Life colorful and bold can be so beautiful. We learn to love and to care so deep for other people. We learn to see pas imperfections and impurities. Love, is so powerful that many time it takes over or lives. When we are young we do not need to be taught how to love our parents it just comes naturally, but watching our mothers and fathers look into each other’s eyes is a time where we must sit back and take note on how to love. Some of us aren’t so lucky and grow up without a mother or father and its time where our hearts become sheltered and caged in. our hearts struggle to breathe because with every betrayal the gate squeaks tighter and tighter. That then leads us to deal with pain and the hurt that just won’t seem to disappear, but that seems to be the only thing we want to do (disappear). We have to look in the mirror and try to find the god instead of seeking the evil. We need to step back and see if we feel special and for a moment we won’t feel it and its moments we all into depression and we won’t open our hearts for love. Someone once said “If I sing, but don’t have love I waste my breath. With every song I bring an empty voice, a hallow voice. If I speak with a silver tongue convincing a crowd but don’t have love I leave a bitter taste with every word I say.” Eventually we have to come to terms with that fact that we are doing a good job with this life. We are always going to struggle and find it hard to move on, but we have to let go and come to terms with the fact that not all people are bad. We can trust others. I’ve been searching for love or maybe even just the feeling or the thought of love. I have come to realize that I cannot do that until I not only open up my heart to someone else but open up to myself. I must learn to forgive others and then forgive myself. Its time I write my own story, the next chapter one that people will want to remember one that I will want to remember. I grab a sharpie and write all of my hopes and dreams on a tennis ball. I throw the ball at a concrete wall and all my aspirations bounce back There all in the palm of my hand. Maybe sometimes the ball goes in a direction I don’t expect it to but I am always ready to change direction and catch the ball. As I hold the tiny neon ball in my hand and read the words written I know where im suppose to be, here. I don’t know what I’m meant to do, but whatever it is I hope its something great. With one year left to grow up I will need to try my hardest to learn how to love and to dream. I wish I could say I don’t believe in love at first sight, but id be lying to myself. Truth is I had met someone. I’ve seen him once, talked once, but I knew somehow this would be my chance to let someone see me for me. Let them see my whole soul because without that what would love be? The question I need to ask myself is if someone were to look down on me would they relate? Would they feel something? Would they feel my pain and smile when I’m happy? My bestirred Alison is kind hearted and beautiful and she will be great one day. She’s funny and smart and at any moment can act, think, and live like someone twice her age. She can jump around her room dancing to her favorite indie song. We both are afraid of the future. Wondering if we will make it.
I hear footsteps creep up and shut my diary and look up.
“Hey Addison, listen uh. . .”
“Hey Tommy.” I smile and look at his hand that is shaking. What he already doesn’t know is my leg is shaking just as fast.
“Saturday, do you wanna get something to eat?”
I can feel a smile ease on my face. My heart races and then the words fall out, “I would love to.”
Tommy starts to walk away and then something hits me, its Friday.