Final Exit

Her laugh broke the silence. Usually when someone is getting beat up they would cry or be hurt but Amanda was different, she was used to it. She laughed to hide the pain; she wasn’t going to let the girls get the satisfaction they thrived for. But every time she would laugh they would hit her a little bit harder, a little bit more. This happened about 3 times a week. They would find Amanda after school and take turn beating the s*** out of her in front of everyone. Amanda was so scared of the girls she didn’t tell anyone. Because of these girls no one liked Amanda but there was no reason for anybody to not like her. She was beautiful, caring, and loving. They simply did it because they knew she was weak. She was drained; emotionally, mentally, and physically.

She hated going to school but she hated going home worse. At least at school people were giving her attention, they would take pictures and just stare at her but at home her dad would beat her and her mom would get annoyed of her crying and send her to her room. Nobody could look at her, nobody wanted to. Her sisters are older and have better things to worry about then her. They focus their time on boys, friends, and parties when Amanda just wishes she could have friends; anyone.

Amanda’s safe place was her room, a place where she could be alone and nobody would bother her. She especially liked her bed, when she lay down she had a present waiting for he under her mattress. If she ever needed someone to talk to or comfort her she would just pull out her all mighty razor blade. She knew it wouldn’t help solve her problems, but the pain it gave her covered up all the other pain and as long as she could forget about that she was fine. Today was an extra special day though; she was feeling all kinds of pain. Worse than usual. Today she could bring out the new razor blade, not dull, never been touched, perfect for this situation. As she pulled it out, she slowly touched her skin with it, pushed down, and pulled it across her wrist. This one hurt worse than usual, bled more than usual, but she didn’t care. She wrapped her arm in some toilet paper and lay down to sleep.
When the next morning came Amanda never woke up; she lost so much blood. After hours of lying there unconscious her parents started to wonder where she was. As they walked into her room they found their 15 year old daughter lying there. The cops soon arrived and took her away to the emergency room where they stitched up her scars and placed her in a mental institute. When she finally came to she had no idea where she was. The nurse gently spoke “It’s okay hunny, you’re here at Sanford Health Clinic, you cut yourself pretty deep. You’re lucky to be alive.” Amanda was glad that she wasn’t home but this place made her think about killing herself and how bad she still wanted to. “I’m so scared that I'm practically shaking inside. Nothing good ever comes when it comes to me. I wonder why, does anyone out there love me? When I look at sites, the only thing the nurses say is "I love you and I care about you. Please don't die there's tons of things in life out there. You'll find someone to love you one day." I'm sick of those answers. They don't help at all. Yeah, like a total stranger would love me. That's just impossible. Everyone's just saying that because they want to comfort me. Am I that pitiable? All I want is to die. Just let me die. Please, I'm already dying on the inside. It hurts so bad...” Amanda couldn’t help but think about it every waking moment. Nobody understands the pain Amanda goes through and even though they say they do, they don’t and they never will begin to.
When the nurse says, “Everything will be okay.” Amanda replies shockingly with “How would you feel if your parents and everyone at school hated you and beat you daily?” Amanda had never told anyone about her encounters with the girls at school or her parents so she was shocked when it actually came out but it felt so good. So the nurse sat there for about an hour and listened to everything that Amanda said about her encounters and decided to report it. Amanda didn’t want to get anyone in trouble and she didn’t realize she was. If people hated her before they’re really going to hate her now. Her parents were not facing 30 to 60 years in the pen for this and the six girls at school got expelled.
Amanda progressed weekly and by the end of the month she was able to leave the hospital feeling so much better about herself. She was placed in a foster home a hundred miles away and was so excited that no one knew her so that she could start out fresh. Her foster parents were what she had always dreamed for and more. They loved her unconditionally as if she was their own child that they could never have. As Amanda laid in her bed the night before her first day at East High School she counted down the hours that she would finally make some friends. But she should’ve known better then to think that everything would be okay for once. When she arrived at school people knew her, really well. They heard about her in the newspapers and on the news and of course with her luck one of the boys that she goes to school with has a cousin that goes to the school that she used to.
