Because of you I live in fear. This fear I bear eats me up inside. A crackle in the bushes and a tiny gust of wind once meant nothing but now because of you makes my skin crawl. I am awesome at hiding my fear. Pretending that it doesn’t exist is no simple task but it is doable. I see you every where I go. Lurking in the corner at school, my face goes pale and my heart quickens, but with a blink of an eye you’re gone. Thinking to myself that this is the last I will see of you. Hoping you’ve finally gone away for good. Wishing this fear would disappear just as quickly.
As hours go by with not a single trace of you a slight smile walks across my face. But then just as quickly as you left, you reappeared and that smile trickled into nothing but the fear that came back. As I sit there in class trying to pretend you’re not standing there, I simply cannot focus. With you existing two feet away from me, drenched in blood, laughing at me and saying “You will never escape,” its is impossible for me to care about school.
It’s like living life in hell, but real and I have to deal with it everyday. You just sit there, not feeling anything because your heart has no consciousness. Do you even mind? Do you even worry? Do you even spare your feelings with me? No you don’t, but move on like nothing had happened and expect me to forget every wounding memory, and love you in return. I am so sorry but I cannot do that. Because you have harmed me so bad that any medicine will never mend my broken heart.
I will not let you treat me like a fool, like I am merely a stepping stone on your path of destruction. I’ve never known someone so fake, someone who can’t speak the truth, someone so terribly cruel, someone like you.
“I love you,”…..somehow I believed those words, but soon I’d see you were not the father you promised to be. I often cry myself to sleep; your love was not mine to keep. I miss you, I won’t lie. Once wanted you back, now beg you to stay away.
Honestly I don’t need you, and honestly you need me, because who’s always there to save you, from let alone yourself; me. But eventually I realized you’re not my father, not the one you used to be.
A trickle of water falls upon the earth. But this water does not come down from the sky, it emerges from my eyes. Tears as most call it, caused by this so heavily packed fear. So what can I do? I cannot stop you; I cannot get you out of my head. For you are always my dad but forever my fear.