Pearl Reid: My First Month - New State New School Journal Log

Are you supposed to introduce yourself in your own journal logs? Well, I have no idea. I guess I’ll start off with the fact that my name is Pearl Reid, I’m 17 years old, and just moved to Washington 3 days ago. This is my journal of my “new” life as well as a healing method to losing my old one.

“Ready or not, here I come!” were the first words in my head while I walked through the bright blue unfamiliar doors. Today was my first day at a new school in a new state. I was nervous, but mom assured me that although new is scary, it is sometimes a blessing in disguise.

Walking through the musty halls felt like every other high school I’ve been to. The crowded halls consisted of the same groups as every typical small-ish town school; popular girls, football players, average friend groups and the different types of outcasts. Oh, and of course I was talk of the town... the new girl in January.

I got looks after looks as well as whispers about me - “Wonder why she transferred” or “Looks just as lost as the Freshmen on their first day!”. Ouch. I’m a Junior.
I’m really holding on with some hope for this school year, or what’s left of it.

I chose some new things here in Washington from what I was doing back at my old school in Texas. I signed up for Yearbook Club and am taking a photography class. I’m not quite sure how the Yearbook club will accept me but, it’s sure worth a shot!

Period 4 is when I have my Photography class. I went in thinking it would be an easy class, maybe learning how to operate some cameras and taking pictures.... But I was sure as heck wrong. We had been given an entire project on the first day of second semester! I was totally unprepared because I had NO idea we needed our own cameras....

My teacher called me out in front of the class asking where my good quality camera was and I had to respond that I didn’t have one... so embarrassing am I right???

In my defense, I was never made aware of anything for any of my classes. That’s what sucks about moving last minute from a family tragedy.

To my surprise, some random guy in my class started walking up to me with a huge bag around his shoulder. He slid his left hand through his long and curly
brown hair while taking the bag off his shoulder with his right hand and handing it to me. “What is this??” I asked, “Extra camera.. My dad’s a photographer. Don’t break it!” he said with a smirk and walked away. I didn’t even know what to say, not sure if it was because I was shocked he was so nice or being captivated by his gorgeous hair and smile! LOL.

During the entire class period I couldn’t stop looking at him. I wasn’t sure if it was the long hair or the oddly familiar face. Hopefully I didn’t embarrass myself!

We were given the details to our project that is due in 3 weeks. I don’t have any idea how I’m going to complete this! 1. I have no experience with cameras and 2. I don’t know anyone from this school, which is a main factor of the project itself.

Our project summarized is to make a photobook consisting of one person doing normal life things in and outside of school. The pictures are to be natural. But the only catch is that you can’t let the person (or anyone) know that you are using them for your book... it remains a secret!
I guess that’s the one good part... having to keep it a secret. But how am I going to figure out who to use? I don’t really have a path through this school or know much about it. Well, I have a bit to figure it out at least.

As the last bell approaches, I feel a sudden relief. Not necessarily that the day is over and I can go home, but that I survived my first day with nothing unusual happening. I walked out of the dark and gloomy building out to the dark and gloomy skies of nature. The smell of rain was intense, although it wasn’t raining yet. I waited for my mom at the entrance doors, only because it was the one spot under cover. I was the only person standing there and kept on having people look at me like I was crazy!

Then a huge crash of thunder hits and the rain starts pouring. Each kid standing outside either had a raincoat with a hood and rain boots or a giant umbrella.... Man was I sure unprepared. I was used to rain back home in Texas but I wasn’t expecting it on my first day.

It took forever for my mom to pick me up. Like 15 minutes! And the rain hadn’t stopped yet. That was the moment that I realized I had a lot to get used to!

I then got back to our new house, which isn’t homey enough to call home yet. Boxes are everywhere, almost nothing unpacked yet! I still haven’t even
picked a room yet, and neither has my mom. I think she is waiting because she is still too upset about... you know, dad. Well that’s a story I will talk about later when I come to terms with it.

