1. “人之初, 性本善”

Because the street lamps never worked, the way out of the West, where Rosemary lived, was dark twenty-four hours. There has never been a single morning when she could sit up and not have to be plagued by a disgusting concoction of weed, cigarettes, and alcohol vomit. 

She got ready quickly, pulling her bag over her shoulder before softly running down the steps. As usual, her father lay on the couch surrounded by bottles, and her mother was gone. She stepped over to the trashed living room, threw out the bad food, and took a piece of stale bread and cheese from the fridge. Munching on it in her mouth, she carefully laid her hand-woven blanket over her father and tip-toed over his snoring body. Then, she shut the creaky door and walked onto the main street of the infamous ‘West Side’ before ringing the most recent number.

“Aunty Rory, how’s ma?” “She’s doing alright, she ate a little, but she’s been crying. Ron l patched her wounds, but her bruises are getting worse. I’m so sorry you have to go through all this.” “It’s not your fault. I’m grateful you are willing to take her in.” “She’ll be safe here, don’t you worry.” “Aunty Rory, could you do one extra favor?” “Yes, dear.” “Wipe her tears, she doesn’t like people seeing them.”   

Rosemary knew she had added that sentence purely to satisfy the twisted part of her heart that wanted her mother’s misery.  She’d seen her mother insult her father repeatedly until he went mad and had seen her mother burn him with cigarette after cigarette after burning herself. She’d seen her mother scream for hours about her miserable life, slapping herself furiously until she would leave the house wailing about crimes her husband had never committed. Her dad would be at home, throwing glass bottles into the wall, too angry to notice the glass shards that pierced Rosemary’s skin. Only she remembers the cold nights they spent together on the roof under the blackened sky as her mother asked her daughter to take her life, threatening to kill her if she didn’t. 

Rosemary’s mother was a mad woman who desperately wanted to drag everyone down with her, and her dad was a weak man, too weak even to dare leave his wife. Even at a young age, she understood that the only reason she was born was that the condoms and contraceptives were a little over the monthly budget.

2. “性相近，习相远”

She didn’t want to stay in the same hellhole forever.

As usual, she took the long route and chose to walk instead of taking the bus. The long way took her out of the West side and led her to the Southern roads, where it was bright even without lamps, where the trees no longer shaded the way of the sun as it lit her up and filled her body with butterflies. Her favorite smell of magnolias and the freshness of the morning grass permeated the air. As a slight breeze brushed the side of her cheeks, her footsteps became lighter, and her heart calmer. 

She attended an average public school for mostly middle-class children, but she told no one about the countless nights she’d spend catching up to the students that ‘never tried’ in class and the natural socio economic imbalance that  differed her from others, making her quiet, awkward, and out of place. She didn’t belong, and everyone knew. Her average to poor grades did not help either, as, unlike the other girls, she returned home to her resentful family hours after dark.  

A knock sounded on the open classroom door, and a boy stood in a white polo shirt and a pair of green cargo pants. She didn’t know if he just happened to stand under the sunlight, but as he walked in, he shone god-like, glowing with pixie dust. His movements slowed, and her eyes were fixed on him. In her mind, she had already taken a million snapshots. Just something about his outfit and how he held himself gave a sense of nobility and wealth, more overpowering than anyone else in the classroom. 

Like everyone else, she was just a teenager, her hormones riding roller coasters in her endocrine system. The pen in her hand began to move. She started with the tip of his hair. It was messy, but the messiness gave such a perfectly youthful aura that she found it hard to depict. Then the perfect neckline led onto his body. His shirt was plain white, yet it hugged his body perfectly. She ensured each curve looked precisely like the figure standing before her. Each strand of hair had to be in the right place. She didn’t remember the last time she was so shamelessly fixated.

That day, she saw happiness, and it took the form of a beautiful person. 

But rumors flew. It didn’t take more than a day for the whole school to know that he was the pretty boy from the East side that was loaded with extravagant hotels, skyscrapers, and mansions that gazed majestically over. A golden child. She’d chuckled bitterly. He was the quintessence of someone she could never reach, yet there he stood. In his white polo, he threw his head back as he laughed. Popular, charismatic and intelligent, he is the epitome of God's creation.

She couldn’t help but look down at her own feet. Her perfect bow-tie laces were a pathetic covering that hid her old squeaky shoes and worn-out soles.

3. ‘苟不教, 性乃迁’ 

Around ten pm the same afternoon, she had just finished her late-night shift and was on her walk home. With her bag hanging over her shoulders and feet sore from standing, suddenly, she saw a familiar silhouette walking down the alleyway to the West. She recognized him immediately, Tom. Like a crazy woman, she followed him out of a strange sense of curiosity and doubt—street after street, alley after alley. The lamps began to darken, the roads thinner, and she found herself on her way home. The apartment houses were cramped on each other, the window bars were rusted, and cigarette butts were all over the tainted pedestrian paths. 

