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Do I Get a Gold Chariot
Stumbling through the cold, windy, snow-less might, I began to feel numb. Numb from the inside out, this time from more than the cold. Walking through this ghost town -where I will probably die and become a ghost myself- I began to wonder what comes next. "Do I get a gold chariot? Will I start to feel warm again?" I pulled my shawl tighter as the wind picked up. My nose was running, and my eyes stung from exhaustion. "or will I disappear completely?" saying it more like a statement than a question. I began to think about who would remember me "The husband I never had? The father of my dead child? That man didn't even know my name!"
Stumbling into an old building, to shelter myself from the wind, I tripped and fell. Pain travelled through my body faster than light. My leg was facing the wrong way. I had no energy left to scream, or cry, or rock back and forth; so tears streamed from my eyes and I didn't make a sound except the occasional whimper.
A light came on above me and a man came downstairs. Without a word, he helped me up. I was weightless. He took my hand and I felt my other hand being held as well. I looked over and there was a woman. I felt the sensation of being lifted higher and higher. My shawl slipped away and I was not cold anymore
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This article has 4 comments.
Since you told me not to criticize your grammar, I won't. But you do need to work on it.
1. I think a little more explanation would be nice. Why is the woman out in the cold? Why would she ask if she was getting a gold chariot?
2. Just a little more description would be nice as well.