It was like there was a dead body in my car.

“You know I can't keep coming out at midnight to pick you up. You are my best friend and I'm always here for you Lillie, but I can't do this every weekend. I mean for goodness sake we have school tomorrow! How do you expect to succeed if you are drunk and high everyday?” I looked over at the passenger seat of my car. 

Silence. 

She was just laying there. She looked so peaceful. A small smile came across my face as I remembered the memories of when we were kids. Before the drugs. I remembered going to parks and having picnics. I remembered doing our makeup and taking photo shoots in my backyard. I remembered going to every dance class we could possibly go to. We were so happy, but that’s not how it is anymore. Now the only interactions we have are when she calls me asking if I could pick her up from some stupid party because she is too drunk to drive. 

“Why do you do this to yourself? You are rotting from the inside out!” 

Silence 

I pray for her to wake up with a realization. A realization that she is losing her soul, losing her life, but also losing her friend. 

My mom keeps telling me that I need to let her go. She says that Lillie is just a brick tied to my foot, pulling me down to the bottom of the ocean, but I disagree. I believe I am a life vest keeping Lillie afloat during one hell of a storm, but at this point her head is barely above the water. 

I couldn’t let her drown, but a life vest eventually loses its air. 

“Where are you lillie?”

Silence. 

I can’t keep doing this yet I always come to the rescue whenever she asks for it. Do I really want to be friends with someone who goes against my morals? Is this even a true friendship? I felt so stuck.  It's the painful truth of life. People will make choices that you don’t agree with but it's the choices we make on how to deal with them that count. 

I kept looking at my keys sitting still in the ignition. I could simply carry her back to the party and leave. I could let go of the weight dragging at my feet. I could be free. 

“Gosh it is too quiet right now.” 

Silence 

So I turned my car on, turned the radio on and drove her home. 

I tried to think about where this all started. Lillie used to be a bright girl. She was my best friend and we did everything together, but then she met a boy, a boy already waiting to take her down. 

He took her down to a place where she couldn’t get back up.  

As I was driving her home I was thinking to myself that maybe the consequence is bigger for her than for me. Had I left her at that party, had she gotten in trouble with her parents, maybe she would see that she is slowly killing herself. 

But it's ok right?

At least I have a best friend.