Plastic, plastic, and oh saran wrap? Wait no that’s also plastic (Ch. 1)


Ella was the definition of privileged, daddy’s little girl, and also modest. She lives in sunny Southern California in the known city of Beverly Hills. The real 90211. She had wavy chestnut locks which bounced past her shoulders and bright green eyes which were perfect and almond like. Ella’s current goal is to go to Harvard and become a lawyer. Ella’s mother and father married in their late teens and had Ella by 21. She was the mere cause of a night out in the town gone wrong and they didn’t have enough time to buy Plan B, if you get what I mean. Her mother was beautiful but at the same time a bit childlike. I mean she did leave Ella at the young, age of two and a half. Ella’s mother had a horrible addiction and dependency to coke and ‘E’. It’s okay though she doesn’t miss her too much anymore. I mean who would miss someone who left their family for her personal trainer. I guess she didn’t get the idea that you were supposed to go running with him and not literally run away with him. Ella’s content right now though. She lives with her daddy, Brian, who is the CEO of the biggest architecture firm in the area. Brian was beautiful though. He had the build of a twenty year old surfer and for his age, that’s a gift given from God. He had sun-kissed blonde hair and bright, aquamarine eyes. He was obviously a DILF. Woman of all ages and even teens threw themselves at him. He never gave them a second glance though, that is until Lacey came in.

Lacey was the typical Southern Californian looking mom. She looked like she stepped straight out of a playboy magazine or jumped right of a stripper pole. She looked as if she came right out of a plastic surgery guide. I mean this woman, looked straight up plastic. She had a newer nose then a newborn, Lacey had wavy blonde hair with more blonde highlights added in. As if there wasn’t enough blonde. Pfft. She had Double D’s, fake of course; Perfectly manicured French tips, again fake; and a some what charming personality which helps her get what she wants, *cough* fake. Lacey had blue puppy dog eyes and dressed only in designer clothes. She had a shrill, girly voice which made you want to punch a puppy dog or baby if you listened to it for to long. Oh, and also Lacey’s head bobbed side to side when she talked, tried to think, or just in general. She was like a bobble head. A plastic bobble head, with a pea sized, maybe tinier brain. Oh my god, and the worst part, there were two more reproductions of Lacey. She had twin daughters who were the type of girls Ella despised. Not only Ella, everyone despised these types of girls. Stacy and Macy were the twins.
Stacy and Macy were identical twins, as if one wasn't bad enough right? There had to be two of them. Ugh. They had the typical, like seriously I mean typical 'SOCAL' look. They were complete with the whole Blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, skin tight Bebe top, super tiny Burberry skirt, and I mean like way tiny, it shouldn't even legally be a skirt, more like a belt; knee high length Louis Vuitton boots, Versace wristlets, and of course the tiny poodles inside the purse. Oh my bad, they're not poodles, they're matching Pomeranian puppies that were named Lexus and Saleen. Oh god, these were the type of girls you love to hate. Great job on that one Brian, great job.

"Come on Ella! Let's go!" Brian called out from his room. Ugh I swear this guy, he's been with Lacey for like five months now I believe, and trust me it feels like way longer. He's a changed man I say, and well tonight is the night we all get to go out to dinner. Lacy, her twin skanks, and my dad and I. We're going down to Matsuhisa, which is a hell of a nice (not to mention pricey) restaurant. It's a Japanese sushi bar on North La Cienega Boulevard. We all get seated and Lacey gets up to go to the bathroom. "Dad, don't let her go out on her own, I mean people might mistake her for a hooker." Stacy and Macy shoot me looks of discontent. "OMGOD, Ella, you know our mom's over that phase now, like that was so long ago." Hey my point proven. "That's enough Ella, I don't know what's wrong with you these days but I don't like it. Any more of that back talk and I will...I will take away your hot tub and pool privileges. Yeah we will see how you live with that." Wow, I swear Lacey's dumbness is definitely contagious. I mean seriously what is up with Dad; we live in Southern California for god's sake. It's not like there aren't any beaches here. PFFT. Lacey comes back and with a struggle sits down. Her super tight miu miu dress won't let her sit down or rather move. Dresses like that were only made for the purpose of taking off. "Oh what did I miss guys?" Lacey asked in her so-high-that-it-can-commit-suicide voice. Brian opens his mouth with, "Oh don't wo-" and was instantly cut off with Kanye West's track "Gold Digger". Anyone else see the irony? "Oh uh my bad, that’s my favorite song, I was thinking maybe I can walk down to this song during our wedding?!"
For dinner Lacey ordered: Chicken with wasabi pepper and lobster broiled in butter. She finished off dinner with squid pasta with a bit of garlic sauce and then washed it all down with three glasses of Matsuhisa martini’s. As she was on her fourth glass, she pops something out of her mouth. A huge a**, gigantic rock. Ohmygod, he wouldn’t First of all he hid the ring in her martini glass, second he’s trying to marry this b****. Brian Brian Brian. I swear he’s getting dumber by the day. “Uh what was that Sweetheart?” Lacey asked in her oh so high makes me want to jump off a cliff voice. “Darling, I have fell in love with you even before I met you, and would like to spend the rest of my life with you.” Lacey interrupted, “Oh that thing was a ring? Oh it’s kinda tiny hmm but it’ll do. And marry you and share your inheritance right?” Brian chimed in, “Well if the rings not big enough, I suppose I’ll take you to Tiffany’s tomorrow and let you choose one out on your own. I’ll do anything to keep you happy.” Lacey bobbed her blonde head to the right and said “Hmm I guess I can marry you then. As long as our wedding is almost as big...no bigger then Tom Cruise and Katie Holme’s wedding.


Just a few weeks later, the Barbie clan moved into our house. “Now Ella, they are family now, learn to cooperate.” No I will not learn to cooperate with the blonde bobble heads thank you very much. The twins got the bedrooms upstairs that overlook the pool. The bedrooms I wanted, and Brian said that I could get one of them during the summer. But I guess it’s to late now.

“Ella, help me with my laundry, this is just complicated, all the whites and darks and fur.” Brian said that I have to help her with chores since she is new to living in the house, lovely right. The new rule in the house is ‘What Lacey, wants Lacey gets.” As the days go by, my dad is beginning to sound a lot like T.I. “Baby you could have what ever you like, you could get whatever you like.” And then Lacey has always pretty much been the type of girl Kanye West sings about. I mean ‘Gold-digger’ is her theme song. That night I decided to do a little research of my own, I googled the term ‘gold digger’. The term ‘gold-digger’ is a slang term used to describe woman who date wealthier (often older) men as an objective to spending their money. See sexual relationships and trophy wife for more information. Well I mean they got the woman part right, but Brian’s not that much older than her, and uh, trophy wife? Aren’t they like supposed to be pretty?


Right then, Macy came in and saw what was on the screen. I quickly tried to cover the screen with my hands. “Oh Ella, are you looking at porn? You know my mom tried to start off as a porn star once, hmm that’s actually how she conceived me and my sister.” “No Macy, I’m looking up gold-diggers.” She gave me a knowing look, “Ohhh, like the people who dig for my jewelry? Or the type that men have accused my mother of being?” Well at least she knows that her mom is a gold-digger and would have gone no where in life if it weren’t for her Double D’s.