I gnaw on the gingerbread cookie’s arm. He tastes of spices and smells like Mommy. I wrap the blanket around me and pull the corner under the table so no one can see me. There are crumbs on the floor from dinner, bread I think. If only they would let me have a dog then we would have no need to sweep, he’d lick them up for us. But they wont let me get one. They say I’m too young. I’m a whole five years old! That’s big enough, isn’t it?
The voices from the other room keep me awake as I rock back and forth. They are fighting again. It always seems to happen after dinner. At least I get my cookies before it starts. Daddy cleans the dishes and then Mommy cleans the kitchen. They seem happy. Then Daddy looks at Mommy’s phone and he started yelling. Daddy is a big man. He is at least 3 of me. He has dark curly hair that flops in his face. He usually wears a baseball cap so he can see when he goes to work outside. On his right arm is a picture, which looks like someone drew it with a sharpie. Maybe I should do that to my arm too. Mommy is a short girl with long blonde hair and smells like Heaven. She smiles all the time but when I curl up in her lap at night she strokes my hair and seems sad. Instead of sharpie on her, she has light green and blue marks on her arms and face. I wonder if she paints them on.
I peek around the big wooden leg of the table into the other room. Daddy is waving his hands around and yelling things. He says truck a lot. I can’t see Mommy’s face because her back is to me. He grabs her hands and starts shaking them. Maybe they’re dancing. He then throws her hands down and hits her face, three times. I asked Mommy once if that hurt and she laughed and said, “No, baby. It tickles. Dad and I are just playing around.” Mommy grabs her face and tries to walk away but he screams louder. He picks up a glass Santa figurine and hits her with it on the head. Glass shatters everywhere on the wood floor and she slumps to the ground. Daddy growls “See if he ever talks to you again! Worthless witch. Piece of…” I strain to hear him but he walks up the stairs.
I wrap my blue blanket tighter around me and quickly stuff the cookie into my mouth. Mommy has a boo boo and I have to help. I quickly get up and hit my head on the table. Ouch that hurts! I hold my head and run down the hall to my room. I stretch on my toes in my bathroom and grab the box of Looney Toons bandaids on the counter. I try really hard to be quiet so Daddy doesn’t hear me but our floor squeaks and soon I hear his elephant-like steps come down the stairs. I dash under the table to hide so he can’t see me. He walks into the TV room where Mommy is still on the floor; she must have taken a nap. He kicks her side and she barely moves. He grunts and walks back up the stairs, mumbling as he goes.
I throw the blanket on the ground and run silently to the kitchen counter where Mommy put the cookies. I can barely reach the cookie jar and I slide it towards me and open it up. Mhmm it smells so yummy, of warm gingerbread and peppermint cookies. I grab a peppermint cookie, her favorite and walk into the TV room. I sit crisscross-applesauce beside her head and I see sticky stuff coming from the side. I open the box of bandaids and open one up, careful not to touch the white part. Mommy says that is the part that helps so I cant touch it. I put the Band-Aid on her head and then put one more on, just in case. I tickle her side, she likes that. I can barely hear a whisper come out of her. “Mommy, mommy! I have something for you. Time to get up,” I say. “Shh, baby,” she replies.
I sit there until she finally opens her eyes. She murmurs something and I grab her hand. “Come on. I’ll show you where it’s safe,” I try to pull her up but she’s too heavy. Finally I just hand her the cookie. She sits up slowly and takes the cookie. She smiles and I know her boo boo will go away soon. She blinks a few times but finally she looks at me. “Where is Daddy?” she asks. “Upstairs. He came to check on you and then went back up. Why does he play so much?” I say. “It’s his way of showing he cares sweetie. It’s time for you to go to bed, we have to get up early to make cookies for tomorrow,” she pulls me into a hug. I think she is getting sad again. Her face is red from where Daddy tickled her. I wrap my arms around her neck and she pulls me onto her hip. Very slowly we stand up. She steps over the dark red sticky stuff and carries me into my room. She tells me to get changed as she picks out a book to read. I hope it’s the dinosaur one, it’s my favorite. She only reads it on nights when her and Daddy play. I step on my blue stool to brush my teeth with my Winnie-The-Pooh toothbrush and bubblegum flavored toothpaste. I hear Mommy singing in my room, “Save him save him from the hand that he beats me on. Save him save him from the hand that he beats me on.” Mommy’s voice is so pretty; it sounds like the colorful birds that sing in the morning before school.
