I often find myself lost within my own thoughts. Within 5 minutes of math class, I’m on year’s worth of adventures. My mind spirals throughout different places with different people I aspire to become apart of one day. Where I am now just doesn’t cut it for me. I was born to be a dreamer, as they would say. I’ve been stuck in this place for 16 years now; I can’t bear another second more. I know one day I’ll look back and maybe somewhat miss this place. Not because of the area, but because this is where I grew up. For majority of my life, it was all I had known and as much as I hate to admit it, it helped me become who I am today. I tend to wonder if I’m happy with whom I’ve become. When you’re younger, you take on oath to yourself to never do certain things and never become a certain type of person. When in truth, as a child you are so sheltered by school and your parents that you had no idea what the world had to offer you. Maybe I’ve made some bad decisions, defiantly said things that should have remained unspoken, but I am human. I think that’s something I need to remember. I feel for others and for myself. I’m allowed to cry over silly little things and get angry for no reason. I don’t have the answers to everything and I can’t stop time, but I have the ability to do whatever I please with my life. So my journey will begin here…with you.
I always had an interest in you. Your clothes didn’t represent who you were as a person, but your smile said it all. Your teeth were not perfectly straight or white, but the imperfections were what made it beautiful. You were flawed, more importantly you were human.
It’s so weird how things change so quickly. A month ago you were a stranger I often wondered about, and now you’re the one who keeps my once cold hands, warm. I often spent time alone before you came into my life. I just preferred it that way. I noticed when I was around other people, I disliked myself more. I always felt like I was ruining everyone’s night with my usual miserable look. It was always hard for me to fake a smile. There’s no need to fake one anymore though, I’m constantly beaming with you. I wish I could describe this feeling better. I don’t want to jump the gun and say it, but it’s needed. I love you. I know this because when I look outside my window, the grass with the morning dew on it is the most beautiful grass in the world to me. I feel lighter, my heart is always fluttering. I didn’t want another person in my life to expect me to be perfect. I was sick of feeling trapped. You were my key to freedom.
Today, you told me your newest imperfection. You have cancer. I don’t know what to think. I’m going to do whatever it takes to stay strong for you. I know you will fight this. This will just be another journey for us. You are human. You’re allowed to be scared because god knows I’m scared too.