Give a gift this Valentine’s Day.
I stared uncomprehendingly at the heart filled poster. It was amazing how easily people got swept up in something as trivial as Valentines Day. I had been in a three year long relationship and not once did the fourteenth of February mean anything more to me than any other day. In fact I hated Valentines Day. I took deep even breaths I knew I had to control my thoughts before things got out of hand. My physiatrist said that time healed all wounds. Well she was wrong- in a sense, emotional wounds were almost impossible to rid yourself of. My panic attack was over. I stared broodingly at the velvet paper before throwing it in the garbage. What a waste, the art department had really out done themselves this year, the poster was spectacular. Although I wasn’t a big fan of the day, I was happy I had someone to spend it with. A smile spread across my face as the object of my affection made his way across the field. Shawn wasn’t oblivious to my aversion to all things that reminded me of the day. I had told him why I felt this way and he understood. He was my best friend. On the other hand Valentines Day did hold certain candy coated significance to It. Shawn and I had been best friends first, he had confessed his feelings to me three years ago today. He hadn’t known that I had been raped years ago on this very day. Which is why I had rejected him at first, he knew that I reciprocated his feelings toward me, and so he was determined not to leave me alone until he got his answers. We had overcome milestones together. He was the first man I had trusted since that fatal day. I mean how could I? I thought I would never trust again. I was only six when I had been robbed of my innocence. And it was oh so hard to trust men again. Especially when your father, the one who was obligated to protect you, was the root of your turmoil. As he made his way toward me he returned my smile but his eyes were wary; he had seen me throw away the poster. He came over to me and hugged me by the shoulders, he was careful not to smudge me with his sweat unfortunately for him he had gym as his first class. Bummer. I reached up on my tip toes and gave a peck on his chin- the only part that wasn’t drenched in sweat. I wormed my way out of him embrace and reached into my purse. I had gotten him a gift. When I looked at him I saw my favorite sight in the world. His crooked smile, I hadn’t noticed that he had been hiding something behind his back. “Happy appreciation day” we said in unison. Appreciation Day was something we came up with together, since Valentine’s Day was such a taboo in our little relationship.
“Here” he said thrusting a small black box into my hands . I gave him a skeptical glance and he smirked.
“Silly it’s not what you think it is.”
I narrowed my eyes “I hope you didn’t spend a lot.
He brushed the side of his hand across my check “You’re worth it”
I blushed deep crimson.
Inside was a locket. It was small. And seemingly insignificant to those with bland taste but it was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever seen. Like most lockets it was heart shaped and the chain was embroidered like veins. I opened it but there was no picture and the words for memories to come were engraved on the inside. I felt my heart swell with joy. I wasn’t able to move my lips in order to thank him. I stared up at him through tear streaked eyes. He understood. He wasn’t good with tears. He managed a timid little smile. When I’d told him what had happened to me he’d held me and told me that I shouldn’t be concerned with the past and the future was the only thing that mattered. We’d promised to make memories together.
“Hey where’s my gift” He asked teasingly.
I smiled in chagrin as I gave him a simple gold watch. It had no sentimental value. How insensitive. He smiled, this time in earnest. He forgot about his hygiene and swept me into him arms. We stayed like that for a while. Until the bell rang indicating the start of next class actually. I released myself and kissed him before stalking off to my next class.
He pulled me by my arm and I winced at the pain that ripped through me he didn’t seem to notice. “Are you okay”.
“Yeah” I replied knowing what he meant I smiled, inwardly wondering if I’d fooled him apparently I had. Practice made perfect my whole life felt like a lie.
“Good” he replied kissing me full on the lips before heading off to the boys locker room to take a shower.
I gritted my teeth as I pulled up my sweater. The slashes on my arm weren’t a day old he had ripped of the band aid and managed to inflict pain on my cuts. You’d think I’d get use to the pain by now but I wasn’t. “No” I muttered under my breath “I’m not okay” I quickly went to the infirmary to get some band aids to stop the bleeding. It didn’t look like blood it was too dark. Almost black. Like my heart. I gave a ghostly chuckle at the age old theory for pain.
There were just some wounds time couldn’t heal.