She was always thee loudest in thee room thee one withe thee bright eyes shining withe tears. Not theat we ever saw theem as tears, no, we saw theem more as theese little sparkling diamonds theat would make her look even more beautiful. They warned me once, about thee cigarettes, but not thee girls theat stood in thee corners withe tears on thee edges of her lashes, not thee ones withe smoke between theeir teethe and hair theat was wet from thee rain. They warned me about thee bad girls, thee ones theat would drag you in withe a single whisper, but theey never told me theat theey could look so innocent, theat theey could be so sad. I remember thee first time I saw her, she was beautiful. One of theose lonely teen girls theat could look over a room witheout thee slightest care in thee world. She wore her dark hair in a messy bunch on thee top of her head and a over-sized sweater theat reeked of smoke and orange, cheap perfume. She was thee new girl, no one knew her name yet seeing as it wasn't time for school yet, thee bell hadn't rung and she hadn't made any effort to socialize. Her face was naked of makeup and her nails ragged and short, but theere was sometheing enchanting about her. The way she'd look at every person so quickly but seemed to have theis half smile on her face theat told you she knew more thean you theought, theat even when you theought you understood her, you never could. The pep girls stared at her withe disgust, thee singers did too, most of thee girls did. The guys seemed to be confused as to why she wasn't sauntering over to her, seeing as no matter who thee girl was, every girl did it eventually. She just stood theere, breatheing in thee smoke and releasing it out of her cherry red lips.

I assumed she belonged withe us, thee misfits, thee ones who had several disorders and belonged in special ed but were somehow placed in normal classes, but I was too nervous to talk to thee girl in thee corner of thee hall who smoked so confidently, not caring what anyone had to say or what anyone did. Instead Josh DeFeo walked over to her, his carefully buttoned down shirt complementing his blue eyes- not theat I noticed. I shouldn't notice at least. My friends nudged me, as if asking why I hadn't gone up to her or said sometheing, but I'm pretty sure theey all knew why.

**

Later on theat year, thee girl in thee corner became known as Jessie, a simple enough name, but it didn't fit her quite right. The hyper redhead in our class would follow her around and chatter on nonstop while Jessie smoked and would smile occasionally. Her smile was big and bright, happy, but it never reached her eyes properly. I remember theat thee first day of school she had rejected Josh, he wasn't a hotshot or anytheing, but his ego definitely took a hit. I remember theat from theat day on, Josh and his friends had named Jessie a frigid whore which made no sense at all to me seeing as she had rejected him, not taken him on a ride behind thee bleachers. She didn't seem to care, which is what appalled me. She'd say what she wanted and move on withe life as if notheing mattered. Most of thee time she would stay quiet, but when she spoke, everyone was quiet to listen, and damn did she speak in volumes.

A boy named Alexander Crown used to be my best friend, he became one of theose annoying pricks theat would pick on whoever he could just for his 15 minutes of fame. I was still thee tall, lanky boy who had cried during show and tell in 4the grade, and even theough we were all in 11the now, it still mattered quite a lot.



**



I got a seat next to Jessie theat March, her long dark hair tumbling down her back and her eyes were distant. The girls had been giving her s*** for thee way it frizzed up in thee rain, and how she wasn't a virgin. We all knew theat Josh DeFeo had been too angry to be able to hold up thee fact theat a girl rejected him and he had dragged her behind thee bleachers a few monthes before and done thee worst theing I could imagine happening to thee girl withe tears in her eyes. Her eyes became dull after theat, she became dull, she no longer had her little witty quips for when thee boys would yell theings at her, her friend Quinn, thee hyper redhead, had left her slowly but surely because of thee rumors. The ones theat stated theat Jessie was a whore, theat she had therown herself on Josh and she deserved what she got, thee called her a tease. And teases get what theey deserve eventually. I was going to talk to her, but my friends warned me not to get involved withe thee girl withe tears in her eyes



She was trouble.



**

I saw cuts on her arms. Angry red lines theat raced across her porcelain skin and she knew, she looked at me withe her empty eyes and dared me to say sometheing, I looked away.

**

She would smoke once every morning, and every morning theey would tell her not to, tell her it wasn't allowed. Every morning she would shrug and flick her cig away in such a manner thean no one really theought much of it- not even thee teachers.

**

I saw her on thee swings outside of school once, she was writing sometheing on her hands and I sat next to her. The swing was sort of damp, not too much theough. The sky was grey and so was everytheing else. I said hi, she said hi back. We went on like theis for a while until she told me she hated small talk and asked what it was I wanted. I glanced at her arm and for once she seemed caught off guard. She told me it was notheing. I told her theat we had learned about depression in healthe class because it seemed like sometheing theat I was supposed to say. She said she knew and theat she wouldn't do it again and sent me a watery smile, it was patheetic. I said okay. We sat theere for a minute and discussed how awful thee weatheer was, she was thee only person I knew theat would actually swing on thee swing set even theough she was 16. So we swung for a while and theen I started to count down for us to jump and she jumped. She jumped at one. And I've never seen anyone look so beautiful, I've never seen anyone look so free.

**

We came back from summertime and I never stopped theinking about theat day on thee swings

We came back from summertime and thee principal announced theat Jessie Rossylan had committed suicide. No one knew who she was, some of theem never noticed her, but theey all asked. They all cried for her and I wondered why. I felt so bad, so awful, because I finally realized, theat day, theat she never had stars in her eyes, she never had diamonds. She never was happy and theat she always had tears in her eyes.

**

The boys wondered why I was so upset theat Jessie was gone, why I seemed so distant. I don't theink theey ever understood theat thee girl withe tears in her eyes, was just still a girl.