Anxiety. In third grade on the way back from Breyer Fest, my dad's transmission blew. I will always remember that moment , something so stupid made me think I was going to die. From that day on I had anxiety, terrible anxiety that makes you throw up and stay in the house out of fear, finally two years later with medicine my anxiety had dwindled away and I was able to have fun again. “Liam!!” My mom yelled. “You can go skateboarding with Hunter but make sure you're careful, don't do anything stupid.” I ran through the house zooming past doorways and dodging obstacles, I snatched my white Nikes, and hopped on my skateboard. Today I was going skateboarding, not by myself, but with my friend Hunter. The air was crisp and the sun was beating down on my forehead, bullets of sweat racing down my face as I propelled my foot off the ground traveling towards the green. “ You ready?” Hunter said as we rode off onto Elm. “Think I could try?” I said to Hunter, eyeing his new electric skateboard. “Sure” he replied. Slowly I got on, testing the acceleration as not to fall off. Then I went all out. All I could think of as the wind swept through my hair was my atv and the freedom it gave. All taken away because a cop couldn't stand my happiness. I looked down suddenly realizing my speed projected on the controller, 18 mph beamed through the back lit screen. Now all I could think of was anxiety, I slowed to a crawl and turned around giving Hunter's board back.

As we passed the post office I had an idea, not a good one, but an idea nevertheless. “What if I rode down that hill….” I said as we rolled to a stop sitting down on the chalk white sidewalk. “I don't think that's a good idea,” Hunter said as I thought about my anxiety, I started to shiver but I couldn't let this get in my way. I glanced at the hill and then back at my friend, it can't be that fast. I've done it on my bike before, and I didn't die so I'm pretty sure it's safe. I grabbed my Land Yacht and slowly glided to the top of the hill, I got off and walked down to the curve and set my board down. No time for thinking just hop on I thought, and so I lifted my foot and watched the ground start to roll. “This isn't too bad” I said as I proceeded down the hill, but then I rapidly started gaining speed. I stood watching the tree's warp and the road go by at sonic speed. It was too late. I was in it now, so I arched my back to keep balance narrowing my eyes to extend my view. 20, 30, 35 mph and I knew this would be bad, I started to wobble and in slow motion, I fell. Bouncing off the pavement, my body vibrating like mom's baking sifter. Each time I bounced I got more painful 4 times I bounced until finally sliding 5 feet across the smoke black asphalt, Covered in blood.All I could hear was mom's voice,  “don't do anything stupid.”

Hunter came running down the hill almost falling himself, as I sat recollecting myself trying to understand what just happened. I started to panic and wiped my mouth trying to find the source of my metallic taste, not finding it brought lots of anxiety. “Am I bleeding internally? Is it just a cut? Are any bones broken? Where's my skateboard?” I slowly got up inspecting my body, running my hand over my now coarse and torn skin just standing there shivering. As I painfully plucked pebbles from inside my legs, sopping up the blood with my shorts I saw my skateboard. Gradually making my way over, thoughts rolling through my head like a freight train as I heaved the skateboard out of the bushes. 

Today, I still suffer from anxiety, still have medicine, and am still working my way up to being “normal” again, going on trips without worrying if there's a good hospital nearby, riding roller coasters while worrying about falling off. The lesson I learned is that I should think twice before doing something questionable, which has undoubtedly saved me several times since. It also taught me to heed ones advice, my mom knew as they always do that I was going to do something stupid, and I didn't listen. Anxiety is wretched, something all my friends make fun of, but it's real, and has immobilized me from having fun countless times. I will do anything to keep something like this from happening again, and thinking seems like something I'm willing to do.