The house is 3 stories with 6 bedrooms for 4 people. My mom, older brother Keegan, little sister Lila, and then me. Keegan immediately took the room in the basement, which sucks because it is the biggest! Lila took the room right at the top of the stairs on the 3rd floor. It has a window seat. My mom will obviously take the master bedroom located on the main floor, but that leaves me with 3 choices... the small one next to my sisters room, the one on the main floor with my own bathroom, or the average one on the top?

After hours of going back and forth between the rooms I picked the room on the main floor with my own bathroom. I started to move my stuff into it and unpack. After a while I gave up. Too much on my mind.

I lie there on my bed staring out the window for what feels like forever, my eyes wander around the room and then stop on that big black bag from the guy in my photography class. I bring it to my bed and empty the whole thing out. Inside was the camera, all the essentials needed for it and then a notepad. I didn't think anything of it so I set it on my dresser along with the rest of the stuff.
My mom then called us over for dinner. We had pizza from a local pizza delivery place. We didn’t have any utensils for the salad or even plates for the pizza! Definitely was a struggle but brought out some laughter within the family which hadn’t happened in a while. I actually haven’t seen Keegan even smile since dad. Lila understands, but since she is just a clueless pre-teen, she doesn’t fully have the emotions for it. I on the other hand am dealing with it like a mixture of them. I have my good days and then my bad.

The sun sets and the house becomes completely silent. I have no TV set up in my room so I can’t watch The Bachelor like I usually do. I unpacked a bit of the stuff that goes into my dresser until I was too tired to.

After hours, I finally sat down on my unmade bed with no bed frame. My eye catches the notepad from earlier. I picked it up and looked through all of the pages to see if there was anything of any importance. There was nothing on any of the pages until I got to the back part of the hard cover. There was a name reading Oliver White; Class of 2022. I have no reason not to believe the guy who gave me the camera’s name is Oliver White unless there is a brother or it wasn’t his.
I looked up the name on instagram and found an account with a picture of the guy from my class, which gave me some relief that I knew his name now.

The rest of the night was honestly a blur. I did more unpacking, watching YouTube videos, and playing with my puppy Sully.

Fast forward to my period 4 photography class:

For the next 3 weeks that we are working on our projects, we essentially are given free periods. I still have no idea what I will be doing my project on, so I decided I needed to use the time to figure that out.

I went to a nice little study spot by a window looking into what looks like a heavily wooded area. There are 2 couches and 4 chairs. Earlier in the day I had picked up a yearbook from the library, so I immediately dug in. I wanted to find someone interesting, since we have to take pictures of them and document them.

I had literally no luck because I realized I grabbed the yearbook of when my class were Freshman and everyone looked pretty different.
There were a lot of people that didn’t have a class and were just wandering around or sitting in places, so I decided that I would look around and see if I could find anyone that caught my attention. Before I get up and walk, I just look around me first. I turn around in my chair and immediately something catches my attention.

Long and curly brown hair. I stopped for a minute waiting for him to turn around, just to make sure that it actually was him, Oliver.

It in fact was him.

It was at this moment when I figured out that he would be the perfect option for my project. The mysteriousness about him and why he has been so nice to me could be a good foundation for this project.

A few class periods went by and then we had a break. I found him at a window while I was passing through halls. I was far enough away from him that he wouldn’t have been able to see me, and he probably doesn’t remember me anyway. I decided to take a picture of him in this natural state of observation.
The way he was looking out the window reminds me of when I would look out of the car window going to do something fun as a kid. Or resembles the look on my face when I was happy just being in the car with my family. He was looking out the window as if nothing could change him in that moment, not even a name call.

The picture was taken from his left, and only the left side of his face and body were in the picture. His long and curly hair was flipped over to the right, and he was leaning his forehead on the window. His elbows were sitting on the ledge of the windowsill. The picture caught the gloomy aspect of the cloudy outside and dark school hallway, but the vibrant smirk on his face and twinkle in his eye.

I finally found a project. Happy is an understatement!

At this moment I felt happier than I had in a while, all things considered.

Later that night, while having dinner, it started to feel more like a family. Yes, we’ve always been a family, but ever since my father passed away it’s been a little bit different.
Well journal, I’ve said more than I wanted to. You might want some explanation so I will do my best at summarizing.

