I lingered mindlessly in my doorway. I wish the sounds, the horrible whispers would just… cease. From deep blue, to vibrant purple morphing into a hellish, yet intoxicating red, slipping silently into an eerie black, the sky dangles loosely above our heads. The ever-changing colors of the sky, I once believed it to be, pure magic. But once you have seen hell burn in your own eyes, the very essence of beauty, love and laughter is devoured, by the flames of a sickening past…

WHEN IT ALL BEGAN……..


“Mom, Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssee! J j just shut up!” I shrieked with hatred I was only 16, to young, to stupid, to comprehend, the little things in life that mattered. All I cared about was getting home, out of this horrid traffic and my nuisance of a mother!

Mom began her dreadfully long lectures, which I so terribly miss, “Its not my fault your father left! Don’t blame me!”

“Sure it isn’t…” I muttered.

All the blood rushed to her face, her deep blues curiously grew larger, filling up with silver droplets, “Renesmee… I love you,”

I broke in, “MOM LOOK O--------.” It all happened in an instant! All at once the devil captured all my delight! Glass pierced through my skin, blooded oozed out, in way that almost instigated, the urge to vomit! The pain took control of my words. It was a bloodbath. Too much blood, to be all mine!

“Mom! W w w w w w____where are you?” I managed to warrant these words to escape.

Not a sound…. The silence I vied for, became my worst nightmare! Not a single ounce of energy, not even to cry in disbelieve! The sirens and lights merged into distorted images, only to add to my confusion. Even the reassuring words of the paramedics could not blanket my scars.

The struggle to open my eyes was maddening! But I allowed the air to travel swiftly through my nostrils. It smelled of medicine, of doctors and blood. Everything I had saw, I cringed in perplexity and aggravation!

“Ughhhhhhh,” I groaned.

“Hello, how are you feeling?” A sad soothing voice replied.

“Uhhhhh,” My voice cracked into an untranslatable line of vowels.
I couldn’t… I didn’t want to speak!! All I wanted was my mothers soft voice, her comforting, irritable words! I wanted to apologize for my degrading behavior!

“Love, there was a wreck, unfortunately, well your mother didn’t make it.” The mundane voice remarked.

“NOOOOOO!! LIARS! LIARS!” I screeched! The more I denied it the less real it became. They sedated me.

After that it was doctor after doctor, psychiatrist after psychiatrist, medicine after medicine! Surely I was in a psychotic breakdown! If only they would lock me up, just let me die in my thoughts, for my thoughts were stained with crimson blood. My sorrows only multiplied, for my father never came to see of my well being.

At that very moment, a sharp piercing blade cut through me and a left a bloody trail of grief and distress. That very night glass hailed from the sky and pierced my ears. I believed my life was nothing but sharp, crystal tears. Any faith I had, was swallowed, in the clutches of the devil……………..

NOW…………

I never thought I could ever find the beauty in myself. See the good things in life. My father whom, once I loved so dearly didn’t even care to see if I was alive. My mother, fell into a deep sleep and never woke up! Is this life? Yes! Tears and pain and love and joy! One person saved me from a life of detestation and tears.

The early morning sun reached its rosy fingers, through the window, gently touching my distressed gleaning green eyes. I stared into the mirror. Long dark hair, as slick as ribbons, flowed loosely on my back, my skin was smooth and pale. All I see is a girl whose life shattered within moments! I saw hatred and no hope. I heard the mirror crack and the glass pierced my ears.

Living with my aunt was no dream but I considered my self lucky. Still the loneliness was unbearable. I alienated my self from the new quaint school The boys were dirty, whistling when I passed by. I did not relish in all the attention. In fact I soon became the new, weird creepy girl that no one liked. So I didn’t care! My life as I knew it had no meaning L


Sitting alone isolated, this was typical for me. Surely I looked like an idiot. Oh well!

“Hi….ummm I’m new here. Is this seat taken?” A strange unfamiliar voice quivered. I looked up. To my shock a beautiful absolutely gorgeous boy, stood there with curious, impatient eyes. Eyes so deep, so black, the light danced in his eyes, like silver stars.

“Uhhhh sh…sh….s..sure,” I mumbled idiotically. He chuckled. I didn’t bother to ask what was so funny. I knew instantaneously it was me. I wasn’t like this with only boys, it was everyone! I used to have friends. Now I even forgot how to love.

“My name is Ian,” He smiled shyly. It was almost cute.

“My name is Renesmee,” I might as well not be rude, “I came here a few months ago.”

“Cool, we’re the new kids,” He laughed.

“Uh, I have to go,” I replied in a rush. I don’t know what came over me. I just didn’t want to get close to anybody again. The pain of losing someone again, would just be to excruciating! I run, baffling myself and him!

“Oh what an idiot!” I mumbled to myself incoherently. “Ugggggh!”

Ian slowly walked up to me “Hey are you ok, I am sorry is it something I said. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” As he touched my shoulder something so unexplainably miraculous happened. At that moment I knew I had found I friend. At the time I couldn’t comprehend he would be something more.

2 YEARS LATER……………..


He presence was always filled with an almost unbearably brilliant emotion! My body trembled at the sight of him. My lips quivered. I loved him! He had an irresistible velvety voice. His black curly hair was as soft as his heart. Without him I swear I would have killed myself! He saved me, he pulled my hand and let me escape.

“Ian thank you,” I whispered, as he pulled me close to him. I inhaled his fragrance.

He kissed me gently, his kisses were always soft yet intense. I considered it the medicine to cure my pain, “Thank you for what?” he looked baffled.

“Ian before I met you…. I don’t know. My life didn’t mean anything. After my mom died I thought I was absolutely the most horrid daughter in the world!! I wanted to escape! Reality was just to chaotic for me. But now you are my reality!” I began to sob.

“Shhhh, I won’t let anything happen to you. Your right we are each others reality! And I love you. Your mother would have been proud of you!”

He held me in his arms for a long time. It was the 2nd anniversary of my mothers death, however it was easier for me to laugh and smile.

Amazingly 2 years had gone by. Now me and my boyfriend were going to a party!! Yeah! ME!! I had learned to love life see beauty through broken glass, my life had fallen apart. But past all that was some kind of thrill!

“Ian You’re an idiot!” I remarked both of us laughing hysterically!
I heard several ‘honks’ “Renesmee….I--------------WATCH OUT!!!!!!!!!”

AFTERMATH……..

“Renesmee you have to take your meds! Don’t make thing hectic!” The head nurse of the institution bellowed!


YES! Institution!! I was put in the crazy house, Looney bin, whatever you want to call it! I lost Ian in the wreck! It truly was an accident! But no one believed my unconditional, irrevocable love for him! No one believed he had taught me how to love, to understand the world! I want hysterical when I saw all the blood!!! THAT DOESN:T MAKE ME A KILLER!


So this is how my story ends! I was branded the crazy woman who tried to kill herself and killed her boyfriend in the process! I didn’t fight back after all what was left for me?! Maybe I was a crazy person! A lunatic! Maybe I did try to kill myself! Everyone else thinks so! I may never know the status of my sanity! I was longed for the deep sleep dreaming! Maybe now I will get it! I was drenched in open wounds and I still am……….



For all you know I could be insane, maybe I killed Ian………. The devil truly has dominated our reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!!