I try to stand up, but Im struggling with it
My legs feel wobbly and its funny
I stumble over to the counter and I lean on it
I don’t feel buzzed yet though
Maybe some more whisky, or wine that would work
My Three other friends are there, two boys and a girl
We’ve been friends forever and are sleeping over together
One of them ive had an… awkward relationship with
I take a shot of whisky, I don’t understand why people like the taste
I hate the smell of alchohol, I hate the taste, but I love being drunk
That feeling of rebelion, the excitement of possibly getting caught
The fact that I just don’t care about my problems, I don’t care what I say
Or what people think. All that’s left is the goofiest, barest part of me
The smallest sober part of me knows that I can do whatever I want
No one will remember in the morning, and if they do I can blame it
On being drunk.

We play truth or dare, I end up with my shirt off but my bra on
Im giggling the whole time, saying whatever comes to mind such as
“you smell good” or “I feel like kissing someone right now” or even
“last night, I had a dream about a horse” But no one cares,
I feel like being bad. My boyfriends not there, so I think ill be bad
After all
We’re all drunk

The boy I have a strained past with I have admited to liking twice,
But now I have a boyfriend. I still though somehow end up lying on the
Ground with him (still fully clothed) Wrapped in his arms. I am so happy
Right there, totally drunk. I feel bad, but I feel good. I think “this is how life
Is supposed to be, just happy all the time, not caring” my face is in his hair, he does
Smell really good. Then the tall boy, the other one, (I don’t like him much) sais
“you know this is practically cheating” and I hate him right then but the boy im
Lying with sais “She’s drunk its okay” and I feel a pang as my concience kicks in
But I forget about it as the liquor sitting in my stomach sweeps it away
After all
Im drunk

The girl with us sais “you two look so perfect together” and I want her to shut up
And then the boy next to me, the one im lying with, staying warm with, wrapped in his
Arms sais “you know this is wrong” and I say “I don’t care” because the alchohol is causing
Me to say what ever I feel. He replies “me niether, im so comfortable” “I don’t want to move”
“you two are so perfect!” I lift up my head and since im curious I ask “And what makes us so perfect”
“I dunno, you just look so happy” I put my head down” The night streaches on, eventually we fall asleep
Him being dragged to the other side of the room by his friend (the tall one I don’t like at the time) so that
He will get away from me, He comes back a few times but gets dragged away again. We cant help it
After all
We were drunk

In the morning, he comes up to me, sober, and apologizes for last night and I say
“oh don’t worry, im not attracted to you if that’s what your worried about” im a dirty liar
The situation just got stranger, and it was all because of the whisky, being 14, in love, and drunk is never easy, “just friends?” I ask “Just friends” he agrees, But I can lie again because
After all
Im not drunk anymore

Monday at school im walking on the grass and I see my boyfriend. The previous Saturday flashed through my mind and I feel slightly sick “Hey babe what’s up” he asks kissing me on the cheek
I swallow my guilt and choke out “Not much” “how was the sleepover” I think ill fall over but he has his arm around my shoulder so I stay straight, we don’t tell anyone that its boys and girls at the sleepover, they would question it, I don’t even tell my boyfriend “Oh it was okay, uneventful” I look up and I my guy friend from the sleepover and I realise this will never be the same, I will always be hiding something from my boyfriend, I will always feel something about that boy who had his arms around me, it was so wonderful at the time, but now its killing me from the inside out. it just seemed to right but everything would seem okay at the time
After all
I was drunk