We were a happy, loving, and bonded family. It was my grandmother on my dad's side birthday evening. We always spent birthdays, holidays, and family gatherings at my grandparents house, specifically my dads. After a long night of celebrating as a family it was time to go home. We made it back safely and were all headed to bed. My dad realized he left his phone at his parents house, so he had to go back and get it. Our mom insisted he wait until the next morning but since he had things to do all day, he went to get it then.

Us kids went ahead and headed to bed while my mom sat on the couch watching TV waiting for dad to get back. After a while, my mom fell asleep. I wake up to a sudden wave of screaming coming from the other room. I ran out the door to see what was happening and I saw mom sprawled out on the floor convulsively crying with Keegan hugging her.

She looks up at my startled face and says “He’s gone, your father is gone!”

It was right then and there that I fell to my knees in utter disbelief. I was in such shock that my emotions were uncontrollable. The next few weeks were weeks that I would never want to go through again and try my hardest to
forget about. My world had fallen apart. Nothing was the same. Everyone in my family was so heartbroken and emotionally gone.

That night when he went back to his parents house, he was in a car accident about 4 blocks before his parents house. The officers told us that at a 4 way stop sign he was hit from the driver's side by another vehicle coming at full force. We were told with the damage done to the car that it was a quick death and he wasn’t suffering for long.

I’m not sure how my mother received the news that morning or how his parents did either. I just know it was not taken very easily and still is very sensitive to talk about for everyone in the family.

My mom has been hit the most with the after effects of his death. We moved here to Washington to be close to her parents since she was having such a hard time dealing with things. She wanted to be closer to family.

After she processed his death, she wasn’t able to sleep in her own bed. She wasn’t able to do much because everywhere she was she would have something that would remind her of him and then she wouldn’t be able to do anything else the rest of the day.
It was just so unexpected. I would never have had that thought cross my mind that he would leave us so early, especially after spending the whole day with him having everything be completely normal.

Let's just say that it really shook up our world and made everything different.

Now that is why I’m in Washington.

Now it’s Friday! I have almost completed a whole week of a new school in a new state. Dad would be so proud. I’m not sure how to feel if I like it here or not, but it’s not as bad as it could be.

Over the week I have made a few friends. Nothing crazy, just the kind of friend you talk to during passing periods or text about a class here and there. I have made a lot of progress on my photography project too! I haven’t done as much as I could have if I wasn’t getting used to everything and everyone around here, but I have a solid start. It is definitely difficult getting good quality photos of someone with their face in it without them realizing. 2 weeks to go!

The weekend flew by so fast. All I did was unpack more of my room and help with around the house boxes. It didn’t really make much of a difference in the
hundreds of boxes since I was alone, and that is because Keegan locked himself in his room all weekend, Lila would put things in the wrong places so she wouldn’t be allowed to help anyway, and my mom was at her parents house while Grandpa came here to watch all us kids.

It feels like every time we go a step forward in progress, we take 2 or 3 steps back in the opposite direction, yet the steps backwards are everyone else except me. But I get it, we all have completely different coping mechanisms. My mom and Keegan tend to take it out by isolating themselves from everyone and I cope by doing things like organizing or whatever it is in the moment to get my mind off of things.

This Monday during my photography class, I had my first full conversation with Oliver.

We had to go into the classroom today to have a weekly check up with Mr. Doetz just to make sure we were doing what we needed to do. With Oliver and I being the first ones checked, we both left at the same time.

We both were walking to the seating area in the hall when he asked me why I transferred here in January. I was hesitant at first on if I should tell him the real reason or make something up less sad. I went ahead and told him that
my father passed in November and we moved here to be closer to my mom’s side of the family. He seemed very sympathetic to me and went on about how he was sorry. I tried to keep the conversation going by asking him how long he’s lived here, etc.

I learned that he has lived here his whole life and lives with his grandparents. I’m not sure why, and I wasn’t willing to ask just in case it was a sensitive topic.

We talked and talked for a while until the bell rang. I actually think we became friends and learned about each other a bit.

He was so quiet at first and seemed a little nervous but after a bit he opened up and seemed comfortable. A very smart guy and I’m hoping we can talk again. It would be nice so that when we present our projects he doesn’t get creeped out!

