Camryn woke up on Monday, October 22nd as usual, half an hour late. He let his mom drive him to school late that day, as opposed to his default refusal. Cam walked into his first-period science class as if everyone else was early, as if he was the on-time one. 

 Miss. George shot him a look and firmly told him to “take your seat, Mr. Lanning.” Cam made a show of grabbing his chair, picking it up, putting it in the aisle between desks, and sitting down. An approving giggle ripped through his audience but stopped abruptly at Miss George's desk. 

That class passed quickly and Camryn later found it funny how a teacher could be as loud as Miss George but he didn’t hear anything she said. The 8th grader walked into math and continued to abuse the privilege of not having an assigned seat in the class by surrounding himself with all of his misbehaving buddies. 

He was laughing loudly when Mrs. Killian spawned at his desk and threw a test with a big fat ‘F’ written on it and told him, “I hope you find your grade as funny, Camryn.” Of course, he didn’t find it funny but wasn’t really bothered by it.

Math class came and went. Upon Cam’s arrival in English class his teacher, Mr. McGrane, handed him a guidance pass for approximately 20 minutes from then. He sat down and began to dread the trip to guidance. They had been happening almost weekly this year as he continued to struggle to “get his act together”, as the guidance counselor always put it.  

The thing about Camryn is that he wasn’t always a bad kid, in fact, he was once a good kid. Until 7th grade. It was as if he was a different person; he made new friends, got new clothes, got a new personality. No one knew exactly what happened to him over that summer, but of course, there was speculation. 

“Did his parents get divorced? Did his mom die? Did his dad spend all their money?” they would whisper in the hallways. Camryn went with a plan to ignore everything and pretend he was always a delinquent. Eventually, the whispers ceased and they accepted it. Everyone except Miss Mera, the guidance counselor.  

“Yo, Miss Mera,” Cam greeted her 20 minutes later in the guidance office. 

“Hi, Cam. Please sit down,” she responded. He leaned into one of the two comfy green chairs in front of the mahogany wood desk. 

“I’m not sure how to put the news I have for you, Cam. You know, I feel I know you pretty well at this point and I see your angle. You don’t care. You don’t care about anything. You have no plan to help yourself, you have never once put any of my suggestions into consideration, let alone actually following them. Your teachers and I have no control over you at this point and that is why we have made the decision to suspend you,” Miss Mera said, disappointed. Cam sat motionless, he hadn’t seen this one coming. He thought that if he was going to be suspended it would have been within the first month of school last year. However, for some reason, Miss Mera had this weird belief in him, but Camryn realized that she had given up. 

“You may finish the school day but you may not return until you can prove that you are fit for attending this school. I have notified your parents and we have discussed your participation in therapy outside of school. Please return to class,” Miss Mera finished.

“K,” Cam barely choked out before he left.

Camryn passed the rest of the school day with an empty head. Eventually, the bell of 6th period rang and Cam took his time emptying his locker and walking out to the bus, dreading going home to his disappointed parents. Thank god he was the last stop on the bus.

Screech! The bus came to an abrupt halt and the doors swung open. Camryn was pretty sure he got on the bus only thirty seconds ago, but alas, it was his stop. Cam slowly walked from the bus stop to his front door and made a show of fumbling for his keys in his bag. He retrieved them, unlocked the door, and walked inside the house. Cam’s feet carried him straight to the dining room, where he knew his parents were gonna be, waiting for him. Might as well get the confrontation over with, he thought. 

“Hi Cammy,” His mom suspiciously greeted him with his nickname. She was the only one who called him that. 

“Hey Mom,” Cam responded and dumped himself onto the chair across from his parents and continued. “Look guys, I have had a really long day and I know what you are going to say. You’re disappointed in me. So… can’t you just ground me and leave me alone?”

“That actually wasn’t exactly what we were going to say, son. How should I put this? Cam, your mother and I have found a place for you to, uhh, get help. We have made the hard decision that you are going to spend your time during this… suspension, attending it,” the father jumped right in.

“...what,” Cam responded, confused. 

