My morning routine is always the same. I woke up. Get dressed. Feed the dog. Eat. Go to school with Julian. This year though, my routine will change. Julian is moving away. 

I'll start from the beginning. Julian and I have always been friends since I remember. We met in Mrs. Haven's kindergarten class. Now we're in 8th grade, and still friends. This year, her mom got a new job in Oklahoma. They are moving away at the end of the school year, that's in 3 weeks. 

This morning my routine was normal. I finally managed to get outside of the house before my dog jumped on me with his muddy paws. Julian was outside my house. She was wearing a pretty pink puffy blouse and bright blue shorts. I tell her everything that happened this weekend, but she's not paying attention and is on her phone the whole time. 

“Whacha looking at your phone?” I say “ you haven't been talking this whole time.”

“Im texting my new friend, Aubry. She goes to our school and is moving to Oklahoma next year too!”.

Oh. I guess I'm now her only friend. My body feels like it's about to boil. My hands turn into fist. I grind my teeth. I start walking faster. My body is sweating. It's like I'm going into an active volcano. Then everything just stops. Everything stops as we get up to the school. Everything stops when Julian puts her phone away. Everything stops when she walks away from us to go to her class. Everything stops.

I have the same class as Julian. We always sit next to each other. Today she sits next to Aubry. 

It's the end of the day. Julian once again wont get off of her phone. I have no clue why she's friends with Aubry in the first place either. Aubry has always been mean to me. When I used to ride the bus back in elementary, Aubry would pull my hair and trip me. Julian would defend me, and yell at Aubry. 

We make it home. Julian and I didnt say one word to each other. It feels so different. We were inseparable, and now, with a snap we aren't even talking on the way home.

I remember the time she told me she was moving away. We were walking home from school.

“I'm moving this summer”

She said it so casually. As if we haven't been friends since kindergarten. As if we had only known each other for a day. As if she wasn't a sister to me. As if we weren't even friends.

When those words came out of her mouth, it felt as if they were tearing me. Tearing away at my skin. Going through me. Long and slowly. Taking its time. I didn't know how to respond to her. My mouth was taped shut. No words being able to exit. 

“Where to?” I say with a quivery stutter in my voice. “Oklahoma. We found out about a month ago, it was just approved 2 weeks ago.”

We live in Maryland, it's about 3 hours away. I couldn't look at her. I was disgusted. She knew 2 weeks ago. I thought I was her best friend, her only friend. I wanted it to stay that way forever. 

Life isn't easy. Nothing is easy. Nothing goes according to plan.

When I get home the first thing I do is go to my room. To my pillow. And scream, getting everything out. Crying quietly so no one comes into my room.  I thought I could be her only friend, her whole life. She's moving away. Now I'm her backup plan. In case she and Aubry don't work out. In case she doesnt move to Oklahoma. Incase she needs me when no one else does. Am I being used? Am I just a neighbor to her? Am I a “Just in case I have no one else” to her?

My mom calls me down to the dinner table. I get up from bed. Mascara is rubbed on my face. My eyes are as red as a tomato. I wipe off my makeup and go down stairs to eat.

“I made spaghetti, Your favorite” my mom says joyfully “We had to use shell noodles though. Can you go get your sister, she's in her room.”

I turn around and walk up stairs. “Dinners ready” I say as I knock on her door. No reply. “Hello?” “You In There”. The door swings open, hitting me in the arm. My sister glares at me. Then slams the door in my face. But of course she won't get in trouble, She's the oldest. I'm the youngest. She's my favorite. I'm the runt. She acts just like Julian.

3 weeks goes by fast. Today was the day Julian was moving. I went over to her house to help her pack up. Her mom let me inside and I ran up to her room. I opened the door and she was on her phone. 

“Do you ever get off that thing” my mouth opened before I knew what I was saying.

“Excuse me? It's not my fault your mom couldn't give you a phone” she says smirky.

I was about to blow. She knows what she said because she didn't feel the need to correct herself, she just went back to texting on her phone. She knows we don't have that kind of money.

“You know what Julian? I am sick of you. This past 3 weeks with you have been nothing. I was planning to  make the best memories these weeks. Instead you have only been on your phone texting that new friend of yours. You know I don't like her.” 

“Emma, Do you even hear yourself? You are being selfish. Does the world revolve around you?”

Now that I think about it, I was being selfish. I guess she can be friends with whoever she wants to be. I guess I just wanted her all to myself

BEEP

“The moving  trucks here” says Julian “Mine as well get going. Nice knowing you.

“But-” I got cut off by her. “Emma, all things have to come to an end. I guess this is your first.”.

With that, Julian's mom calls her down and tells her to get her stuff together. She pushes past me and walks out the front door. Pushes me as if I'm not even there. Pushes me like I'm nothing to her. I walk out behind her. My mouth opens but words can form. Something in me is telling me to not speak. Do not comment. Just to move on. 

I look at her in her mom's window. She stares at me. Tears start to form in my eyes. I hold them back and turn around, knowing that this will be the last time I see her. Knowing that I will be ok.

Her in the car driving away. Still staring out the window at me. She knows that this will be the last time she sees me.

Nothing is ok. Nothing will go back to normal. Nothing goes according to plan.