Oliver White: Second Semester First Week Journal Recap

Hey there journal! It’s been a while since I’ve been in here. 16 days to be exact, since it was just winter break!
I thought my first day back in the second semester after winter break would be the same as usual... just a basic long day of nothing interesting happening in my life. Well I was wrong. There was this new girl in my pic class. She looked really nervous and confused about everything happening so I gave her my extra camera that I had with me to see if it would ease the super stressed out look she kept on making. I just want to help people! I have gone on so long in my life not doing anything memorable so why not start now with the new girl am I right?

She was staring at me ALL of that class period. I don’t think she knows that I know, but it was kind of funny. What was she so interested in? Is my long hair different than what she's used to? Is my nose too big? Does she think I’m cute? I guess I’ll never know unless I ask. But I’m not going to ask LOL.

One day that week when I was looking out the window engaging my inner self with the outdoors, I felt a presence looking at me. I didn’t want to ruin my vibes looking at nature so I just brushed it off. Then... I heard the distant shutter of my old camera I gave her! I knew she had just taken a picture of me and was reallllyyyyy creeped out and asked myself if I had made a mistake giving her the camera. I was totally oblivious to the fact we had a project on taking pictures of people in their natural state. Definitely made me feel a lot
better that she wasn’t a freak taking pictures of me for fun! I figured she didn’t know anyone else to do the project on so she chose me.

Since this girl doesn’t have any friends, or at least it doesn't seem like it, I have made a plan to make her my image project for class as well. Then, when we go to present our projects, it will be a huge conversation topic and maybe we can bond over it. I want to make a difference in this girl's life and become

f riends!

The vibe she gives off is almost very defeating. She obviously is nice, but she seems very sad. I don’t know why. Is it the new school? No friends? Something else going on? Since I have no idea, mark my words I will try to uplift her spirits!

After our one week checkup on the first project of the semester, and after Mr. D let us go, I thought it was the perfect time to start a conversation to get to know this mysterious girl.

I attempted 3 times to get words out but wasn’t able to... I was scared she would feel uncomfortable. I went with the easy out and asked her why she transferred here in January. She told me some devastating stuff. Apparently her dad passed away one night after a car accident and then she moved here
to be closer to her mom's parents. Sad stuff. I’m leaning towards that being the reason she seems so sad.

In all honesty though, her situation is so similar to what happened to me. My parents also passed away from a car accident. ’I’m not sure what happened exactly since I wasn’t there, but they were in Texas at the time for a wedding and when driving back to a family member's house, then got into an accident. I know one other person was impacted as well.

This wasn’t too long ago, I think it was around the same time since she said November. I hope she’s doing okay. I have my days, but also try to keep strong. I keep strong for those around me.

The atmosphere is my coping mechanism. I enjoy looking at the bristling leaves in the wind with the thick raindrops and long grass flowing too. I like to watch things in nature do what they naturally do. I love the wild. Nothing is set, nothing is expected, and nothing is planned. I feel peace when I watch.

Would you call it sight seeing? I have no idea! That's why people all over always catch me watching out the window or staring “into space” while outside. Just silently coping is what I do.
Pearl Reid: Finally Feeling at Home Journal Log

It’s officially been a few weeks since we moved here and I started school. It has definitely been the opposite of easy but I feel more connected to myself than before.

Today is the presentation day for our secret picture compilation. I was up first, and it went really well. Oliver didn’t seem creeped out at all, he appeared to be happy! A bunch of other kids in the class also chose other people in the class. No people overlapping, which was nice!

Oliver’s compilation took me by surprise..... He chose me. Me? Why on earth would he choose me?

At first I thought I was either seeing things or it was a joke. I had chosen him because he was the attention grabber for me and I knew who he was - he was also the only person that I knew. But he knows almost the whole entire class of 2022?

I guess I could not get over why he chose me. I wanted to know whether it was from guilt in me being the new girl or if he wanted to be friends and connect.
Besides that, I think we connected over us picking each other. I really am starting to think we have become good friends now. It’s been a while since I was able to say that.. Man it feels nice to have a friend!

Later that day I passed him on my way out of the building. He stopped me and asked if we could walk home together to get to know more things about each other. Of course I said yes!