I run and flip onto my bed and Mommy laughs. Her laugh is so pretty. I get snuggled into bed and she reads the dinosaur book to me. When we are all done she kisses my head, tucks the sheets around me, and says goodnight. As my eyes start to fall to sleep, I see her standing and looking at me in the doorway.
I wake up to the smell of bacon and pancakes. Pancakes! It’s a Saturday! I bounce out of bed and wiggle my feet into my racecar slippers. I run into the kitchen and slip on something. I fall on my behind and it hurts. I spot the blue blanket underneath the table. I forgot to pick it up last night when I was hiding. I don’t like when people yell, it’s too loud for my ears. I grab the blanket and run it back to my room. When I return, I see Mommy and Daddy standing by the stove as they flip pancakes in the pan. She tosses a chocolate chip at him and he catches it in his mouth. He tried to teach me one day how to do that but I ended up with a sea of goldfish on the ground. They see me and I run up and hug Mommy’s leg. She bends down and kisses my hair. Daddy nudges me with his leg. “Hey squirt. Ready for some breakfast?” he asks. I nod frantically and Mommy scoops me up in her arms and swings me around. She flies me to my seat at the big wood table and I squeal with delight. Daddy puts a plate of Mickey Mouse pancakes and bacon in front of me. I bounce up and down, ready for them to sit down. They finally do and then Mommy prays for us. After that, I reach to get the syrup but I’m just too short. Daddy hands it to me and I soak my pancakes in the sweet sauce.
After breakfast I run to change into my baking clothes. Today I get to help make cookies. I pull on my jeans and my green Grinch shirt and put the racecar slippers back on. I throw on the blue apron from behind the door and waddle out to the kitchen. Mommy ties my apron and puts the stool beside her so I can reach. We are making sugar cookies today. This means I get to help decorate too! I mimic what she does and listen to what she says. She lets me pick out the cookie cutters from the basket. I choose a star, a cross, and Santa’s face. We punch the cutters into the dough over and over until we have made a bunch of cookies. She puts them on the tray and into the oven. I sit on the floor and watch as the dough goes from sticky to fluffy to tall to brown. “They’re done,” I scream with excitement.
The entire day we spend decorating and packaging the cookies. We keep some in our Christmas tree cookie jar but are giving the rest away to our neighbors. Daddy goes to work outside and only comes home for a lunch break since his work is close. He kisses my Mommy on the cheek and she winces as he brushes the place that is now turning green. I hand him a cross cookie we made that has icing and sprinkles on it. He wrinkles up his nose and murmurs “a cross” under his breath. I look at the ground, upset he doesn’t want my cookie but soon I hear the familiar crunch of biting into it. So that’s how a cookie crumbles. I look up at his face and smile as I see crumbs fall to the floor. If only we had a dog.
That night was loud. Daddy and Mommy were making dinner and my tummy was grumbling. “Shh,” I said to it. Mommy was singing to the music playing from her phone. A loud PING interrupted the song and Daddy stomped over to see what it was. His face got all angry and red. He took the phone and threw it at the wall where it shattered. Mommy stepped back and walked into the TV room, holding something behind her back. I quickly ran to my room and fetched my blue blanket. As I ran back, I realized how hungry I was so I scrambled to the kitchen counter and got the Christmas Tree cookie jar. I ran underneath the table and wrapped myself in my blanket, making sure I had a free hand to eat cookies with. Rocking back and forth, voices and crashes filled the house. Someone was yelling loudly about a boy and trucks I think. I peeked out to see Daddy hit my Mommy and kick her. I gasped but silenced instantly so he couldn’t hear me. I shoved a cookie in my mouth. It smelled like her.
I heard a loud crash and looked up to see glass on the floor. I think it was ornaments from the tree but I’m not sure. Mommy got up but was wobbly as she stood. Daddy kept yelling, his face turning red like my fire truck. He took both of his large hands and placed them around her neck, shaking her round and round. Mommy’s face was turning purple. I ate another cookie. It smelled like her. She opened her mouth and said something to him. His face turned white and he froze. Mommy pulled something out from behind her back and poked Daddy in the stomach with it. I ducked under the table and wrapped the blanket around my eyes, but not before I grabbed a cookie. It smelled like her.