Pure bliss. My life was just that, pure bliss. When I opened my eyes the disappointment was overwhelming. For some brief portion of the night, so many months later, I was back in my old life. The old friends, the old fun, the old face when I looked in the mirror. Feeling the way I used to when people looked at me just one more time, I mourn the loss all over again. Why did I have to wake up?

          Life was beautiful. I didn’t even realize how beautiful it was. The friend list was endless; everyone wanted to be my friend. I had just been voted class president, and if I’m being honest I really didn’t even work that hard to win the title. There were other candidates that probably deserved it more, but people just seemed to like me more. The lack of effort I really put forth was laughable. I had no idea how easy my life really was. 

          I woke up that morning with nothing on my mind. My head was clear.  I had big weekend plans- a fall bonfire and homecoming dance the next night. My friends were all getting ready at my house…friends, so many friends. The evening is a blur, I wish I had known to remember every detail, every memory before the change.

That night we laughed; the laughter is what I remember most. It’s honestly the last carefree memory I have. I talked to so many people I don’t even remember who I talked to.  All anyone had on their mind was excitement for the upcoming game and dance. The fire was just a backdrop, a warm blazing scene no one paid mind to.  It was tradition to gather around the fire and cheer for the team.  The cheerleaders led everyone in a chant - “RED HOT, our team is RED HOT!” Everyone jumped and swayed and yelled and lost all sense of control.  That’s the last words I remember - “RED HOT!”

Others had to fill in the blanks for me later. I didn’t remember being pushed, but I remembered the panic, and I remember the heat. I remember screams too frantic to recognize. I remember the medics trying to keep me awake.  I remember everyone saying that everything would be ok.  That’s just what people say. I woke up days later with a new face and a new life, and things definitely were not OK. 

          Today is a new day.  My therapist tells me saying this will help improve my outlook. Truly it’s just like every other day. It’s another day of rehabilitation. Another day of pain. My life literally burned away, it wasn’t just the skin on my face. The team of doctors and therapists are trying to make me think positively, but it’s easier said than done. As soon as my mood lifts because of my progress, I see a social media post with all my friends and their beautiful faces moving on with life, and I realize I am no longer a part of that. 

          I feel like I’m in an endless cycle of sleep, wake up, go to physical therapy, go to intensive facial therapy, eat lunch, nap, online school, dinner, sleep. One thing I never allow is to see my own reflection. I avoid mirrors. I avoid windows. My own reflection is too much of a reminder of the present. How do I stop living in the past when the present is so horrific? 

          “How are you this morning, Miss Scarlett?” asked my physical therapist, Katie.  She’s actually someone I trust. She stays positive but is always honest with me about my progress. 

          “I’m fine. Today is a new day,” I said, not trying to sound convincing at all. She knows how I really feel. 

          “You say that every day, but today I have a surprise for you. I want you to be open to this; I think it could really help you,” Katie said. 

          I immediately feel tense. I am super uncomfortable with anything new these days. My routine is boring, but it’s safe.  Feeling safe is all I have. 

          “I don’t know…what is the surprise?” I asked. 

          “We have a new patient who has gone through a tragedy as well, different situation but causing similar life changes. I was hoping since you are the same age that the two of you could do your school hours together to add a social element to your day.”

          “Do I have a choice?” I asked. After being abandoned by all of my friends after the first few weeks after my accident, I didn’t feel like giving another person the chance to do the same. 

          “Not exactly. I spoke to your parents about it, and they think it’s the right thing to do for now. It’s time for things to change. You’re never going to allow people back in if you only talk to your parents and me,” Katie explained. 

          She said this in the gentlest way possible, but I knew it wasn’t optional. I was on my way to meeting a new person, whether I liked it or not. 

            I usually nap after lunch, because I’m so exhausted from therapy, but today I couldn’t sleep. My mind won’t turn off. I’ve decided I’m going to sabotage the “playdate” with my new school pal.  I can’t risk letting someone into my life just for them to leave. My therapist would say this is when I need to work on my self-worth, but today is not the day. 

          As I walk in to the conference room where I do my school work I see my new classmate, and I’m hit with so many emotions. He isn’t burned like me, but he has a large purple scar across his cheek, and he has braces for walking leaning against the table. I can tell he is attractive, despite the scar, and he looks like he is an athlete, though I know he can’t be right now because of the braces. I don’t want to want to get to know him, yet part of me does. In a weird way, he reminds me of myself. 

          He looks up as soon as I enter the room.  “Hey. I’m Cody. You must be Scarlett.”

          “That’s me.” It’s all I could think of to say in the moment. It’s been a long time since I’ve talked to someone my age.  

          “Are you as excited about this as I am?” he said sarcastically with a smile. 

          “Oh yeah. Definitely.” I said, looking up at him. I couldn’t help but grin.  Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. 

          “So maybe we should go ahead and get the ugly stuff out of the way. I was training for a triathalon. I was riding my bike when a car hit me. I had a lot of cuts and bruises, and the worst part is it broke my back. I’m lucky to be walking even with these braces. I’m lucky to be alive.  Your turn.” 

          I hesitated.  I had never had to fully explain what happened to me to another person. 

          “Well, I was at a bonfire for homecoming.  I was up front and the crowd got a bit rowdy. Everyone was swaying to the cheers, and somehow I was pushed a bit too hard. I ended up in the fire. The details are very blurry for me. I had third degree burns on a portion of my face, my right arm, and right leg. I’ve been through two surgeries so far.”

          “Wow, third-degree burns? I would have never guessed that!” Cody exclaimed. 

          I’m not sure how he meant that, but it almost made me feel flattered.  Was he trying to say the burns don’t look as bad as they are? 

          “Thank you. I think?” I said in reply. 

          He smiled and said, “It was definitely a complement.”

          Cody and I studied that day and every day after that, becoming real friends.  I understood how much his life had changed, and he understood the same with mine.  I never really needed help with schoolwork, but having someone to relate to was the best therapy I could have asked for.  Katie knew what she was doing when she forced us together.  I have a long way to go, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.