We had many different conversations on the typical things you talk about when meeting someone. I found out his favorite color is green and he said it’s that because his favorite thing in the world is nature, especially trees. He said he doesn’t have a favorite song and watches all genres of TV and movies. He has 4 siblings, 3 sisters and a brother. Born and raised here with family in Texas.

After asking him where in Texas his family was from he responded with Fort Worth. My eyes widened so much when he said that, because that’s exactly where I came from. He seemed shocked for a minute but then after not too surprised.
I really wondered what he was thinking about. His whole presence changed, which made me nervous!
I asked if he was okay and he responded that he was okay, just didn’t feel well.

I felt bad as if I did something wrong.

The next morning he was at my door before school. I was confused on why he was there so early and he said that he just wanted to walk me to school. I feel as if he had something to ask but didn’t know when the right time would be.

The day goes by and every time I pass him in the hallway, he either walks faster trying to get away from me or avoids eye contact at all costs.

I barely know anything about this boy besides the easy top layer things about him... he knows barely anything about me as well - so why is he acting so weird?

I thought about it a little bit the next few days but honestly focused on meeting new people and catching up on work.

I just constantly wish I didn’t do or say something to offend this weird boy.
Oliver White: Small world gets even smaller

I was talking with Pearl on the way home from school which felt like hours. Our conversation had progressively gotten more in depth about our lives, where we found out some cohesive information about our families.

I told her my family was from Fort Worth, to which she responded she just moved here from Fort Worth.

After hearing this, I felt a very weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was really unsure why I felt this but positive I would find out why soon.

I remember after hearing my parents death be announced to the public, they stated another person was killed while driving home for the night.

I begin to heavily think between scenarios doubting myself, but examining the possibility it could be true.

I wondered to myself if it was possible that my parents were in the car that either hit or was hit by Pearl’s dad?
I told myself I was really reaching out there on this thought, but after convincing myself I wasn’t crazy, decided to tell her the story about my parents.
I told her how they were both killed in a car accident back in November. The look of shock on her face filled the room. She hasn’t made the same speculations as far as I have for the accidents being related, but she was sure struck by learning the news of both my parents being gone.

I’m really hoping the accident’s don’t connect so that we don’t have any tension or hard feelings on what happened or whose fault it was.

Pear Reid: Unexpected

I found out the most unexpected news ever. Oliver told me that both of his parents passed in an accident..... In Fort Worth.... In November.

I immediately felt a connection to him and this situation.

I dug deeper and decided to research my dad's case and see if there was any information on the other people involved. I kept thinking to myself how crazy I thought I was and how it wasn't going to be true.
I looked all over the internet and couldn’t find anything. I wanted to reach out to my mom and ask but I didn’t want to make her relive what happened for the 10th time. I decided to go out to my grandparents house to see if they had any information.

Long story short, they were just as clueless as I am with the situation.

I told myself I had to think outside of the box... what or who could be in contact with anyone or have any information? I didn’t want to talk to Oliver about this because I have no idea how much he has healed from it yet.

I went out on a whim and decided to call the Fort Worth Police Department begging for answers.

After giving them all of my information and proving my identification, they released the names of the people also harmed in the car accident back that one night. My ears almost started tingling after the officer spoke. I just could not believe the names he just said.

Caitlyn and Ray White.
Maybe it wasn’t his parents? Could it be coincidental that Oliver’s last name is White and that these two people have the same name? The only way I can figure this out is if I ask him. I wish I didn’t have to but, it might be for the best.

Oliver White: Strange

Well hello again journal...

Pearl came up to me the other day with the look on her face as if she knew something she didn’t want to know. I had my ideas in mind on what was wrong, but I didn’t want to be right.

She asked me if my parents' names were Caitlyn and Ray. How the h*** did she figure out my parent’s names?

I asked her why she wanted to know their names and how she figured them out...

Pearl insisted I tell her whether she was right or wrong and that she would give me information after I tell her.
I folded and told her yes, those were my parent’s names.
She breaks out into tears almost immediately after I said yes, and that is when I knew

My parents were the ones that hit her dad’s vehicle that night in Fort Worth.