His mom quickly replied, “It is the same hours as school but instead of spending the day getting in trouble they are going to help you learn how to not get in trouble, sweetheart. I swear it will be good for you. Your father and I are done fighting you. We just want to see you happier and back to your old self, Camryn.”

“So you are sending me to some kind of part-time orphanage to be explained to what mental health is by a crazy social worker. Wow, Mom, this will definitely fix everything,” Cam continued sarcastically

“That isn’t what we said,” his father replied sternly.

“No, I get it. You shouldn’t have to deal with me anymore,” Camryn sneered and stormed up the stairs into his room. He flopped onto his bed and laid there for what felt like forever. 

For those 2 hours, Cam found his brain lingering on a day a long time ago when he was good. He remembered his mother was pacing around the kitchen, making him a special breakfast before his math test that day. Cam was sitting at the dining table studying a little extra, pretending to be stressed about the test, even though he knew it was going to be an easy A. He looked up from his flashcards to see 2 pancakes in front of him with smiley faces drawn in maple syrup. Just how he liked them.

The day continued in his mind as he ate the pancakes while complimenting his mom, saying how good they were. When he was finished eating, he grabbed his red school bag, packed it, and headed for the bus to school. Little Cam arrived in no time and walked into Miss Richardson’s first-period math class. Camryn remembered how she would eagerly greet him and ask him how his weekend went. Cam always replied sweetly. Once the bell rang, Miss Richardson handed out the tests. Big Camryn remembered little Camryn getting to work immediately and finishing the exam 30 minutes later, before all the other kids. School was relatively easy for him back then, especially compared to his activities outside of school; science fair club, Russian math, and piano. Cam remembered Miss Richardson grading his test in class while he patiently read his old favorite book, The Lord of the Rings for at least the 10th time. 5 minutes after that, Miss Richardson came to his desk and handed him his test back. Cam lit up when he saw a big fat ‘A’ written on it and a smiley face sticker.

“Great job, Cam! I’m proud of you,” Cam remembered the math teacher genuinely commenting. 

“Thanks,” 6th grade Cam smiled back.

 The 8th grade Camryn, the one laying in bed, was shot with a longing to hear the words ‘I’m proud of you’, words he hadn’t heard in so long. And wanted to. Really badly.

This notion forced him up from his flashback, and he rapidly sat up on his bed, realizing the intensity of the feeling, and wishing he could go back to those days. Cam began trying to reconcile the feeling, there was no way he could actually want to go back to those days. A flashback serving as a reminder of why he had become bad in the first place hit him. He pictured little Cam walking down the hall with his old best friend, Tommy, and suddenly, two kids in his class, Liam, and Jeffery, jumped out.

“Where are you two headed, dweebs,” Cam remembered Jeffery shouting at them and pushing them against the wall. 

“Leave us alone,” Camryn assumed Tommy had pleaded. Cam pictured Liam going for his old friend and pushing him harder and harder, criticizing him, calling him a dork, a teacher's pet, really anything offensive that came to his mind. Cam remembered how Jeffery had pushed him too, calling him the same names, while Cam tried desperately to free his friend from Liam, the even more sociopathic bully.  When Liam and Jeffrey had finally gotten their fill of bullying and walked away, Cam thought of his 6th-grade self falling to the ground, tears leaking from his eyes. He remembered suddenly being so done with being good. It wasn’t worth it. 

And so the good became the bad. It hadn’t been easy changing his whole personality, but when Camryn set his mind on something, he achieved it. No question. By the end of the summer, Cam was just like his former bullies. It's not like he became a bully himself, but he did manage to make friends with them and fit in seamlessly, never to suffer the humiliation he once did.

The big Cam, in bed, 14 years old, reliving his trauma, like he had so many times, decided this was the last time he was going to do so. He was done with feeling sorry for himself. There had to be a middle path. There had to be a way to become a real student who does his homework, behaves in class, and doesn’t average Cs. A way to be friends with the big, popular guys, so he doesn’t get bullied. A way to merge the good and the bad kid. And Cam was going to find it. After all, when Camryn Lanning puts his mind to something, he achieves it.