He finally stopped before a building. It was a short run-down concrete building hidden behind two taller apartments. She had to rely on memory to tread through the swampy road. She waited.

As she watched from behind, he hesitated before going inside. The gate creaked as he pushed it. At first, there was no response except a crashing sound. He waited patiently, and the door opened after a few minutes. A man opened the door and slammed it shut as soon as his body was through the door. She frowned. 

There was bound to be more. 

Hesitantly, she walked forward and approached the gates. Like Tom, she opened the door. Suddenly, a banging sound came, and she flinched. She looked up immediately. She could see shards of glass on the ground through the cracked window. Her heartbeat pounded. She bent down and grabbed his ID. Then, another sound came through, and more bits of glass appeared on the ground. Through the crack, she could see Tom and a much older man before him. 

Calmly, she took out her phone from her bag. As if possessed by a demon, she began to take pictures. A plan formed in her head. Her face was expressionless as she watched familiar violence unfold. The green of the bottle, the transparency of the glass, and the red of blood tainted her vision.

Soon after, Rosemary decided it was time to leave. It wasn’t that safe at night to be walking around alone. 

As she got further away from the house,  she couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh. It was utterly unbelievable! The golden boy, the transfer that seemed to have fallen from heaven, lived one block behind her with an abusive father! The situation could not have been more ridiculous. How dare he! How dare he lie! It was an unexplainable sense of anger and resentment that filled her veins. How dare he live her life and seem so happy and content! How dare he live her life and lie to her face! 

After a visit to Aunty Rory, she discovered that he was famous in the Dunes, the infamous illegal boxing place for its brutalities. Many young men of the West side went to the place regularly to earn money, but very few came out winning, and many came out injured and dead. However, the reward made it worth it. One boxing match can give the winner thousands. It’s a rare occurrence that so much money can be made overnight.

When she returned home, a sensation Rosemary had never felt washed over her. Imagination made her world come alive. Maybe if the whole world knew where Tom lived and who he really was, she would not have had to handle all the insults, jokes, and bullying alone. Clenching her fists, she knew what she must do. She must destroy him first. She must fall from heaven into the dirty, hard mud. He must feel the pain she had felt to have her scars scratched again and again. Then, they can leave the disgusting world together and never be alone. 

The next morning, she rose before dawn, having not even slept, and hurried into the library. Printing thousands of the photos she saw the night before, she spent all of her savings with no mercy. Calmly walking into school, she set up the dramatic entrance.  

At 8:06, Tom finally walked through the school gate as she’d predicted. He opened his locker, and thousands of pictures fell from the sky like explosions of confetti flying down like rain. Everywhere there was noise, shouting, and gasps of surprise. Crowded by people, his friends looked at him, teachers looked at him, and the whole school looked at him. But he was fixated on the red and green vandalism in his locker.

As he bent down and listened closer, his smile faded. Anger, despair, disappointment, anguish, embarrassment, and hatred are all in his one young body. He knew who took those pictures. When he lifted his head again, his eyes met a girl in the corner. Rosemary did not look away. Instead, she stared back, and the corners of her lips began to tilt up before stretching into one pure, merciless smile. Like an angel, her eyes shone bright, and her black hair flew behind her with wind-like wings. 

Tom chased after her. They raced from the third floor to the fifth until there was no one but the two on the top balcony floor of their school,“Why did you have to do that? I thought you would’ve understood.”

The girl didn’t respond. Her smile cracked like a ragged doll. 

“I saw you last night. I thought you wouldn’t tell,” he said, his voice filled with anger and disappointment. “What is wrong with you?”

“I thought you would be like me,” the girl responded softly. Tears began streaming down her face, and she stubbornly wiped them away. “I think death would do you good too.”

At that moment, he had never seen someone more fragile than the girl standing before him. All of the anger bottled inside his body disappeared, and as if possessed, he began to walk toward her. He stopped right before her and lowered his voice, “I don’t understand–”

Before he could finish, the girl suddenly wrapped her arms around him tightly. Her tears dampened his uninjured shoulder, and her nails dug into his back. Her body shook uncontrollably, and all he could do was repeatedly pat her on the back, waiting for her to calm down. His tone became even more gentle, “It’s alright. It’s going to be okay.”

He couldn’t see the twisted, satisfied smile that appeared on Rosemary’s face. Slowly she took his hand and wrapped it in her own. Ignoring his complaints, she led him to the front of the balcony before climbing over the fence and sitting at the edge. Vulnerable, a gentle wind seemed like it could knock her over. But she wasn’t shaking. She looked back with a smile, her eyes still watery, and said, “Come. You know you want this too.”

His anger rose again to nearly the tipping point, “What do you mean I want this? Are you crazy? Get yourself back here!”

