in confusion. Before turning the page over, Kaia wondered why anyone would be crying while writing in their journal. “It’s not like she's writing anything sad,” she thought. In an attempt to understand more of this story, Kaia read on. 

Alana looked back at her journal, quiet tears streaming down her face.  She whispered what she was writing to herself as she wrote: “I’m going to miss making these memories. I'm going to miss these people. They make me almost not want to do it. They make me rethink what I have had my mind set on for so long.” Remembering her plans, Alana sighed a breath of relief and went on. “If only they were enough to keep me here. I used to struggle with thinking that my family wasn’t enough for me. I thought I was weak for not loving them enough to stay. I thought that I was going to disappoint everyone. But now, I am sure that I have made the right decision.” 

Alana wiped her tears away, and steadied her breath. 

Alana looked at the tree again as yesterday’s memories came rushing back to her. Alana had spent the whole day with her sister, right here, under this tree. They had laughed on the freshly cut grass, talked about life, and just enjoyed themselves. From traveling, to family dinners, to skateboarding around town, Alana thought about all the memories they shared. A smile formed on her face as she kept thinking about her sister. 

… 

Kaia put down the pages in a panic. She felt dizzy and lightheaded as she processed what she had just read. “How could she do that to her family,” Kaia thought. “Didn’t she know how much we loved her? Did I even know her at all?” Kaia’s mind races with unclear thoughts about what she read, her biggest fear becoming a reality: “What if I didn’t know her? What if she was really just a stranger? Was she a stranger?” 

She cradles her face in her hands and brings her knees up to her chest. She slowly rocks back and forth. Tears fill her eyes. She takes a sharp breath in as she lets her sorrows take over her. Kaia sobbs for what feels like eternity. When no more tears will fall, despite no change in how she was feeling, Kaia looks up from her hands at the beautiful park still surrounding her. She focuses again on the beauty of the trees. After a long while, Kaia’s breath seems to come easier, and she is finally able to calm her thoughts. 

… 

As Alana prepared to write her final words, the people who had influenced her life came to mind again. “I’ve had so many great friends, but they’ve all drifted so far now. I’ve always been really close with my family though, and they’ve never left. My mom and dad were always so caring and understanding. And Kaia was the greatest friend I could’ve asked for.” Alana felt a drop in her chest as her sister, Kaia, appeared in her mind again. 

“I have always and will always love my little sister Kaia. She will always hold a place in my heart. But after what's about to happen, she’s probably going to be mad at me for a long time. I hope that she can get over her anger and learn from this, but all of that takes time,” Alana wrote as she looked up from her jornal, tears filling her eyes. Alana looked around the park for the last time. “As I lay here on my death bed of grass and leaves, the war within me about to end, I have finally found peace.” The pills Alana had taken when she first got to the park were setting in and she was growing very very tired. She managed to stay awake long enough to write her last words: “To whomever is reading this: I love you, goodbye.” She laid her head down, closed her eyes, and took a long deep breath. Alana was gone.



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