People just wouldn’t give Amanda a break, it wasn’t as bad as her last school but they still wouldn’t lie off. Saying that she deserved everything she got and that she’s crazy for getting her parents and those girls in that much trouble. Her foster parents tried everything they could to get those kids in trouble, but they weren’t doing anything illegal so Amanda was getting no mercy. Her foster parents decided to hire a stay at home teacher so that she could get her schooling done without the other kids tormenting her, but of course that didn’t stop these kids. These kids had no reason to hate Amanda, they just chose to.
The kids would leave notes online about Amanda, post on her wall, do anything they could to make her feel like crap. And of course it worked. Amanda didn’t do anything. She didn’t even do her school work anymore; she lay in her room and balled for hours at a time. Nobody cared about her, nobody wanted her alive, so why is she? She might as well do everyone a favor and just end her life. She thought about this for weeks and weeks; would it really be better if I just ended it? She wasn’t scared at the thought of dying; she was ready for it; so ready.
November 11th, Amanda took her life. Her foster parents walked in to the bathroom and she was lying on the floor with a bottle of pills in her hands. Her final exit. They were unaware of the online bullying and soon after she died they passed a law, making it illegal to bully online. Sometimes you don’t realize how bad someone is really hurting until it’s too late. Amanda was bullied, humiliated, and tortured but for what? Nothing but for the satisfaction for some scum bag kids.
Girls think about and attempt suicide about twice as often as boys, and tend to attempt suicide by overdosing on drugs or cutting themselves. Yet boys die by suicide about four times as often girls, perhaps because they tend to use more lethal methods, such as firearms, hanging, or jumping from heights. There are several different factors that made lead a teenager to take his or her life, but the most common is depression. Feelings of hopelessness and anxiety, along with feelings of being trapped in a life that one can't handle, are very real contributors to teen suicide. In some cases, teenagers believe that suicide is the only way to solve their problems. The pressures of life seem too much to cope with, and some teenagers look at suicide as a welcome escape. A high risk factor to consider is the presence of firearms. Because firearms are used in more than half of teen suicides, it is important to realize that easy access to a firearm and ammunition can contribute to a teenage death by suicide. Teenagers who express suicidal thoughts and feelings should not have ready access to firearms.
The person who is depressed enough to be thinking of suicide needs immediate professional help. Do not feel afraid to bring up the topic with your teen. Ask questions about their plans. Those who are passively suicidal or have only vague ideas of wanting to die should still be taken very seriously and arrangements made for them to see a psychiatrist. If your teen seems in immediate danger of a suicide attempt, call 911 or your local emergency room and ask for assistance. Because medication and therapy take some time to become effective, it may be necessary for your child to be hospitalized for their own protection. During a crisis situation, do not leave them alone. Do not minimize their feelings. It is not important that the problem seems easily solved to you. What counts is how severe the problem seems to them. Do not treat your teen as if they are simply seeking attention. They are asking for your help. Reassure your child that they are not a burden to you and they are not weak.
So you can see from these statistics that suicide is a very serious thing and some people won’t start taking it seriously until it’s too late. If you think your life is bad, you should really look around at other peoples because you never really know how bad/good your life is until you compare it to someone else’s. And don’t take your life for granted, if god didn’t want you to be alive you wouldn’t be here. You’re here for a purpose, everyone is. Everything will get better even if you don’t think they will.
Sometimes people like Amanda come along, and it’s a tragedy that people would be so cold to make someone end their life. I don’t think anyone will ever understand why people are like that except those people of course, but it’s not fair. Not fair to the families of the person or the person. Nobody deserves to be treated the way Amanda was treated in my story and I decided to write it the way I did because I have heard many teen suicide stories were teens have literally been bullied to death and I wanted to bring it to awareness so people will begin to realize just how harmful bullying is and how suicide is very real.