“It’s over! It’s over Tom! Your facade is over! From heaven and riches and nobility, you are back in the mud. You are a proud liar and all of your lies have been unveiled and exposed to the world. You are nothing!” She yelled.  

Trying his best to calm down his thumping heart, he replied, “Get down here. I’m calling the police. I swear…” Letting out a series of curses, he jumped over the fence and lifted the girl, throwing her back onto the ground before stepping back, not wanting to stay at the edge for another second.

On the ground, for the first time, the girl was puzzled, “You don’t want to die with me.”

He replied exasperatedly, “I don’t want to die and I definitely don’t want to die with you. Life can be a terrible hell-hole but it’s not getting any better. Only a coward would be discouraged by that. If you hate your life, then do something to change it. Change your fate. We live in a place where we are measured by our work. Read the news you idiot. ” With that, he turned on his heels, leaving the girl behind him on the ground.

The girl was not disheartened. Instead, her eyes were glistening.  

That day, she saw dawn shredding the night. 

4. “教之道, 贵以专”

That night, Rosemary found him in an illegal boxing place. She watched as his fists turned bloody with his opponent lying on the ground, unconscious and barely breathing. She didn’t have to understand boxing to know that the last few hits were unnecessary but deep in her heart, she understood his bloodthirst, as did the cheering crowd. They rallied with a twisted satisfaction as they watched life slowly diminish like hunters watching a dying prey. Sweat dripping down his forehead and blood on many parts of his body, she knew that this was the real Tom, not the angelic East-side rich boy he pretended to be. 

She wanted so desperately to show Tom to the rest of the world. 

“You here for Thomas?” A boy approached her. “He’s one of the best. His ugly red and green shirt is iconic. You must have heard of it!”

She gave him a smile and raised her eyebrows in recognition. He lived a few buildings away from her. She asked, “Yes, is he always like this?”

“Sometimes, but you could tell he’s particularly angry today,” he responded calmly. “I just hope the opponent doesn’t die. I heard he’s connected to the local gang.” They bantered for a few more minutes before Rosemary left. Distance would do their relationship some good. It’s not hard to assume that the last thing Tom wanted right now was to talk to her. 

In the morning, when she woke up again before daybreak after having only slept for three hours, she expected her body to be worn and tired. Yet she found herself unnaturally excited to go to school. She’d finally found someone like her. But as she exited the house, the street was louder than usual. Frowning, she found the familiar face of the boy she’d talked to, “What happened?”

“It’s Thomas,” he told her, his voice as indifferent and distant as it was the night before. “They came back for revenge and killed him.”

“Who?” Rosemary asked, her blood chilled. 

“The guy Thomas had fought against last night was a part of a gang. He died not long after you left. His gang came for revenge. It was one against five,” he responded. “It was a hell of a match… Don’t look so concerned, deaths in that boxing place are as often as your mum’s midnight howls. ”

What struck her was that the gang that killed him never even got the faintest consequences, as the police officer in charge was the gang leader’s older brother. They were released an ‘undisclosed’ investigation overnight, unchanged and arguably worse. No one even bothered to inform his father.  

The following year, Rosemary transferred to another school in the same area. She followed in Tom’s footsteps. Her grades rose from last to first in her class, to first in her grade, to first in her school. During the day, she would resemble a typical rich student dressed in heels and tights, short skirts, and white polo crop tops until she went home, where her facades would melt away. She would find herself in the same wrestling place every night to support her addictive ‘lavish’ lifestyle. Injury after injury, the pain and weariness numbed her. Eventually, even after she was accepted into college against all odds, her wrestling career never stopped.

People began to forget the way she was. Her crazy mother lost her footing on the roof one night and died from the fall, Aunty Rory perished after a two-year fight against lung cancer that had stemmed from her terrible smoking habits unsurprisingly with her student cigarette store down the road, and her drunken father handed himself over to the police after claiming that ‘he killed his wife’ to have a better life in jail. Once in a while, she would find herself outside Tom’s house, watching as his dad smashed empty bottles into thin air and stared outside as if waiting for his son to come home. 

5.“昔孟母, 择邻处”

But matches don’t light in water.

One night after slowly limping out of the wrestling place with a huge loss, she sat down tiredly in her run-down car. From experience, she already knew which bones were broken and which ones were only dislocated, but she was too tired to move even a finger. Eyelids heavy, she gave herself a two-minute rest under the weak light. 

The street lamp flickered. 

As a strong wind blew by, the streetlamp swung and creaked loudly. With no warning, it came crashing down.

Then the girl could no longer move. 

It was not until five hours later that her crushed car and cold body were found by the police. It’s a pity she hadn’t saved up enough for her own funeral. There wouldn’t have been many to attend anyway.

The lamp was never fixed, the streets stayed dark, and the broken shards lay on the ground for a very long time.

The mice didn’t even bother cleaning it up.